Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

Jealousy

pamellalcpc
pamellalcpc
we welcomed a new little grandson last week, his parents thankfully are good parents and he was planned for wanted and will be taken care of and loved. We are so thankful for that.

Of course we have our gd from another daughter.

We watched new gs on Monday for a few hours and gd helped take care of him, but at one point when i was holding him she ran over and hugged and hugged me. I asked her if she was jealous and she said she was. I gave her exra loves and snuggles and told her over and over that no one would ever get the place in our hearts that she has.

Then today a friend suggested perhaps its even deeper than that. Perhaps in her little mind she fears he too will end up living with us because thats all she knows. Also perhaps she is jealous of the way he is parented.......his mommy and daddy doted on him and did the mommy and daddy thing in front of her with of course no harm intended.....but perhaps she is grieving that loss of her own parents who used drugs, left her in closets, abused and neglected her and shes envious. And perhaps shes envious that this new gs gets us as grandparents and she no longer has those same grandparents she used to have that spoiled her rotten, then sent her home........we are raising her now so roles have changed.

My heart breaks for her......Im going to talk to her tonight and let her know that gs will never come to live with us......that its ok to feel jealous, and that we love love love her......ok....confession..... plus i went to the craft store and bought her a huge bag of craft items...(she loves doing crafts)

so much saddness and confusion for this little girl. The first month of her life she spent in the NICU fighting for her life while her parents partied and went camping......i held her every day......

Keep us in your thoughts....it never gets easier:( and still we trod on knowing we are doing the best we can for this precious little girl.........
SaraBT
SaraBT
I agree that letting her know that jealousy is normal is the right thing to do -- after all, she's going to feel it anyway :-)

I've found that sharing my own similar feelings seems to help. For example, telling her that you're jealous of (whatever it is) and how you cope with it. I think if the kids know that we feel the same sorts of emotions they may be more willing to watch us and learn how to handle them.

Poor thing...
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
My oldest grandson gets a bit jealous of the 1 yo sometimes. They both live with me, but 1 yo's mommy lives with us, too. My nearly 5 yo definitely gets jealous & I have wondered if he ever stops & thinks about the 1 yo having his mommy live there while his own left 3 years ago. I don't think he really does, though, because it's been that way for so long. I think he just doesn't like sharing MawMaw. It's all normal.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I doubt your little GD is putting as much thought into it as you are. She is probably just jealous that she has to share you, too.
mayanana
mayanana
My GD is jealous of the cat...pushes him off my lap so she can get on all the time, crawls on the bed if he's on it, etc. I think jealousy is just part of being human and is just more evident in small children.
daisydduck
daisydduck
I would agree that she probably is not all that upset about but does not know how to handle her feelings. I w/not make a big deal about it. When our gs we adopted was 10, my daughter had their first child and there was a little bit of jealousy until we explained that since we adopted him, this w/be his niece. He was quite proud to be an uncle and took a protective nature with her. He's 22 and she's 12 and they have a wonderful relationship between uncle and niece. He tells her now that if she ever gets in a bind and can't tell mom or dad, she s/call him and he w/be there. btw, never say never. If any of us has learned anything, it's that life w/throw us challenges we never expected.
scgramma
scgramma
You did a great job just giving her a hug. I wouldnt automatically worry she thinks the baby will move in, its natural for our children, and she's YOURS, to need some extra hugs when you hold another child. In my experience, kids are bit territorial. I can remember my own children showing they were jealous if a neighbors kid got too much indivdual attention.
My grands do sometimes try to fight over me. 5yo GS lives with me and has for 4 years. 3yo GD has stayed with us off and on, but morstly lives with mom. It's quite a juggling act.However, in the end, I try to keep a grandma relationship with my gd,and a mom relationship with gs. I try to let the kids lead the way, share me when necessary. However, I do some stuff with him I dont with her, such as getting him in bed most nights. These 2 have the same mom, which complicates it more. Sometimes, when she slips into supermom mode, does arts and crafts, takes them to chuckie cheese, ect, I am both glad they see her love, agravated that she cant get her life together, and will no doubt now ask me for money, guilty because he will miss her more when she moves out AGAIN., and yet he seems to be a well adjusted little boy overall. I have no idea how.