Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
This is my first time posting. My husband and I currently have temporary custody of my 12 mo. GS. My story is long, but I'll try to give you the condensed version.
My 28 yr daughter and her boyfriend (Boyfriend now deceased) were both into drugs. However, I had no idea how deeply into them they are/were.
When my precious grandson was just 5-6 months old I removed him from his parents home and brought him to stay with us at different times due to his parents' drug use, violence,baby being ignored etc. Each time they promised they were getting off the drugs and determined to start anew.
My daughter is addicted to pain medication (hydrocodone) and her boyfriend was taking anything and everything he could get his hands on and could not hold a job for more than a month at a time.
On May 9th of this year, the most tragic thing happened. My daughter woke up to find her boyfriend dead in their bed. You can imagine how traumatized she was. The baby was also in the bedroom, and I am sure he was just as frightened. The boyfriend had died of an overdose of Methadone. I had never even heard of the drug, except for use for heroin addicts. Now I know that it is also a pain medication in pill form.
My daughter never used methadone and in fact she and boyfriend had an argument the night before due to her finding his bag of methadone pills. She was always so afraid that he would overdose on them.
Daughter and baby came to live with us for a short time after his death.
I tried to encourage her to stay longer as I knew she was fragile as was baby. She moved out, and along comes her deceased boyfriend's 18 yr brother who had just got out of jail on marijuana possession charges. She claimed this young boy is her "family". Of course the fact that he had been kicked out of his relatives' home and was homeless had "nothing to do with it" Right! By the end of June, I knew that my daughter was again abusing prescription pain killers. (Not prescribed to her - she buys them off the street). Daughter's dad (we are no longer married) and I decided to have her civally committed for mental issues due to the tragedy she had gone through and substance abuse. I was there when they came to take her to the hospital so that the baby could come with me. That was June 28th.
She was court ordered to intensive out-patient treatment because the judge was concerned about breaking the mother/child bond.
Guess what? She still is not in any kind of treatment! She was probably using again the day she was released.
My concern is that during the almost 2 months I have had this baby she has visited him no more than 20 hours total! It breaks my heart to think someone could do this to their child, much less my own daughter. I've tried to reason with her, telling her how important it is for her to be there for this child. He has already lost his father and now I'm sure in his mind, he feels his mom has abandoned him too.
This week she is sober - and has promised that she called about treatment. I just don't dare put too much faith in her word as she has broken so many promises to me.
I am 65 years old with some health issues and planned to retire this year. My husband (not my daughter's bio dad) and I will do what we have to do for this precious child. He is finally happy and thriving here!
We love him soooo much! This was not in our plans - but with God's help, we will make it work for as long as we need to.
Omg, this has turned into a novel! Sorry . It's just so awesome to find folks who are on this same journey. Bless all of you!
My 28 yr daughter and her boyfriend (Boyfriend now deceased) were both into drugs. However, I had no idea how deeply into them they are/were.
When my precious grandson was just 5-6 months old I removed him from his parents home and brought him to stay with us at different times due to his parents' drug use, violence,baby being ignored etc. Each time they promised they were getting off the drugs and determined to start anew.
My daughter is addicted to pain medication (hydrocodone) and her boyfriend was taking anything and everything he could get his hands on and could not hold a job for more than a month at a time.
On May 9th of this year, the most tragic thing happened. My daughter woke up to find her boyfriend dead in their bed. You can imagine how traumatized she was. The baby was also in the bedroom, and I am sure he was just as frightened. The boyfriend had died of an overdose of Methadone. I had never even heard of the drug, except for use for heroin addicts. Now I know that it is also a pain medication in pill form.
My daughter never used methadone and in fact she and boyfriend had an argument the night before due to her finding his bag of methadone pills. She was always so afraid that he would overdose on them.
Daughter and baby came to live with us for a short time after his death.
I tried to encourage her to stay longer as I knew she was fragile as was baby. She moved out, and along comes her deceased boyfriend's 18 yr brother who had just got out of jail on marijuana possession charges. She claimed this young boy is her "family". Of course the fact that he had been kicked out of his relatives' home and was homeless had "nothing to do with it" Right! By the end of June, I knew that my daughter was again abusing prescription pain killers. (Not prescribed to her - she buys them off the street). Daughter's dad (we are no longer married) and I decided to have her civally committed for mental issues due to the tragedy she had gone through and substance abuse. I was there when they came to take her to the hospital so that the baby could come with me. That was June 28th.
