Gay Parenting Support Group
Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.
I need help. I have a 3 y/o granddaughter and my daughter didn't tell the father she was pregnant. My daughter is gay. She is now in a relationship with another woman ( we don't get along because of her drinking- not the gay factor) and they just moved in together w/ my gd and she calls the gf mommy also. I told me daughter she should have another name like Mimi or something because I never know who she is talking about. But that's not my problem. My daughter is somewhat irresponsible. She is a reformed addict, can't hold a job and somewhat irresponsible. I have my gd 4-5 nights a week. My daughter refuses to tell the babys father about her or even tell anyone who he is (which I think for medical reasons is crazy). But now my gd sees the rest of the kids in the family with mommies and daddies. She keeps asking about her dad and I do not see it as my place to tell her anything about him (esp cuz I don't know) but when she gets older I don't want to lie to her. I think he has a right ot know about her and she has the same right- but its not my place. However, she is acting out now saying she doesn't have 2 mommies. My daughter blames me- but I don't bring it up around her. I just tell her that we all love her. SO- my real question is how to you sit down with a 3 year old and tell her she has 2 mommies- but no daddy (especially when she does have a dad, he just doesn't know she exists and my daughter wants it that way)? Also the gf wants to adopt her (this is the 2nd gf who she has called "mommy") and I told my daughter she would be crazy to let that happen because then she has legal rights to her but she doesn't think about things like that. I did threaten to stop that by telling her that I would let the court know she has a dad and without that dads permission- she can't adopt. But I have to protect my daughter as well because again- she makes bad decisions and I think this gf wants the baby- not my daughter.
kherrbearsmom
Mom's gf won't be able to adopt until dad's parental rights were terminated. If she does not have any of the information to contact/does not give any of they information, they generally put it in the newspaper. So there is a potential he could find out. As a parent who has a one year old with my partner, we simply plan to tell her that everyone's family is different and some families have 2 mommies, 2 daddies, 1 mommy and 1 daddy and she was so special she gets to have 2 mommies to play dress-up with and other girly fun things.!
mrshookano
i agree with kherr you should be able to have an age appropriate talk with your granddaughter and tell her that love is love 2 boys or 2 girls or 1 boy and 1 girl. every family is different but all you can do is be a good grandma and spoil her and show her that everyone deserves love and if and when she finds out about a dad then that should be told by her mom when shes a little older. i have a 6 year old daughter and she has asked why she doesn't have a dad and i told her because shes special enough to have 2 mommies. when she gets a little older i will tell her about her dad but as a parent i would want me and my wife to have that conversation with her. the best of luck to you!
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