Your not alone. I've had periods when I've thought the exact same thing. It is hard to take care of our selves when we are caring for our gc, but we must if we are to keep doing it. An instructor once told me if we can't practise good self care we shouldn't be caring for others. Why not have hubby take care of kids one day on the weekend when he is home and do something just for you. We all need a break once in a while to regroup and regain our focus. It has helped me.

No you are not alone. You must find some time for yourself. Someone on here recently was talking about a book that would help with handling the kids but I can't remember what it was, I will try to find it. I was so tired last night from doing homework and cooking that I wanted to scream before my GD went to bed. Every couple of weeks I go with my husband on the truck cause if I don't I would scream. My son lives with me also and sometimes he just has to take over.

I felt the exact same way for those first years. But then, something happens when the kids get to be about 9-10 years old. All of a sudden they start taking over a lot of the things we had to do.

We got our three when they were 2, 4 and 5. Now they're 10, 12 and 14. When the eldest reached 11 she insisted on making her own sandwiches for lunch and made them for the younger two. She learned to do her own laundry, etc.

Now all three get their own breakfasts, make their own lunches and keep their rooms clean. They help with tidying up the house, vacuuming, etc. And since they seem to have come to some sort of peace about their "mother," they no longer follow me everywhere. YAY!

We also established a STRICT routine when they were young. Up at a certain time, bed at a certain time, meals, etc.

Now, I can actually go to bed early if I'm tired, and they'll turn off the lights and TV and go to bed by themselves at pretty much the same time that we trained them.

It will get easier - but the secret is to enforce those schedules now, while they're young.

Depression? Respite care? Ya think? We all can identify. Now that we have raised two generations, my husband is going blind and is disabled. I am his full time caregiver. I am not considered a "wife", sometimes considered his spouse but mainly have become a "caregiver". The home health team comes out and asks: "what about you, are you taking care of yourself?" I readily admit that I don't know what that means anymore. I have raised three children, one deceased and one who doesn't care whether I live or die. We raised our grandson who is now 23. I cared for my mom for 20 years prior to her death at 91. I have cared for my husband since he had a stroke at 49, just weeks after we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and talked of what we would do as empty nesters. Excuse my venting here but the reason for it is that the one person who stands by us the most is our grandson that we adopted. He is the one who comes to relieve me so I can get out. He is the one calls me at least twice a day to be sure I'm okay. You are at the beginning with young children who can be a challenge even when you are young! Your feelings are normal and let's be real.....it's hard to "take care" of ourselves when we are meeting the needs of others. You need to sit down with your husband again and lay out a plan and tell him you need him to understand! He needs to step up to the plate and help, but you need to set up the plan. When he comes home on weekend, he needs to let you do something for yourself while he watches the kids. A mani-pedi? Make Saturday night date night. If he doesn't want to go out, go with a friend. Sunday should be family day where he can play daddy. Hire a helper during the week, even it's only for a few hours. My heart goes out to you, as I'm sure everyone here feels the same way and sympathize with you. I have learned that waiting for someone to notice I needed help, did not make it happen. When I was your age, I was raising my young gs, mourning my daugher's death from brain cancer, taking care of my husband after his stroke and my mom with Alzheimer's. I walked around for two weeks with my leg swollen with a blood clot until I finally went to doc and was slapped in the hospital for five days and told how lucky I was to be alive or not lying in a nursing home in a coma. Take care of yourself, even if you're not sure what that means. You know what they say: "if you don't care of yourself, you won't be able to care for them".

My grandson is 5 he has ADHD, so hes very active. I also have fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis, I work full time. Its very tiring at times, my gs still wakes me up every night. No matter how tiring it gets though in my opinion its nothing compared to the mental drain of the bios, my DD's drama exhaustes me to no end. It is good to take time for yourself though I go to a book club once a month, and I go to some seminars at the library, and once a week prayer group at the church. These things a free, also about once a month my bf and I go out on a date night. Do some things that make you happy and you can look forward to.

