Gay Parenting Support Group
Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.
hi everyone..my name is stephanie...im writting a book. the things i write about are inspired by my lfie. and in high school i had these two female teachers who were best friends and i loved them alot that i would pretend they were parents.
in the book im reading. the main character's parents divorced. mutual decision and the mom starts dating a women and later on it gets serious and that when i want to incorporate the conversation between the daughter and mother.
i want to be accurate..i know not everyone is the same or has the same situation, but how did you tel ur child/children about ur sexuality? how did you tell them that ur partner was moving in and that you really care about them? especially lesbian females, ur feedback would mean everything to me.
and my main character will be 15 years old. so mature enough to know whats going on. when do you talk to ur kids about it btw?
im sorry if this is inappropriate
xox
in the book im reading. the main character's parents divorced. mutual decision and the mom starts dating a women and later on it gets serious and that when i want to incorporate the conversation between the daughter and mother.
i want to be accurate..i know not everyone is the same or has the same situation, but how did you tel ur child/children about ur sexuality? how did you tell them that ur partner was moving in and that you really care about them? especially lesbian females, ur feedback would mean everything to me.
and my main character will be 15 years old. so mature enough to know whats going on. when do you talk to ur kids about it btw?
im sorry if this is inappropriate
xox
After coming out to my mother and my siblings I decided to talk with my boys. I didn't do it right away instead I reinforced my love to them through spending lots of time with them and speaking with them regarding the separation of their father and myself. My oldest son at the time was 15. He was glad that my husband and I separated because he said, "mom you just were not happy and I just got sick of seeing you sad and crying all the time"
Everyday I spent quality time with each of my sons who each had their own needs and personality. I discovered by slow walking the process of telling them about my sexual orientation this would somehow ease their mind of my role to them in the end. I told them one by one when I felt they were ready. My 15 year old was older so of course I told him first.
It was difficult telling him because I knew that he looked up to me a lot. I knew that he had these expectations of how his mom was suppose to be and or viewed.
We were in the basement of our home doing laundry together. We were talking about his part-time work schedule and school. He was concerned about balancing the two and keeping up his GPA! I told him how proud I was of him and how hard he worked. I expressed thanks to him for his help around the home and the importance of his role as big brother in the home. I told him I am telling him this so that he knows how I feel about him and that nothing will ever change that for me. I also told him that I wanted to discuss some things about myself with him that I wanted him to hear from me and not from anyone else.
I told my son that day that I was gay and that I knew that I was gay every since I was in elementary school. I explained part of my history with him about growing up in a African American home being adopted and not wanting to feel anymore of an outcast that I already had been feeling. I spoke and spoke and finally STOPPED to ask him what was he feeling? He sat there eyes glazed over, and apparently in shock. It was then I realized that I had given out way too much information for this kid to digest at one time. I took a deep breath and apologized for talking way too long and told him that I would be quiet and let him talk. I told him that he can say whatever he wanted to, express himself in anyway that he wanted and that I would not be angry or disappointed in any way.
He sat there for a long moment and it was silent. It was the one of the most sickening silences I've ever experienced. So many thoughts were racing through my mind....what if he hates me? what if he says he no longer wants to live with me? what if he just gets up and walks away disgusted? I don't know that I am prepared to deal with that, Oh my GOD what have I done?
Finally he spoke and he said.....mom it's your life and you have to do what makes you happy. I need some more time to digest this but as long as I have my family I am pretty sure we will all be fine!
I let out the longest breath ever! No seriously, I hadn't even realized that I was holding my breath until I let it out. I cried and he hugged me and told me " I Love you mom, you have always been here for me and my brothers and now I guess we need to be here for you"
Don't think for one instant that it was smooth sailing from that point because it was not. It was difficult for the boys to adjust to my being with another woman. I suppose my boys tried to figure out their role in the life of a woman who preferred companionship with another woman and if all woman ended up like that. I assured them that it wasn't the case. There was a lot of insurmountable guilt on my part for not coming out sooner, for putting my children in the midst of my own madness. I overcompensated for not being with a male and tried participating in things that only the boys were interested in. I was a little to leinient on them because of my guilt in the beginning until one day I figured out that nothing should or has changed about me except they way that I LOVE period!
That was 14 years ago and now all of my boys post the tolerance signs for all to see in support of their lesbian mother. They have been open to getting to know my partners and in the END all they want is MOM to be happy and for someone to treat her with RESPECT and to LOVE her.
I hope this helps!
I have two children, under 11 years old. Both of my kiddos already know about mommy liking girls. My son, the youngest, I don't think has an opinion other than, whatever mom. My daughter, the oldest, she is says it is fine. I am very open with my kids and discuss many topics. I would much rather my kids learn from me, than that of kids at school that have no idea. My children have seen me with a girlfriend, and they looked for a little bit, then just knew it was all normal. I have taught my kids that it is not the gender of a person that you look at, but the actual person. I think the fact that I am not a big PDA person makes it a little easier too. Nor do I date very much. They are not surrounded by others much in my romantic way of life. Even when I dated men, I was discreet. I still ask my kids what they think, and how they feel about mommy liking girls. Both have simply said that they don't care, it's not anyone's business, and if I am okay, then they are too. Kids are so innocent. They only know what is taught to them. Nobody is born prejudice.
I think that if I kept my sexuality hidden it would create more strains on both myself and my children when I finally did decide to come out.
As for my family and friends, it just happens to come out when it is time to do so. Telling my family, I cannot recall how or when I told them, they just one day were informed.
I don't know if this helped, but there is something for you.