I also feel like she always tried to guilt me into using things that I feel are contaminated, like the sheets , or clothes that upset me after my assault. I think she means well , or at least for the most part. Maybe there is a side of her that wants revenge on me for upsetting her about the rape. Anyway, I am just making an observation here . I am not angry with my mother. I just noticed these things recently. Sometimes I think she is worse about it when other people are around.
It just hurts my feelings, if you know what i mean. I don't understand why she can't just respect my opinion.

Sweetie (some )mothers just cannot accept the fact that their children got raped.. or that there is anything wrong with them for that matter. as they might feel it is a reflection on them.. I do after you posted this feel your mom is a tad bit angry.. I have to be honest. now remember this is just an opinion. OK? nothing more. and still trying to give your mother the benefit of the doubt here too... I do detect some reflective..anger on her.. part..
of course that does not mean that she does not love you don,t ever think that..one.. OK♥ I .. do not know how exactly SHE feels . however I do detect some hostility. after the over-doing.. of the extra rubbing of the knife on the floor. more times.. before you could check it.. and what you wrote about the forcing you to deal with those sheets.. over and over again.. Ill tell you what.. I think I should pray for your momma to get over HER anger.. and or hostility issues.. as that is a problem too for HER.. it can not be to comfortable for her. to go on and on like this.. Let alone with it does to YOU. and Your relationship with her. I feel this way if a Child can not trust their own mother who can they trust?.
My mother used to do Crappy things to me too.. really... Only she did some nice things too.. Only believe Me she did do some crappy things to me. especially. In front of other people.. Only I( knew )..they were Crappy.. and just got.. very.. quiet at those times..and used to wonder WHY? and vowed I would never do things like that to my kids.. I had kids at the time.. Now I just think it was out of.. her *own self esteem.*. issues.. I really do ....in her case.... because *at times* she ... actually liked I believe putting me DOWN... Like IN her case... What does it matter? Like I was not.. even humane? a no -count..
Other times? she showed she might have cared.. but honesty.. In my moms case? i DON,T THINK.. SHE WAS CAPABLE..OF LOVING me.. LIKE A MOTHER SHOULD..

I also was the *only one of her children.* she had 16. who took care for her for months and months before she died.. at age 53.. and Honestly.. I loved her.. and daddy yelled at me.. I told dad.. Im here to take care of my mother. who else is gonna do it? Karen . she wont do it.. Me and Karen still don't talk to each other.. dear as all she did was criticise me when I cared for my mother.. to my mother.. and after momma died daddy.. said well I have to admit you did do a good job of taking care of your mother.. at least dad said that..

see dear I have . issues too .. with my mom.. and she has been long since passed on.. some of them I guess just never can get resolved.. your not *alone *here in this.. either..

However.. since your mom is still with us.. I'm gonna Pray for her... yes HER.♥. to overcome this... and Let you know that she really loves you 100percent.. I never got that from my mom..

Hay.. girl * I will say this... I totally understand #and am with you on washing.. things that might be contaminated... separately.. for the other utensils... really.. revelation...

I have to add this... I do it because I'm afraid that.. washing the contaminated knife or fork or plate etc... I have a* fear* that even washing.. them together... will contaminate* the other ones with. germs.. It would make to nervous if I did not.. with them separately.. I have tried it... to get over this,and I end up having to wash. that Item again separately* and having to wash all the others again WHY? I know why.. I do it,.
because My thoughts keep thinking.. that .. I contaminated the other dishes and things by washing them TOGETHER... and I get obsessed. with the thoughts til I do it again.. That is what it like with.. me though..

Hi Ellen,
Thanks so much for posting. I hope you haven't been in pain while you were doing it . If you are, don't feel like you have to answer. I just wanted to post this here. I do appreciate it so much, though. You are a sweetheart.

It feels good that somebody else knows how I feel about the silverware thing. I have issues like that all the time, where I don't want to contaminate my other dishes because one of them touched nasty money that was laid down on the end table by the couch, or because somebody left dishes on the floor. I have asked everybody not to do wither one of those things because it bothers me and causes me a lot of extra work, but it is like talking to a brick wall. I guess they just don't care how I feel about it.

Thanks for praying for my mom and her anger. I agree with you there , that she is angry. I don't know if she ever has fully come to terms with this thing, and blames me for upsetting her. I think she blamed herself for going on the trip to see my aunt, which is when it happened. I was home alone , and those guys knew I was home alone. She may have just blocked that part of it, and blamed me for washing her clothes so many times because the rapist touched one of them and I started having the cross-contamination frenzies where I would have to clean and clean anything they touched or maybe that i imagined that they touched and then took my long shower to get clean again, only to start all over again when I got out and touched something. Then , I was forced to sleep on those sheets, and it tore my nerves up. All I wanted was to feel clean again and just put the whole nasty thing behind me. to this day, I have to be super clean when I go to bed at night or i can't sleep.

