Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I know it makes no sense, and I swore I'd raise no more. However , I am Having a hard time with my daughter saying she's giving her baby up for adoption. I'm raising 2, ages 5 and 7. That's more than enough.
When I heard I was pregnant with my third child I was upset and thought we could t afford another . Turns out I was wrong and I don't know what I'd ever have done withiut her.
Now the mother of these 2 lost a baby from preterm birth, it took me a year to get over that loss 6 years ago. I don't know how she can give this baby away. I don't know how I can stomach it.
I feel like she's taking the easy way out. Adoption isn't always the perfect solution. How can she turn her back on a baby? I don't want to lose another grandchild, even I have to raise him/her
The expectant mother ,my oldest daughter says apparently this hurts me more than her.......
Can't talk to my husband yet, as we want a drama free Christmas . I have no idea what he will want to do . Guess he will be on the same roller coaster of emotions I am on, and I know his family wod never agree that you can walk away from your baby's.
my first gs was taken by dss as a 5 week infant , and it tore me apart for the year it took us to get him . I've had him 6 years now, and if it were up to me I'd adopt him today.
I have had enough loss and hardship already
When I heard I was pregnant with my third child I was upset and thought we could t afford another . Turns out I was wrong and I don't know what I'd ever have done withiut her.
Now the mother of these 2 lost a baby from preterm birth, it took me a year to get over that loss 6 years ago. I don't know how she can give this baby away. I don't know how I can stomach it.
I feel like she's taking the easy way out. Adoption isn't always the perfect solution. How can she turn her back on a baby? I don't want to lose another grandchild, even I have to raise him/her
The expectant mother ,my oldest daughter says apparently this hurts me more than her.......
Can't talk to my husband yet, as we want a drama free Christmas . I have no idea what he will want to do . Guess he will be on the same roller coaster of emotions I am on, and I know his family wod never agree that you can walk away from your baby's.
my first gs was taken by dss as a 5 week infant , and it tore me apart for the year it took us to get him . I've had him 6 years now, and if it were up to me I'd adopt him today.
I have had enough loss and hardship already
1) I am raising my almost 8 month old grand daughter because her father is unemployed, drifting around, no place to live, drugs are involved to a point,etc. I live in fear he will come to the house one day and just take her and disappear with her. That is my greatest fear there.
2) My husband's almost 2 year old grand daughter is on the verge of being placed up for adoption. We can not take her on due to health issues and the fact I have her older 6 yr old half sister plus the baby already. It hurts to know this little love-able girl may end up outside the family. My daughter is filling out the paperwork to try to see about adopting her. There is no guarantee with that though.
Court is in March to see whether bio mom can pull off a miracle or if the courts go ahead and cut off all parental rights.
So I can relate to your situation although mine is not the exact same as yours. It does just break one's heart not knowing what is going to happen to the children.
Hang in there because you are not alone! There are no easy answers to life but I wish there was for a lot of us.
One is easily manageable. Two is fine. But that third kid will throw everything off, from your finances to sleeping arrangements to -- oh well, everything!
Buying food takes a leap up into another bracket as well. Food is packaged for families of four, not five. We find that the wholesale club lets us buy larger packages and break them up into portions and freeze. Our food bill runs at least $200/week.
Clothing is yet another challenge with three, especially if they're mixed gender. Doctor visits triple as do parent-teacher conferences. You'll have three kids going to three different birthday parties on weekends, three different entertainment preferences, three food preferences, you name it.
I'm not telling you not to take on a third, just to warn you that it will be a major leap into a whole new dynamic. It's like the joke "there's always one behind your back" but it's true. When one of our three spends the night at a relative's, our lives go back to peacefulness and calm. It doesn't matter which two are home - the noise, the workload, it is all reduced geometrically!
You wouldn't think one more kid would make such a difference, but it will. A friend who had three kids said that everything evened out once again when they had their fourth...but I doubt any of us wants to go there! HAHAHA
I raised 3 children so I know how that is. The dynamic and the additional expense can be overwhelming.
Then when my daughter says something stupid about not getting her tubes tied and having 2 more kids later, and I know I can't save as many as she can give birth to . .. She's only 24!
If you feel you can handle the third one, don't let anyone tell you not to take him/her. Just make sure you're not taking on too much. In my case, now that it's been a few years, and 3 babies later, I have decided not to take any more. I am sad seeing those babies go into foster care, but I can not start over again. I know my limits. but it doesn't mean it is easy. thankfully after the last one, my daughter-in-law got her tubes tied, so at least she can't bring any more babies into the world only to be neglected.
Two grandmothers who were raising their grandchildren helped to write this law and were responsible for bringing the issue to the attention of the Congress. The law states that grandparents and other kin must be considered before placing children in foster care or making them available for adoption. The states received Federal funds to enforce this law. If they do not follow this law and reported, they must return the money. If you had a lawyer, they should should have used this law. I am sorry for your loss. I don't know if you cn do anything now but hope this information helps.