I have added some missing words - in my online blog:

http://nakedaussies.com/why-do-gay-people-hate-me.html

If you wouldn't mind please looking over the adjusted posting - I don't know how to change it on here. I've added that:

"Some members of Boot Company Brisbane 'seem' to be endorsing unsafe sex".
I in no way intend any offence to Boot Company Brisbane saying things that are incorrect - I'm quite sure they are very aware.

Thanks

Dave

Hello David,

I can appreciate the sentiments and seriousness of the topic of safe sex. The part where we would probably disagree is not on the information you are saying, but the verbiage that you are using to convey that information. It has nothing to do with "having a potty mouth" as much as it has to do with coming across hostile. As I said, I can appreciate the sentiments because I too have had to bury many friends as well as a family member because of HIV and AIDS.

In the instance of the broken skin that the picture shows, there are many unhealthy possibilities to having a person break the skin with their mouth. The human mouth has so many potential illnesses possible from a bite that HIV is only one of many. When it comes to contracting HIV through ejaculatory fluids on a freely bleeding wound, it is possible, though not probable that they will contract the disease. That is not to say that it is a safe practice to break skin during sexual encounters.

In the instance you are speaking of, the biggest concern to me would be if the duo was practicing safe-sex during penetration. If they are using protection while having sex, the seminal fluids would remain contained within the condom. You are right to caution them about the possibility of HIV but would probably have served them better by giving them information about the many things they can contract with a human bite. HIV of course being a big bad, but other things like hepatitis, infections, etc need to be mentioned as well.

The thing I would emphasize for you is that it is not so much what you are saying, but how you are saying it. My partner has a habit of saying anything that comes to mind without considering the impact the comment can have on the feelings of another person. I can see how a person sharing an intimate picture of a sexual fantasy might become upset if instead of saying that the fantasy it represents is hot but is instead reprimanded for practicing safe sex.

For myself, I would probably have responded a bit differently. I am not sure how your advice was given, but the following is a way that could have gotten the information across without causing a negative response.

I agree that the pictures you are sharing and the whole idea of having hot animal sex is great. I really enjoy the mental imagery that the images evoke. (To the guys that commented on "keeping it real') The two guys in this must really have been into it to not have noticed or even to have enjoyed the markings they were given.

(After that paragraph, following up with this...) The thing about this image that disturbs me is that it brings up memories of all the friends and loved ones that I have lost to HIV. I don't know if you are aware of it, but breaking skin during sex is very risky. If the guys here weren't practicing safe-sex, or even if they were having safe-sex during intercourse but have yanked off the condom to cum they are risking contracting HIV or other body fluid transmitted diseases. Breaking skin during sex is something that we all have to be careful of, especially with the outbreak of HIV. Even if the men are lucky enough not to contract HIV, there is also hepatitis and various other diseases and infections that can be caused by biting and breaking skin. It is a hot image, just please guys, be cautious when you are in the heat of the moment to remember that no matter how great the sex is.. it is not worth your life.

Just saying..

Blunt has its place, and if there is a backlash to your comments, being blunt about the possibilities at that point is perfectly appropriate.

Anyway, hope this helps to give you an idea why some people could take offense at what you are saying. If someone avoids you, or cringes away from you in public, you may want to find out why. It could be that when you are deep in thought, your face assumes an angry pose. If you have been working out, a buff body attached to an angry face may be the cause of their avoidance. Many times I have thought that there was something wrong with me because of reactions of others.. only to find out that it had nothing to do with me.. but had to do with whatever is running through their mind at the time. You may just be catching the tail end of a bad thought, and have unknowingly evoked an avoidance response with the intensity of your gaze.

Then again, it just may be that the guys are a bunch of pussies that need to man-up. LOL.

Take care,

~Wolfie

Hi davidoz,

I don't post much but I have enjoyed your replies over the months. I like your idea of letting it go, flow "like water off a duck's back". I can appreciate your sincerity but maybe it's because we grew up in a different time. We had to be a bit thick skinned as kids growing up in a homophobic world.