Boy do I get this. This has been a hard I don't know what week. Monday I just woke up so down just wanted to cry. My Daughter has been gone 4 yrs in Feb so everyone seems to thinks I should be over all this. I MISS her her not who she became. I hate all this stupid homework and being so alone notes from teacher telling me he does not pay attention in school Well don't give him another hour at home to sit he is a outdoor kid. Make learning fun sometime. I sat in 2 of his classes last week and the were both boring. I now have to see a gastroronteroligst for the 3 cysts on my liver and yes I am scard and to not want the kids to pick up on this. After venting to SIL she says maybe this is just too much for you (you think) What is with people I was having a bad couple days and she tells me I should think about giving them to someone else who no ideal (she has a pool has she ever offered to let us come over for a hour or two) glad I am not one of there grands. I think I started out trying to help feel it is ok to have these off times just don't tell any one lol

I think hiring a "mother's helper" for few hours at least one night a week would help. Either a young teen to come over & keep them entertained while you do what you want to, or an older girl so you cn get out & go to the store by yourself. Maybe ask around for some names??

You're not the only one.. We all have or are going through the same. I have three, mine started in 2004 and then added two more in 2010 one was a new born right from the hospital. We adopted the two little ones. You must take care of yourself. I didn't when we first got the two little omes and within a year I was in the hospital, the little ones went into forstercare and we had a fight on our hands getting them back. You have to ask for help, if you don't get the help with asking you demand. I started doing the shopping on Saturdays and leaving the kids with husband. I have taken the kids to wal-mart. My youngest put up a fit and I told him flat out keep it up we go home. We ended up going home. Not to mention While we were walking out of the store to the car he was screaming and kicking and putting on such a good show people were stopping to watch. It took my oldest grand and I to get him out of the cart and into his car seat...but we did and we went home. The next time I offered a shopping trip I asked him if he was going to be good, and reminded him if he wasn't we would go home. We have no problems shopping.
I have had screaming compitions with my kids. Being out in the back yard, they would scream...sometimes for play most times picking on each other. I just had one of those days and just screamed as loud and long as I could... They looked at me and I said. You guys do it so much, I just wanted to see if I could. I found out that it felt so good!
I'm still trying to figure out how to keep the 3 year old from standing at the bathroom door while I'm in there. As much as I wish I could take a bath and soak in the tub it's just something to look forward to in my future, for now it's quick showers and pray no one notices I've missed a great big area of hair on my legs. Pony tails or hair clips for the hair on my head and make-up is for special times.

I am right there with you... I have said it before... Now I know why God never intended for older women to have kids...lol.

I think God needs to put a message in the brains of the bio moms!

Pashep, I wish i had a dollar for everyone who has told me I should get over losing my daughter! The term I just love is "well, it's in the past". Right!. My deceased daughters birthday was August 21. She's been gone 22 years and it still hurts. I still shed my tears in quiet when I really miss her. She was such a bright, vibrant personality and we became friends as she grew into adulthood. I don't talk much about her because I carry her in my heart and she will always be there. Your daughter is a part of you and you should need have to deny that.

boy, do I know where your're coming from. I find myself at times neglecting the little things I used to do for myself. Some days it feels like I just wish I didn't have all this. I get mired down at times but I start thinking of all the blessing that having the three gc here in our home. ages 8,6, and 5. About the bathroom I haven't been alone in mine for over 2 years. then I look at their faces and see that spark that keeps me going.

Is there a college near you? Many times students are looking for housing and are willing to work to compensate for housing. Contact the school and perhaps you can post a job on a board at the school Just be VERY careful and get information from candidate BEFORE they come to your house. Take NO excuses for gaps in time they cannot confirm experience. I had a nanny agency for 15 years and too many people interview and decide on emotions ie if the kids like her hire her. This could be good for children and yourself.