Gay Parenting Support Group
Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.
My mother has never liked or even come to terms with the fact that I'm a lesbian. She thinks it's "just a phase" and that I'll snap out of it even though I married my wife and we've been together for almost 3.5 years. She has tried breaking us up over and over, but our relationship has stayed strong. Now, she has my grand parents on her "break us up side". My grand parents used to like my wife, and supported my decision. I would like to ask advice on this, as my mother sees my 2 sons every weekend. I don't know what she's saying to them, and am afraid that now that she has converted my grand parents to being anti-gay that she will try to talk my sons into hating my wife as well. Should I let her still see them? should I let her see them but tell her if she says anything negative about my wife and my relationship that I won't allow her to see them anymore? or should I just cut off all ties with her b/c of her non supportive ways? I have never been the kind of person that just disownes people, but I think she's taken it too far. Advice please????
I tried the "if you don't stop talking trash to my kids, I'm not going to let you see or talk to my kids anymore." Note my kids are adult teens but I pay the bill. She couldn't leave her mouth shut, so I changed all the phone numbers. She no longer has contact with anyone and I'm thinking it's getting pretty lonely at her house.
I think it's the best option to tell your children that if grandma says anything that makes you feel uncomfortable I don't want you to be afraid to tell me. Both your mom's love you very much. Then tell grandma that if it comes to your attention that she is bad mouthing you or your family that she will no longer have contact with any of you.
That's my two-cents worth.
Aga
Amber
My mom will never, ever EVER accept my relationship with my partner.
We are going on 3 years now. We are not kids; we are both 44 years old. She is a lifetime lesbian, I am not, but I am committed to her.
That is where the problem lies. It "disturbs" my mother that I wasn't "born" gay. She claims if I had been, she would have had no problem with this relationship. I think otherwise, but I'm not in my mother's head so I can't say for sure.
I've been with men before; this is my first same-sex relationship. I fell in love with my best friend from jr. high after we reconnected through facebook.
My advice to you is this, I know for a fact that I can't change my own mother. She is who she is. She is the product of her own upbringing, religious values, friends, family, experiences, whatever. Talking to her is like screaming into a tornado. In fact, sometimes, I'd rather do that :)
However, in my case, I've decided that my relationship with her is more important than her approval BECAUSE I KNOW I'LL NEVER GET IT, NOT BECAUSE I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR IT. Do I think I'm a worthy person? Absolutely. Do I think she SHOULD tell me this? Yep. Will she? Yeah right.
My partner thinks of my girls and me above and beyond herself. She works six days a week so they can have every thing they could possibly need or want. We are her first thought when she opens her eyes in the morning and her last thought when she closes them at night. We talk to each other with amazing respect. She makes sure I am comfortable and cherished. My mother will NEVER, EVER acknowedge that.
Keeping your kids from their grandparents is tricky. My parents did that with us when we were kids. It was over a whole different issue (money), but it was still rough. We didn't see them for 7 years. We were confused and, at times, angry. We made up our own stuff sometimes, as kids often do.
I know it is hard, but the best approach is the direct approach, if at all possible. Say as much as you can to your mom about how much she is hurting you. And then, my friend, you may have to realize that she will not change.
Absolutely, talk to your kids and tell them that what she and your grandparents say is not right (I do!), and why. And then decide for yourself if your relationship with your mom is important to you. For some, it is too painful. That is ok. One size does not fit all.
Good luck to you!