I've tempered my sense of humor down a lot because people in general these days seem to be much "softer". They need things sugar coated, even the ones that come across as hard asses. It might seem pathetic that we have to be so accommodating to the fragile egos. Maybe even ironic considering that some of these people have no problem dishing out insult themselves.

Anyway, I agree with WolfeNAbingdon. I've changed how I say stuff so that the message can be received and still be effective. Maybe I'm compensating for today's modern mindset.

As far as what to do going forward, just keep being yourself but maybe more mindful of the fragile characters in today's society. Keep looking forward and surround yourself with good friends who understand and know the real you. No need to apologize for your situation either. And the fucktards are not worth the drama or jail time. I'd walk away if possible.

If any of those - pigs are stupid enough to bite someone or get bitten and use sperm to dress the wound, they deserve whatever happens. Your comment may have stirred them for two reasons: they were indulging in a bit of fantasy and you threw cold water on it or they subscribe to the reverse culture going on right now regarding POS people where in no one says anything practical about safe sex as not to offend anyone pos. Let it go and next time - let them bite and bugger off.

Hi guys,
Before I add anything more regarding the above situation, I would like to share with you all part of a private conversation I am having regarding my being single and looking for Mr Right.

--- snip ---

No, I haven't found anyone special.

I did find someone very special 20 years ago, but he died about a year after meeting him of AIDS. He taught me everything I know about having safer sex, making love, and being in the moment. I was 28, he was 42, and I didn't realise the true beauty he personified and I let other fuckers break me away so they could fuck with me - both physically as well as emotionally.

His 'friends' were totally non-supportive after Ray's death.
My family couldn't support me at all after "my friend's" death. (for fuck sake - death is death, yeah?)
Anyway, I went along to his friends to see if I could get some emotional support - to be totally disrespected:

"Oh, we heard all about it - how long it was, how long you lasted - all the gory details... YOU were the only one he ever took home too! But, don't worry - you'll find someone new."

I was pole-axed... these were supposed to be his friends! Why would they be so hurtful?

So, yes I am single. I prefer to stay that way than become involved with someone who would allow themselves to be manipulated by so called friends. I respect myself far too much to allow this.

--- end snip ---

As I said, this is part of my reply to someone in a private conversation. These are my words, there is nothing revealed about the person with whom I am talking and as these words are mine, and I feel you all might benefit by knowing a little bit more about me, I use these words here.

Now - WHAT I DID NOT SAY
I think about Ray E. almost every single week. I still love him very deeply and the feeling of grief and deep loss is still with me, but the anger has his 'friends' has long ago faded - but is far from gone.

WHAT IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT?
What if...

Ray told me, "David, honey, don't play 'what ifs - it doesn't get you anywhere."

I tend to agree.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU BECOME HIV+
Not much.
You are still the same loveable, intelligent, happy person you were before (if you were those things) - or as Ray often said, "Hey Honey, HIV is just a virus - if you were an asshole before - you'll be an asshole after you get HIV".

This sort of direct speech really shocked and surprised me at the time. NOW that is the way I speak all the time.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A PREVENTABLE DISEASE CAUSED BY A VIRUS THAT IS TRANSMITTED BY BODILY FLUIDS

HIV/AIDS is not airborne. It is not spread by shaking hands or sharing a the same glass of champagne. HIV/AIDS is NOT something that should stigmatise an entire part of the community - a disease is a disease - lets be hard on the transmission factors and easy on the people.

PLEASE NOTE:
I know more people who are HIV+ than you would ever believe. Some are long time survivors of HIV/AIDS who witness the annihilation of many or most of their friends.

One lovely man, now long gone, spoke of his glory times in San Francisco - California in the 1970s - United States of America.

Did you know that Bette Middler got her break performing the Gay Bath Houses in California? As did MANY of the world's top performers.