I know she loves me, and has done a lot for me. This just hurts that she would do those things deliberately Maybe she means well , at least to some degree, but she needs to respect my wishes on these things, especially if she is in my house. If I ever stop being a germaphobe, it will have to be because I have decided to stop being this way. Until then, she and everybody else will just have to accept this thing about me like i have to accept their shortcomings. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That is my theme song.

I'm not sure if I ever made this point clearly, but i feel like my mom and others in my life have contributed to me being even more germaphobic by trying to force me into contamination exposure. It seems like every time that that sort of thing has happened to me, I have gotten even more fearful of being contaminated. My stress level was increased each time, which is definitely not good for mysophobia in my opinion.

I agree. i know your mom loves you... i never said or.. doubted for one minute that she did. as In my mom own way she loved me as much as she was capable.. and did many nice things for me.. I think it is what you said.. I think she really does blame..herself for being out of town and is blocking that out,, and that is the way it comes out on her.. By doing those kinds of things.. I know what..you mean... when you said .. If you really wanted to get rid of it... I feel if I could totally drop this? that I would have no control over my life . yes I said my..LIFE..at all.. There is something that helps me. keep grounded.. some sort of order to all this chaos around me.. by this ... Is the best way to describe me., and this.. In my case... it runs that deep as I started this at age 9 .. don,t know why .. just did.. and I was cleaning up messes of my brothers and sisters to try... keep my mom from being upset and my dad from getting upset and yelling about all the messes.. the kids made.. and it started at school LOL believe it..

family members have left plates on floor dishes all over. and coins on floor near dishes.. Lord that is really a ritual of them in this house. even when I try to get them to sit at the table... and eat.. they eat all over the house...LoL drives me.. nervous.. more cleaning.. and decontaminating.. Yes Its hard.. on the nerves...

I just wrote a really long response to this and accidentally deleted it, so i may post again on and off as I remember it. Thanks off your post Settinsun. You are so sweet. Just don't hurt your hands by doing it. I am venting, and am okay. I just knew you all would understand here. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone would understand and treat us like they would want to be treated.

I think i am just bent this way, for the most part , and things bother me that obviously don't bother other people because I am bent this way. Maybe God has a plan for us germaphobes. Who knows? I have prayed many times about this, and I always end up feeling the same way about contamination and germs. I know those things are dirty. I was a cashier as a young person, and I can tell you that money is one of the dirtiest things that you can touch. And body hairs from other people that you don't want to touch you---YUCK! I know germs that cause illnesses are dirty. you can't change how i feel about them being dirty. I am the only one who can do that, and I think that is impossible unless God changes me. I try not to bother other people with it., and I try to keep things in perspective so I don't go totally over the edge with this thing. Believe me, I could get even worse with this if I didn't keep it in check.

I have done other things like counting ,checking to see if people are okay (still breathing, etc.) , checking to see if my gas stove burners are not leaking gas , and if the doors are locked and everything turned off when we leave the house. It is a lot of work for me to leave the house , with all the checking that I do, but I have managed to keep myself from going over the edge with those things. I do that on my own terms. And I try not to bother my family or force them to do things that I do, like washing my hand so much. i do ask them to not leave the money lying around just because it bothers me so much, and the dishes on the floor or on top of the money. Those things are uncalled for. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU> Why can't people just live by that? I accept them . Why can't they accept me?

Why can't we be like the WInnie the Pooh characters who all accepted each other as different ? I have been told that I am a cross between the worried rabbit and Eeyore, who stays depressed. The other characters all had different personalities, but they didn't just deliberately bother each other as far as I can remember. Everyone has their own issues. Why can't we all just accept and love each other through these things instead of trying to aggravate the other? I can tell you that , in my case, if people would just say out of my business and le me control these issues in my own way , I would not be as fussy. Stress makes it worse, and i have told them that. They just keep on doing the things that I asked them not to do. at least for the most part. So , I think they are either trying to play therapist and force me to change , or they are just trying to aggravate me for the fun of it

I'm sorry for all that you are having to go through, too, Settinsun . Your family does you like that, and you don't deserve it , either. I'm going to start praying that our people can understand our side of this thing , and just try to treat us like they would want to be treated.

I knew that i would remember something. I was going to say that I feel that God just made me this way. , and maybe I have gone to extremes at time with my obsessive compulsive personality traits. I have brought this under control many times on my own without people trying to force me into it. I counted my steps when I was seven and how many times I would chew my food. I would wash my hands a certain number of times (usually three) when i was eight . I can remember having a really fussy teacher that year that harped on germs a lot, and i started going overboard a little , worrying about germs and other things that she would try to scare us with. I just reacted that way, where some or maybe all of the other kids didn't . I don't know how they reacted , My mother was super fussy about having a clean house . She couldn't stop cleaning. So , I think my natural tendencies ,coupled with what was going on in my environment made me this way. I can remember worrying about "school germs" when I was ten and upset about something that happened at school .It gave me comfort to clean the germs off of me. I kept that tendency to want to be clean from things, people, places that upset me, and still do that, even though I know it is kind of irrational. I have kept myself from going overboard with these things, especially with the counting and checking. I don't need someone else to stand over my shoulder and preach at me to change. If I do make changes, they will have to come about by my own willingness and /or Christ's wanting me to change.

