Is it a control issue? ...not physical but emotionally, where she feels a lack of control of her environment but by golly she can mess her pants if and when she wants.... no one else can have control of that.

My GC will hold their #2 for days causing constipation to the point of painful movements when they do go. I wittnessed the bio mom yelling at the child when they where around 18 month to 2 years old numeros times when they would be put on the potty to go #2. The the things that were said to the child were just terrible. The bio mom would cuss, yell and down right scare/tramatize the child to the point that they would not go. What the bio mom was doing was putting the child on the toilet when she say that the child had to go #2, but would start the yelling when there was not a quick responce and it turned into something real ugly. Now that the child is older they hold it for days and when you ask them do you need to go poo poo, they turn in, and start to wimper, and won't go. The dr. as said that the yelling has caused our grand child to be scared to go #2, and when they do finally go and are releaved, its like a completly different child happy and playful and until it occurs again. So this has been our experience with this kind of problem, our pediatriacan has put the child on a laxative to promote easier movements, it sometimes helps but most of the time its a battle. If you make the issue of going a big deal or if someone has yelled at he child for their mishaps/accidents in the past it maybe a reason for their having them now. Reasurance and compassion seem to work for us at times also, but I kind of know what your going through. Good luck!

Nana

I think I would try not to make much of a deal over it. I'd probably tell her to go clean herself up because I'm sure she must be so embarrassed to have an "accident" at her age. Supervise her cleaning up if you need to. I'd show her how to wash out her panties by hand, too, and maybe keep wet wipes available in the bathroom and tell her that even adults use them after having a bowel movement - just make sure she doesn't flush them, but puts them in the trash. Good luck & so sorry you're having to deal with this.

My gd's situation was very much like nanainala describes - it was downright abusive the way the bio behaved. From the very start also the bio pulled his ( used to be her ) shirt up to cover nose when changing diapers unless he could get someone else to change gd and carried on about the odor and grossness. I kept a laid back approach with gd and give her a stool softener daily ( except when she gets a virus with diarrhea ) I also give her foods high in fiber. Condition has much improved but I do think bio's past behavior is still alittle in the back of gd"s mind. A small mini pad in rear of panties might be helpful. There is also a kid version of benefiber available. I also like nanainala's suggestion that a 9 yr old could rinse out her own panties. Hope it goes better for you and gc.

You are right that a 9 yr old s be able to handle this. The fact that she is doing it points to some inner problems she does not know how to face. I can't believe doc and therapist have not helped her. Get new doc and therapist to find out problem and treat her.

That behavior happens in abuse cases and with things like ASD.
We use reward based behavior programs. This was never an issue with our ASD child but wetting herself when she was younger was. She did have consequences back then, like if she wet herself she couldn't go in the store and I stuck to it no matter what.

Hugs