WHY DO I BRING THIS UP?
It is important not to lose focus due to semantics - "potty mouthed" and "not welcome here" - and "we all hate you"

Sweethearts - if your group: Boot Company Brisbane for Leather, Denim, Kink is what it is supposed to be - then you really shouldn't be looking for "SOFT SOAP AND SYMPATHY" unless you have been living under a fucking big pink rock out there - you might have noticed that PEOPLE ARE BECOMING HIV POSITIVE RIGHT NOW TODAY over 20 years after the crisis became news - and a lot of the guys in Queensland that are becoming positive ARE IN THEIR FORTIES - there is absolutely no excuse for people to become HIV+ in this day and age of excellent education by QaHC - Queensland Association of Healthy Communities http://www.qahc.org.au

HIV/AIDS is NOT a gay disease - not by a long chalk.
Anyone can get it - then transmit it to their spouse and other lovers and sex partners.

I HAVE SUCCEEDED - I WON
I won? Won what?
My chosen path in the later part of my life - now I'm about to turn 49 years of age - is to spread the message that HIV/AIDS is preventable. OF COURSE it is preventable. Just visit http://www.qahc.org.au or visit my website http://www.nakedaussies.com to watch videos on how to fuck other guys safely, comfortably, using condoms and lube, and also how to roll a condom on an uncircumcised hard cock. (You've got to love those New Zealanders)

So, whether I should have used nicer language in my post in the Facebook page. Maybe. Do I regret ruffling feathers and getting people talking about whether breaking the skin on your lover during sex play is dangerous - and that if you spray your cum all over his chest - and it goes into the cuts - potentially exposing your lover to HIV/AIDS etc... well guys - that IS VERY DANGEROUS activity - and like I said at the time - if that is KEEPING IT REAL - you really need to define what "IT" is that you are keeping real.

Having said that, I do not have the photo of they young man's chest - that is on a Facebook page I nolonger have access to.
One person refers to it as if he has it on his computer or at least as access to it - perhaps - now he as raised the subject - he might like to post the photo so we can all see it and know what we are talking about.

As for my wordage - hey - wake the fuck up and smell the fucking coffee - people are dying out there - and this is 25+ years since the discovery of HIV/AIDS - some of the guys becoming positive - and potentially infecting others - are less than 25 years of age. Surly it is up to us - the older members of the GLBTIQ community to inform the young ones how to avoid infections of STIs + HIV/AIDS.

Now, if this discussion repulses people - and gives them a soft cock - rather than the usual 'bar of steel' - I don't know whether to say sorry or not.
* Are you offended because you've never heard this sort of thing before?
* Are you offended because now people, having become aware of the very real risks - may not feel so 'free' to be relaxed with what they are doing? Why? Safe sex doesn't have to be boring - for fuck sake... just let me know and I'll introduce you to some very horny stuff - all safe.
* Are you concerned that I am stigmatising the GLBTIQ community as if we are the only people who can contract HIV/AIDS? Don't be concerned about that. HIV/AIDS does not discriminate - people do.
* Are you concerned that I might be bringing Boot Company Brisbane Leather, Denim and Kink into a bad light.? That is definitely NOT what I wanted at all. I am very aware that a number of the members of the club are HIV+ and very, very good friends of mine. If you are worried about this - lets make a mutual press release (not in QNews though - the bastard who brought down QaHC owns that rag) - and we can video the meeting with QaHC perhaps and put in on our respective website - mine being http://www.NAKEDAUSSIES.COM

If people were offended by my post - good - lets hope they were offended because they didn't know of the risks and NOW THEY DO KNOW THE RISKS.

If people were offended by my posts because it may cramp their style - GOOD - because intentionally infecting someone with HIV/AIDS is illegal and you can go to jail. (lets not even go there, huh? Jail sex is definitely not what you might imagine - believe me,.)

Well, its 02:10 on Thursday morning. I'm going back to bed again.
I hope everyone checks out my website - which is just a collection on pre-authorised links and websites for the gay community and for men who have sex with men.

