pbkzata, I can't answer for DSS because they were never involved with our grandchildren.

However, my husband's daughter was in an intensive rehab at one point with her two eldest. She completed that program and was scheduled for the sobriety house/recovery house/whatever it's called. She would have gotten housing, a car with insurance and maintenance, her GED, $3,000 toward job training, yada-yada.

She met up with her old friends and went right back to using. Eventually she disappeared for the weekend and her boyfriend called us to come and get the kids. She never fought us for custody, never argued, just signed them over with no fuss.

I guess the short version is that it depends on your relationship with her. If she starts using again, she may be willing to turn the baby over to you...

Thanks for your reply, Sara. The rub is... I don't want custody of the baby. I've her 10 year old (for the last 5 yrs) but I know my limits and I cannot take on an infant/toddler. I'd hoped she'd sign over to let the baby go to adoption. Didn't happen. I'm just wondering how close DSS might supervise under the circumstances. Supposedly, the sober living houses she's on the list for are about 90 miles from here. Don't know what her plans would be when/after she'd leave the SL program. Not back to my house and living with us, though. THAT's not going to happen.

And if I suspect she's started using again, I'll make the DSS phone call myself.

Never easy, is it?

If the places in your area are like ours, they constantly test for drugs. I'm not sure if it's random or scheduled, but I know they do test. (Not that there aren't ways to trick the tests, as I've learned.)

If drugs are found usually the person gets kicked out of the program, back into detox/rehab, whatever the policy is. I do know of one place in Phila. where the mother took her baby with her, but I don't know all of the circumstances of that. I would think DSS would have something to say about it, if the mother tested positive...

Actually, what am I SAYING??!?!?!?! When my husband's daughter got kicked out of her sobriety house she took her eldest two daughters with her. If I remember correctly (there have been SO many rehabs/recovery houses, etc.) she moved in with her brother for a while, then took off for TX where the father lived.

These addicts' stories are so complicated you just can't remember anything after a while. I used to keep a diary of her comings and goings in case we ever needed it for court, but I finally shredded it because I was afraid what other family members would think of me if I died suddenly and they read what I'd written about her :-0

Well, I"m hoping they'd keep an eye on things for a bit, but not sure at all. If they just turn over custody and close the case, I fear she'll forgo the SL house and just return to the area. That would NOT be a good thing, to say the least. My heart hurts to think the dear little gd would go back to foster, but, and maybe I'm totally selfish here, I'm just not prepared to make that sacrifice... again.

I know what you mean about all the complicated and keeping track. I used to keep a running track of dates and behavior (my dd has bipolar, too, diagnosed at age 20) until I realized, at a family drug meeting at one of her outpatient programs, that my brain had become "addicted" to her and her problems, to the point it was almost a sickness like hers. I worried about it CONSTANTLY and was so very involved in all her problems, my brain had no time to really pay attention to anything else. I determined at that point to become non-involved, as near as feasible (I'll never abandon her completely) in her life. She no longer runs my mine.

BTW, Sara, I completely agree with you that bio-mom of your gc should not be allowed that visitation until she makes the real effort. I'd maybe go even further than you... maybe I'd make it she couldn't see the kids for one day for every day she never called.

Well, the good thing about your GD being so young is that she would stand a good chance of getting good adoptive parents. I would seriously consider calling the agency that is handling your daughter's case, tell them who you are, and express your concerns. I'd make sure that they know that you are raising another of her children & that you are concerned she might be using again. I was told that if my son or the mother got my GS back, they would stay involved for at least another 6 months and would do drug tests, but they haven't done many drug tests in the 14 months that have gone by. All we can do is be proactive.

Once they close the case, it can only be reopened with new charges. Your daughter legally has the upper hand. I understand your concern and applaud you for being realistic about taking in another child. However, as a grandmother, you may be able to ascertain some rights. Talk to dcfs. Do not tell them your concerns about daugther going back to her former lifestyle. State you w/like to keep in touch w/gd especially since you have custody of the sibling. There is a law that was enacted in 2008 that says dcfs or any similar agency has to contact grandparents and other kin if the child is to be adopted. You can request visitation if the child is placed in foster care. Legally, your daughter has the right to say you can't see the child. However, considering her history, dcfs may want you to remain involved.

I've had a couple of extensive conversations with the gd's GAL. She was opposed to the complete reunification of gd/bio so soon but since DSS was pushing for that, the judge saw it their way. And, to clarify, I don't believe my dd is using right now. It would be extremely difficult for her to do so in the environment in which she currently resides. My concern is for when she leaves that program and enters another. Or, leaves that program to go back to the "real world." Maybe I'm an alarmist but I know how she can get over on people. Did it to me for a long time! Maybe I'm just gun-shy. Or maybe it's that she's well-earned my non-trust and it'll take a whole lot of work to get any of it back.

I've told her, outright, that should I even suspect she's using again, I'm making the phone call myself. She's on notice, anyhow.

I would intend to continue to see my gd with visitation and stay connected to her should worst come to worst. Hopefully, it won't and that won't be necessary.

I w/consider being more aggresive w/gal if she feels the timing is not right. dcfs has a history of pushing to get cases closed because they are so overwhelmed. In IL dcfs was forced to take on Catholic Charities and other systems to relieve the stress after some bad outcomes. The gal is supposed to look out for the "best interest" of the child and s/fight for that. Maybe a little nudge from you w/help. Unfortunately, you are probably right that there is a good chance your dd may go back to old ways. While you may not be able to raise your gd, you can advocate for her. Good luck.