I have kept it in check , for the most part, except for the rape thing . That has been hard to deal with. i have accepted it, but I still have to know that I am clean. I know that stress makes the obsessions worse, though, and other people contribute to the stress when they try to force a germaphobe into changing. I wish we could get that message across to other people .

OH High five to ALL you said.. to the point where.. when others harp on me.. I could just about to finish..and it sets me off.. even into a more cleaning spell.. In my case... Ive even said to various people over the years. Don,t you know. I was just about to stop. I was about finished.. and now? when you do that? I get even more upset.. and will have to repeat some of this again. as I may have missed a spot.. thing like that.. I get very frustrated.. with the un-understanding over the years.. I have most of the time go quietly about my business not saying anything to anyone.. especially when my husband relatives are over. I just go about my business. cleaning up after them.. and not constantly either. i have other thing s to clean .. and I really do not like their company at all. they are insulting..anyhow and a few of them will insult me. still do it. they are older and still do it.. And I get very very flustered. its almost like I can not get my train of thought as to what I cleaned.. and Have to get my bearings back again. Yes they make me worse. and if left alone? I would be much a caller about m,y business. and not get bugged by them at all. Im not a rude person.. I agree. It does get more worse when people bother you about it. i know it does me.. Other examples but I swear it would fill up over 10 pages of the rudeness Ive gotten and made to be upset..
Yes I believe do unto others.. to.. and I really do not think the lord likes. people .. to do that. It is one bad quality.. They should work on. as I know I do not hurt anyone.at all with this.. If anything they have a cleaner environment to be under..

That is fine.. Your venting helps me to vent to... I think we have really been misunderstood. totally.. and I agree. I Used to read winnie pooh as a child. the books..
and watched them when my kids were Little ion TV with them.. I agree. NO they handle their differences with much respect.. I really do. think that. and yes they were all different. personality types. all of them. yet they managed to get along without. over during the picking on each one. I agree. with that too. People just are mean sometimes.. aren't they...

That's crummy that your husband's relatives treat you like that. Older people ought to have more sense than to pick on people. I wish they could walk a mile in your shoes. And , I agree that people are just downright mean sometimes. I wonder if they can see that themselves, or do they think they are in the right.

They I believe think that they cause no harm and are in the right. and that I should just do what they say and how they say it. and stop.. I never gt into their faces or say anything to them.. I just read up and decontaminate.. quietly.. and less **noticeable as possible..** as not to up-set them.. I leave some things I would do out.. for their sake.. and get to it after they leave. only I can not rest at all til I take.. care of some of it.. I would get to nervous.. so compromise.. myself FOR them..

I hate company like that. They sound like my mother in law, who is always trying to step in and tell me how things ought to be done her way. I try to speak up as much as i can and hold my tongue, too, a lot , so we don't get into any major fights. It is annoying, though, when people think they should go around telling other people how to live their lives.

Yes They are all like that.. His relatives.. Never did approve of me. always thought he could do better. But look at all the years we have been together..
It is like that... In more ways than one. for years now. Its so uncomfortable for me to have any of them here. He has three absolutely dictating sisters. The one. sister INLAW I loved and was always kind and nice to talk to always made me feel welcome in her home. and never was at me over how I cleaned and ran my home here dies. of Alzheimer's.. dear Lady... she was the one relative That really was what I call a decent humane being. very comfortable to be around.. I like people like that that don't tell you what to do. and just are kind and nice.. I loved her. and talking to her.. The rest of them? seem very dictating .. much like your mother in law..

i wonder exactly what makes people get that way. It really is annoying. I avoid people like the plague if I know they are like that . Even if I meet somebody that seems like that, I will avoid them because i don't want to get mixed up with people like that. It's hard to avoid in-laws, though.

I like one of my husband's brother and his wife. They are both nice, and not busy-bodies. the rest of them are just know-it-alls, for the most part. I don't know what drives them to be like that . It is annoying. Of course, I have never been good enough for my mother -in-law , either. My husband is the baby of his family and spoiled rotten. Nothing is ever good enough for him, and she looks for opportunities to put me down. I know she talks bad about me when I am not around.

I am not the only one who feels that way about her. She worked in a school cafeteria for years, and thinks she should boss everybody around everywhere she goes. She is always telling people how to run their kitchens , like she is the ultimate expert that knows everything better than everybody else .People have told me that hate to see her coming for that reason.