Gay Parenting Support Group
Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.
I'm a gay father of a fourteen year-old son. I've been living with my partner for four years, and my son considers my partner 'family'. And my partner refers to my son as his stepson. So far, so good.
My exwife thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go out for lunch after my son's graduation from middle school.
(Actually, this is how I hoped things would normally go after I moved out, but unfortunnately it didn't.)
My exwife is pretty much a bully (aggressive, manipulative, arrogant, sometimes physical), so I'm not looking forward to a lunch where it would be mostly her family and friends (who I do get along with). But she's always said that if my partner is present for anything, she won't be. But she's changed her mind this time for some reason.
My partner and I will be at the graduation for sure, but getting together for lunch afterwards makes me uncomfortable.
My son is with me 50% of the time, and his graduation falls on one of my days. So I'm not sure if I should just go, or do our own thing later.
If I go, I think I'm making a good example for my son. But something is making me feel uneasy. I've tried getting together in the past and it's turned out badly later on. No scenes. Just bad feelings from her later.
Any ideas or input?
My exwife thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go out for lunch after my son's graduation from middle school.
(Actually, this is how I hoped things would normally go after I moved out, but unfortunnately it didn't.)
My exwife is pretty much a bully (aggressive, manipulative, arrogant, sometimes physical), so I'm not looking forward to a lunch where it would be mostly her family and friends (who I do get along with). But she's always said that if my partner is present for anything, she won't be. But she's changed her mind this time for some reason.
My partner and I will be at the graduation for sure, but getting together for lunch afterwards makes me uncomfortable.
My son is with me 50% of the time, and his graduation falls on one of my days. So I'm not sure if I should just go, or do our own thing later.
If I go, I think I'm making a good example for my son. But something is making me feel uneasy. I've tried getting together in the past and it's turned out badly later on. No scenes. Just bad feelings from her later.
Any ideas or input?
remi59
First, I'm wondering what your son'e wishes are, since he's old enough to have an opinion and since it's his special day. Maybe a heart to heart to discuss his feelings on the matter if you haven't already? Second, attending the lunch would certainly be taking the high road on your part, but at the same time only you know the history here. If your instinct strongly warns you against this, some serous consideration is in order. If it's a matter of you just not feeling comfortable, maybe you could make this sacrifice for your son's sake (maybe his Mom is trying to turn over a new leaf), but if past history and instinct tell you his Mom might make some big scene, that is different. Only you can decide. Good luck and congratulations to your son!
ChuckStraight
Thank you. I have decided to take the high-road and go to lunch after my son's graduation. No matter the outcome, I think it's more important to go for him. I was actually more focused on my own feelings rather than his. But, I did ask him if he wanted to go, and his answer was 'no'. He couldn't give me a good reason, but we'll talk about it at another time. I'll write about how things went.
deleted_user
My partner and I have been dealing with my ex-wife's bullying behavior for nearly two years. I think you are doing the right thing, and are doing a great job of respecting your son's feelings. One thing that struck me, however, was your mention of the risk of bad feelings from your ex-wife. I have found it's best to remove my ex-wife's manufactured consequences from the equation altogether when making plans. I try to do what is best for my children, myself, and my partner. My ex can try to make things difficult, but I can deal with that by staying calm, standing my ground, and keeping my distance from her. It becomes very difficult when her behavior is hard on the children, but as long as it does not rise to the level of abuse, there is nothing I can do about that. I focus on being loving, supportive, and honest with my children.
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