Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Kat51 09/02/2011

I can't believe Tyler's a senior already and will be 18 in a couple of weeks. He was invited to a football game, visit with the coaches, and tour a college campus, so tomorrow we're off to Iowa. This year will be a year of "last's" - last high school football game, last basketball game, last Homecoming, last Prom, etc. In just a few months we will proudly watch him walk accross that stage to receive his diploma. Then next year will be a year of "first's" - first year of college, first (hopefully) college football game, etc. I feel the clock ticking loudly now and it will be very strange for DH & I - in less than a year we will be 'empty nesters' for the very first time and our 40th wedding anniversary is next month! For all of you who are struggling with little ones now, believe me when I say the time will fly and they will be grown before you know it.

Liam2010 09/02/2011

You did a great Job, how old were you when you got your GS?....for me my grandson is almost 18 mths old, we have had him since he was 2.5 mths old.

Enjoy, every minute of this year!!!

deleted_user 09/03/2011

Way to go. He sounds like a fine young man. I know time has flown by and our gs is in first grade. It is true that it goes by faster the older we get. The empty nest will be here before we know it and we will look back on our lives and know that we have all done the right thing. Our oldest daughter graduated Iowa. Great school. Go Hawks LOL

deleted_user 09/03/2011

conngrats I know it goes fast I am trying not to wish it away and wish for the house to myself. By the time all the kids are gone I will have the husband home so I had better get use to it Hay. That one of the hardest things I find wanting time to myself

Kat51 09/04/2011

Thanks everyone. Liam, we had Tyler since birth. His mother wanted to have a baby but was too young to understand what it means to be a mother. She left when she was 18 and he stayed - she moved 350 miles away. We went through some rough times in those early days when she would call and tell him she was coming for his birthday or Christmas, then not show up or call for a few weeks and he would be heartbroken. I just kept telling him that she is who she is - we can't change her. All we can do is love her anyway and learn to live with it. I think he got it, as he seems to be very well adjusted. At some point I believe she would have liked to take him back, but thanfully she understood that by then his whole life was with us - school, friends, everthing he knows and loves, and it was not in his best interest to tear him away from that.

The school we toured would, I think, be a good fit for Tyler. He goes to a private, parochial school which is small - only about 250 students and this university is about 1,000. Smalll class sizes, good acedemics program. and they are building all new buildings and an entire new football field with a huge donation from an alumni couple. The coaches stress that the boys are there for an education, not just to play football. They are required to go to classes if they want to play and to spend 4 hours per week at the tutoring center. If they do not do that, they must spend 4 hours on Sunday evening with the coaches doing homework. Their last year recruits had an average GPA of 3.2 and SAT score of 23, so this is not just a place to play football and they don't care if you graduate or get a degree. Tyler wants to teach and they have a good Education program. We still have a few more places to tour, but if he chooses this school, I think it would be a very good fit.

deleted_user 09/04/2011

Wow Kat! It is very heartwarming to read of your experience of having raised at least one grandchild to adulthood! My Gsons are 4 and 6, and I have had them for almost two years now. I know they will grow up fast and it will seem like a blink of an eye. Right now I am dealing with feelings of resentment at having had my soon to be but never experienced freedom ripped away from me. And the responsibility of raising two boys to men quite frankly scares me to death!!! I hope and pray that I can do as well as you have! What an accomplishment! You should be proud, and I know you are! Thanks for the inspiration :)

dianaconroy 09/08/2011

Hi Kat. your post made me want to cry. I'm raising my two step grandchildren 2 and 4. I've had them since birth, and their mother is constantly talking about taking them back, her goal is to have them back by next year in September. But yet the most they've spent with her is an average of 1.5 nights a week. I spend so much time wishing a could fast forward live so that the kids can be 18 and I would know that they made it through life safe. We just filed for Guardianship, our hearing is set for September 30, 2011. Congrats, sounds like you've done a wonderful job.

Kat51 09/08/2011

Hi dianaconroy,

I hope your guardianship goes well and you can keep custody of your grandchildren. Sometimes we take a leap of faith and it works out. Even though my daughter never tried to take Tyler back, there was always the knowledge that she could change her mind and fight for him if she wanted to and we could lose him. Loving him as if he was our child even knowing he could be ripped away was the chance we took, and we were so fortunate that it worked out for us.

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