Gay Parenting Support Group

Gay parenting has been an important issue over the past few years. Over 34% of lesbian mothers have at least one child residing in their home and 22% of gay men have at least one child living with them. Together there are 6 to 10 million gay parents that are caring for between 6 and 14 million children.

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Am I wrong?

supportseeking
supportseeking
I have been with my partner on and off for 12 years and very 100% for the last 4 years. She has an 8 year old son that I have been like a mother to him since I found out she was pregnant. I have never seen myself as a step mother even though he does have a mother and father. I have always seen him as my own son, however when it comes to feeling like I am a mother it is not there. I am worried he does not look at me or love me like a mother. He does not call me mom or mommy and yeah it hurts a little but it is also again because he has always had his own little name for me Ra-Ra.

I do not get the respect from him as a parent, he never listens to me and would rather do things with his mother. Dont get my wrong I know that is his mother and that they have a special bond. I love my partner and I love the bond she has with our son and she is an amazing mother.
I just dont feel I get the respect as a parent not only from our son but also from my partner. If I tell him no, she lets him, if he doesnt listen to me, she doesnt say "did you hear what she said" or she doesnt back me up.
Am I wrong for feeling like a stranger in my own beautiful family? Am I doing something?

I think he is a little young to ask him if he seems me as his mother, and we have never really sat down with him to explain that me and his mother are girlfriends. However he knows we are a family and that we love each other. Should I talk to him about it? Or should I just not let it get to me.

I am hoping someone might be to help give me advice or support.

Thank you very much. :)
mrshookano
mrshookano
if you have been apart of his life since day one and you feel like a outsider and have no say in what goes on in his life then i think you and your partner need to have a talk. when i 1st met my wife she had a 4 year old daughter and before we even started dating we had a talk. we talked about what part i would play if we went further in the relationship. she told me that if i was apart of her life then i have 10000 % say in what goes on with this little girl. i can discipline and i can spoil i can do what ever i wanted because she would be mine as well and it was a big discussion that we had to have before we could move on. your partner needs to let you be a parent to your son and you guys need to be on the same page for discipline or what he gets and what he doesn't. i think you should sit down with your partner and tell her you feel like she isn't sharing parental responsibility with you and you deserve it. also 8 years old he is old enough to tell you what he thinks. i have a 9 year old and he tells me what he think even when i don't want it :) i hope this helps even a little and good luck your a mother and you deserve to be treated like one!
Iamtheirmother.
Iamtheirmother.
I agree with the previous reply. You need to talk to your partner to get on the same page. It might be a difficult discussion, partly depending on what the the custody situation is and how well the other parents get along, but it needs to happen (and I suppose probably already has).

I have two children, 15 and 9, who stay in a house my ex-husband and I maintain together for them. I stay there part of the time, and with my girlfriend of over a year when I'm not with my kids. My girlfriend only sees my kids occasionally, and since they are older has a different relationship to them. Still it is important that she and I talk about and agree what her role is with them.