Gay Parenting Support Group

Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.

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My 15 year old

FullMeasure
FullMeasure

My wife and I (more her than me) have suspected for quite some time that our older son might emerge as gay. I'll be honest - This is nothing I would ever choose for him. Life is hard enough when everything is completely "normal" That said, I fully acknowledge that sexual orientation is not a choice.



Well, I recently found some writing of his (that I'm pretty sure wasn't supposed to be seen) that all but confirms this. I don't want to go into too much detail. He doesn't know that I know. My wife doesn't know that I know. I'm not going to force him to talk about anything until he's ready.


 He is in counseling as a result of a sexual abuse disclosure that is also outlined on here in a different forum. 


I'm sad for him. He's been through so much already, and now this. I'm sad for me. Selfishly, I wanted to see him grow into a man and have his own family - I wanted to see his bloodline. I don't want this for him. If it was possible to change it, I would, though, not for reasons people might think.


We (hopefully) live in the most enlightened and tolerant age in history. There are still people who harbor hatred and ignorance towards gay people. There are people who would be fine seeing them come to harm. I can hardly bear the thought of my son possibly being the target of any of that. It brings tears to my eyes - even as I type this. All I want is for him to be happy and safe. I am open to feedback. Do I say anything to my wife? I want this journey, wherever it leads, to be his own. The bottom line is, I love my son. I would step in front of a train for either him or his younger brother. All best to everyone!

SirGrits
SirGrits
I wonder how tolerant people might be of my own opinion on this matter. I do happen to believe that homosexuality is a choice. Having said that, we have to be respectful of the fact that it isn't your choice but your son's. And the world, "science", doesn't agree that it is a choice at all. My sons are 15 & 16, and I've outlined my view to them but have to let them chose their way. The thing they must know is that my love of them is without condition. They do not have to chose my choices for me to love them, nor do they need to hold my views. House rules are another matter, those have to be obeyed. Until they are out from my roof or married, sex with anyone is forbidden regardless of sex. Clearly I'm trying to work this out too, but never let your son think that you don't love and accept him for who he is. Setting boundaries is an act of love. Whatever boundaries you set, try and illustrate that they come from an angle of love and preparation for a world that will try to bring him down regardless of his sexual choice.
Prayers bro.
FullMeasure
FullMeasure
I appreciate the response. Not to get too much into the weeds, but I would draw a distinction between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. Theoretically speaking, sexual behavior would be a choice. Sexual orientation though ... I think that seems like - "factory equipment" for lack of better terminology.

At any rate, I'm just a dad concerned about his kid. I hate that he will very likely encounter people who wish him ill simply because he (possibly) is same-sex attracted. We can't protect them forever, I know. It's just hard. Parenting is wonderful, horrible and everything in between. Nothing prepares you. It can't be accurately described to someone who's never been a parent. Thank you again!
zeezy
zeezy
Love and support your son. Empower him to love and be proud of himself through your behavior and words. Try to be positive while being realistic. Don’t treat his sexual orientation as an illness or affliction - that may unnecessarily add to any feelings of alienation, turmoil and confusion he may already be experiencing as a teen and from hardships you alluded to. If he hasn’t come out, you will need to carefully judge when to have a conversation with him about it, but you probably should let him know he has your support. Unless your spouse has a more positive perspective about this than you do, I wouldn’t bring it up before talking to your son first.

Many young men and women have grown up hating who they are, seeing their sexual orientation or even gender identity as something horribly wrong with them and to be ashamed of. They eventually must and will face it, and it is worlds easier while young - especially with the support of loved ones - than to do so after decades of self loathing and shame.. not to mention all the years potentially wasted/saved.