Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Need advice

Snippy
Snippy
My son has his daughter and has been living with his stepdad and I for one year after much debate and several screw ups we kicked our son out of the house but kept our grandchild. our grandchild has not seen the mom in over a year and does not want to move 6 states away to live with her. The mom has several kids with different dads all of whom she did not raise at all and decided to move back after they are all teens because it is time for her to be a mom.(go figure). My husband and and my ex have put out money galore to help our son to no avail so that is over. There is no money for lawyers but I'm afraid to contact DHR cause I'm afraid they will give the mom a chance. they are not divorced. Everyday since we made our son leave the GC ask does she have to go to moms. I can't keep mom in the dark forever as she does call when it is convenient for her might be twice this week and then might be two or three weeks before she calls again. My husband is working his butt off driving a truck trying to keep the bills paid. I was riding with him and helping out but now i must stay at home. I resent a little cause now i must stay at home. But i will get over this. Any advice cause I sure don't want the mom to get this child back.
SaraBT
SaraBT
I think a lot would depend upon why the bio-mom hasn't been raising your grandchild. Are drugs involved? Alcohol?

The best thing of course would be to petition your local family court for custody. If your son would agree to it, that would mean something in your favor. The bio-mom might crawl out of the woodwork, but then again it may be too much trouble to travel 6 states for the hearing.

Hopefully, you have documentation of everything - times, dates, excuses that the "mom" gave for not visiting, etc. That would also go a long way in your favor.

Yes, you could lose custody to her but there's also a good chance you may not - especially since the father was raising the child with you for a while.

You could visit a family law attorney for either a free consultation or an hour's worth of their time. We got SO much good advice by doing that, we didn't need a lawyer for the hearing. Pinky, the bio-mom, agreed to let us have custody and neither of the fathers showed up. That could happen in your case, as well.

Child Protective Services was never involved. We just went straight to court to seek custody.
Snippy
Snippy
The mom is bipolar she left my son five times that for men she met on he internet. My son did well for about seven months and then he just fell in one day cause a doctor gave him pain medicine for a headache. Can I say she is a bad mom no not really but she gave up to easy but not sure she would knowing that my son is no longer in the house.
Snippy
Snippy
Wonder if i could get by with don't know where mom is since she is that far away.
Snippy
Snippy
My son will get straight after this but I refuse to live wondering when this will happen again and it's darn time we stop backing him up. Fed up...........
daisydduck
daisydduck
Not sure how old your son is but when you kicked him out (entirely your right) and kept the gc without legal right. About 1/3 of grandparents raising grandchildren are doing so on an "informal" basis meaning no court or CPS involvement. You are caught between a rock and a hard place as getting CPS involved could lead to bio getting custody as the law is her side unless you can proved bio is unfit. on the second hand, if you keep things status quo, the bio could demand custody and you have no legal standing in court to fight for custody. You could call your local bar association and ask if there is a pro bono attorney who could help you. Unfortunately your opinion of parents (whether you are right or wrong) will not be supported in the court unless you can prove, abuse and/or unfitness to be parent. If you can work things out with parent(s) at least on temporary basis, that might be best route.
Snippy
Snippy
My ex called my husband and said he wanted to have a man talk.....LOL they set or son down read him the right act made threats made him sign a contract and now I'm setting home babysitting the both of them. We all know how long this will last. he has 1 month to get any kind of job, first check must go to getting his car fixed and pay rent here and four months to get his own place and GC must stay with me . Now you guys and I know how log this will last. I'm so tired and just about have decided what happens I just have to live with it. I will for a few weeks but i'm not babysitting a grown man. I mean really all the times we have tried why do they think this will be different.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Oh, Snippy, I feel for you. ;-/

We do know how it will probably turn out. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that this "last chance" may finally convince them that there is nothing anyone can do but get the child out of the way.

Grrrrrrrrrr. In my next life, they'll get one chance. One. That's it. After that, GONE!!!!!
daisydduck
daisydduck
Snippy, I applaud your efforts to set your situation straight and you are fortunate to have two men supporting your efforts. However, I am concerned about the possible effects of your actions. If you need to go to court at sometime, your son could make the story that his rights were taken away by you and your husband and ex threatened him. I have been advocating for grandparents for over 10 years and while the situation with the courts is improving, they still lean towards the rights of the bio parent(s), even surpassing the best interest of the child. You are right on regarding your son in that the plans will fall apart. Understanding the addictive personality and the brain damage that occurs with drug abuse supports your opinion. I believe you said the mom is bipolar The mental health codes protect the mentally ill and support multiple chances to help them parent their children. What I am saying is that you are right and strong and doing the right thing by your gc. However, I caution you to look at the possible repercussions if you find yourself in court. Fair? No. Realistic, yes.