She was court ordered to intensive out-patient treatment because the judge was concerned about breaking the mother/child bond.
Guess what? She still is not in any kind of treatment! She was probably using again the day she was released.
My concern is that during the almost 2 months I have had this baby she has visited him no more than 20 hours total! It breaks my heart to think someone could do this to their child, much less my own daughter. I've tried to reason with her, telling her how important it is for her to be there for this child. He has already lost his father and now I'm sure in his mind, he feels his mom has abandoned him too.
This week she is sober - and has promised that she called about treatment. I just don't dare put too much faith in her word as she has broken so many promises to me.
I am 65 years old with some health issues and planned to retire this year. My husband (not my daughter's bio dad) and I will do what we have to do for this precious child. He is finally happy and thriving here!
We love him soooo much! This was not in our plans - but with God's help, we will make it work for as long as we need to.
Omg, this has turned into a novel! Sorry . It's just so awesome to find folks who are on this same journey. Bless all of you!
Your story sounds so much like many of our own stories -- only the ages of the bios and children change.
My husband and I got our three when we were still in our 50s, and we thought that was bad (We're 60 and 61 now). I can't imagine if this all began even later in our lives.
My first thought is: Is there any way that your daughter would be willing to have her tubes tied? I know that sounds snarky, but it isn't meant to be. I wish Pinky had hers done before she went on to have three kids that she couldn't care for. She finally did it after the third, but that was kind of too late.
It does look as if someone is going to have to care for your grandson, and if your story is truly like ours, it will be for life. I don't think I've seen even one example on this forum of a bio getting their children back. It's sad, but a fact of life, I think.
Anyway, we're here for you, so keep coming back!
Dept of Human services has laid out a plan for her to regain custody of GS, but I see no progress and it just tears me up.
The birth control thing is iffy, because Pinky tried it. However, when she was high she would forget to take it. Maybe the long-term shots would be a better choice?
Are you going to get some kind of official custody or standing with him in the meantime? To me, the worst that can happen is a back-and-forth. Poor thing needs stability more than anything else right now.
Welcome to the group you have come to the right place...
there are a lot of ladies here that are going through the same thing you are...
We have custody of our GS because our DD was too young and not willing to parent her and bio dad are active in GS life, DD not as much as dad.
We also have custody of my cousin's daughter I call her BG=baby girl or FM= family member... bio dad is deceased and bio mom is on drugs. BG has been with us this time for two years now and bio mom has only came to my house to see her once. she has seen her MAYBE 3-4 times in two years. she was given every opportunity to get clean and refused it. she doesn't have any interest in her DD so I don't feel she will ever get clean.
It's so nice to be able to come to a place like this and not only vent, but get really good advice and/or knowledge of similar stories as well.
I have my GD because her birth mother simply left right after her daughter turned 1. She'll be 3 in a few months and the bio mom hasn't seen her since. We (my son and GD and I), moved to another city bc I got a job promotion.
For the past year since we've moved, my son attempted to work at many jobs but always got laid off, or the boss was mean, or he got beat up, or they cut his hours, etc. So last month I told him he had to leave. I could no longer leave my GD with him during the day while I worked bc he wasn't waking up til 1 or 2, leaving the two year old to fend for herself. Plus he would never clean up after himself OR her - he was so destructive!
If it was a case of simply him being sleepy, it would have been one thing. However, he would drink himself into a stupor until 5 a.m. or so and pass out.
Now, if he wants to see her, it can only be in the daytime and when I'm present. He's found another job and an apartment and I'm still hopeful he'll turn his life around and be the man and father God intended him to be - but until then, I like you, have to do what's best for my GD.
Hope this little novella gives you some amount of encouragement and again, welcome!
Bonkers (love that name) - Daughter was court ordered to enter into intensive out-patient treatment. In our state- IA- this is done through the county clerk/ and county attorney. She has yet to go into treatment, but if I understand it correctly, she could be held in contempt if she ignores the judge's orders. Ideally she will get the help she needs. Time will tell.