Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
This is a complicated family situation. My x-husband and I have guardianship of 2 of our granddaughters as of Jan 2, 2014. We divorced over 3 years ago but due to finances we decided to continue to share the home. One adult son has also moved home while he goes back to college.
My other son, was married to a person with drug and mental issues, they had two little girls and a rocky 4 years before the maternal grandfather got guardianship of the two girls. Two years later the maternal grandmother tried to get guardianship, when she falls she got a lawyer to help return the girls to their mother. The girls were back with their mother 14 months when DCF ask me to apply for guardianship or DCF would take custody of the girls.
The father, my son, is now with a woman that does not have custody of any of her 5 children so he is not able to take his girls.
In the mean time the maternal grandmother had accused both my son and her x-husband of sexual misconduct with the girls, both have been discarded as unsubstantiated. A year ago she committed suicide. She had a long history of drug and mental issues.
My granddaughters' mother also has a long history of drug, mental and suicide issues.
At this time we have permanent guardianship, they see their dad once or twice a week. Two over nights a month. They also see their maternal grandfather and step grandmother a few times a month and they see their maternal step grandfather monthly.
I have told their mother DCF has said she should only be allowed to see the girls at a visitation center. This week was the firs time since
Christmas she has tried to make contact with the girls. She sent them both letters and finally sent them a few of their things.
This is getting long and I need to go play some games. Like all of you there is so much more to the story.
My other son, was married to a person with drug and mental issues, they had two little girls and a rocky 4 years before the maternal grandfather got guardianship of the two girls. Two years later the maternal grandmother tried to get guardianship, when she falls she got a lawyer to help return the girls to their mother. The girls were back with their mother 14 months when DCF ask me to apply for guardianship or DCF would take custody of the girls.
The father, my son, is now with a woman that does not have custody of any of her 5 children so he is not able to take his girls.
In the mean time the maternal grandmother had accused both my son and her x-husband of sexual misconduct with the girls, both have been discarded as unsubstantiated. A year ago she committed suicide. She had a long history of drug and mental issues.
My granddaughters' mother also has a long history of drug, mental and suicide issues.
At this time we have permanent guardianship, they see their dad once or twice a week. Two over nights a month. They also see their maternal grandfather and step grandmother a few times a month and they see their maternal step grandfather monthly.
I have told their mother DCF has said she should only be allowed to see the girls at a visitation center. This week was the firs time since
Christmas she has tried to make contact with the girls. She sent them both letters and finally sent them a few of their things.
This is getting long and I need to go play some games. Like all of you there is so much more to the story.
This is such a supportive, wonderful group and you'll find a lot of help here!
It's amazing how similar our stories are, so we understand exactly what you're going through. The bottom line is to do whatever it takes to ensure that our grandchildren have a safe, stable, consistent and loving home. No matter what the bios do, we learn to focus on them and them alone.
Hope to hear more of your story!
Then again she only asked for them back last time because her mother pushed the issue, Now that her mother is dead there is no one to push her to file, so I am hoping she forgets.
In the mean time I changed their school, have them in counseling, have fixed the toilet one broke in a fit of anger and glued together the door that was broken by kicking. I have been kicked and yelled at.
We no longer have hours of crying every night, the youngest is not only wearing clothes, she actually goes outside to play, nothing has been broken in three weeks, and they are starting to play with each other instead of trying to kill each other. We even ate at a restaurant with out the youngest hiding under the table. By the way these little girls are 8 & 9.
I try to keep mine in sports for an outlet, they have anger issues anxietys fear of dark, can't be alone in the house seperation issues. They cry for a mom whose not here and different fathers who aren't here either. They will find out soon that moms pregnant again, despite her telling them she's going to get a job and they will move in with her by Disneyland .
We have good days and they are generally happy and doing well. My5yo says she's staying in this house until she's 100. I've had her for over a year now. Had my 7 since he was one and I got him through dss due to fathers abuse . He fantasizes about living with mom but doesn't want to go to her house more than a couple days at a time. She's homeless now so not an issue.
No one but grands understand this world. Like they say you can't make this stuff up!
The most she accomplished in a year of sobriety was to pay off her warrants and fines and take a few GED classes. She never completed them.
This Friday will be three weeks since anyone has heard from her.
I, too, have permanent guardianship. It's been over 3 years now, my gd is 6 years old. My understanding is that my daughter would have to take me to court (get an attorney, file, etc.) and prove to the court that all of the circumstances leading to this situation have been resolved (the drug use, the mental issues, the homelessness and joblessness) AND that moving my gd back into her mother's care would be BETTER for her than staying with me. I was told (by the Judge) that basically I would have to be in full support of my dd getting my gd back or the court would not allow it.
I hope that gives you some comfort. I don't think it will be as easy for your daughter as proving she's sober to the court. Permanent guardianship is a more stable legal arrangement for the children.
We all have horror stories, but it's good to have this group to get advice, understanding and comfort.
Best wishes to you...to all of us!