As for the guys who HATE ME... take a fuckin' number honey... but that's for another posting - or discussion. I'd love to meet you and shout you a drink or two, or have pizza and beer at someone place.

NONE OF THIS IS PERSONAL - I'm simply getting the community ready for when I run for Parliament in a few years. (stop laughing - look where my ex Andrew Baker is now...)

Hugs,

Dave

Hello Dave,

Nothing you have posted has offended me. I am 45 and my husband turns 60 in February. Your language and his are very similar so I don't take offense easily. Sometimes you have to say something a certain way for shock factor, and that is one situation that the use of "vulgar language" is not only acceptable, it is essential. If anything I wrote appears to relegate HIV/AIDS to a homosexual disease, then I misspoke. I don't think I referred to it that way because I do not believe that to be true and never have.

I too, am concerned with the spread of HIV/AIDS in this younger generation as well because there is so much information available to them.. there is no excuse for not being up to date with preventative measures. I think that the kids have the impression that the treatments available for HIV/AIDS make contracting HIV/AID not as much of a death sentence as it was before. That concerns me greatly because that is just not true. They are able to extend your life expectancy, but the end result is still the same.. not to mention the vulnerability the disease creates for contracting other deadly illnesses.

I hosted a chat on Oprah Winfrey's website ThriveOnline.com for several years. The site won the webby awards every year it was online because of all the information contained in it. The site had links for safe sex, Q&A forums, links for those feeling suicidal, HIV/AIDS awareness and information as well as hundreds of other resources to help educate the public. I hosted many a chat on abuse, sexual assault, Gay/Lesbian Issues and Communication. One of the largest followings I had was in the he said/she said topic because it helped to emphasize how poor most people's communications are. One of the easiest ways to show how both people can be "right" in how they hear something.. yet have the wrong information that can cause future problems.

For instance, when you say I saw a spider under the stairs, so grabbed a shoe and squashed it.. you may be speaking of a garden spider. Someone hearing your story hears the word Spider.. and their mind applies the image of a black widow to it. Later down the line, a fight may occur because the person believes that you ran the risk of being bitten by this "spider" and since in his/her mind it was a black widow, you risked death.

The lessons I taught in that chat were how to speak clearly, how to listen attentively, and how to clarify what you heard with what was said. In the instance of the spider, neither person was "wrong" about the spider, but there was a failure to communicate because the type of spider was not clarified. A simple question of what kind of spider by the listener could have prevented a future issue. The likelihood of the spider situation actually occurring is slim, but it is an easy way to show how easily people filter what is said.

In respect to fire's response, the younger generation does seem to be a lot thinner skinned. I don't know if that is because the types of punishments allowed now are not as harsh as when I grew up, or if it is because the younger generations have a lot more information at their fingertips. A lot of the social skills and exposure to various communication styles has become a lot more stilted with the advent of the web. People are able to hide behind a computer screen when talking, rather than face to face communicating. Intonation is lost on the web, so there is a great deal more misunderstandings and miscommunications occurring.

The main issue that I see with the usage of boards such as this, or as available on other sites, is that the communications are broken up. The people "talking" are not doing so live, but rather have broken conversations in discussion boards. That is one of the main things I miss about the chatroom experience. If something is misinterpreted in a chatroom, you are able to attempt to clarify the problem immediately. In a discussion board, you may not see the reply soon enough to respond to it before a bunch of other people have read it.. and responded as well.

Keep up enlightening the people you speak to on boards such as that.. but be mindful that if you piss them off without cause.. the information you are sharing may be ignored. I can see the potential of less mature people going out and doing the dangerous activities you are advising against just to get back at you. A spoonful of sugar can sometimes help make an unpleasant topic more readily heard.

Just my opinion.

~Wolfie

Hi Wolfie,

Thank you for your considered reply.

Now... lets look at what you said in the cold hard light of day.

1. Who is hiding on these boards? YOU... where is your photo? Not me, on my website I have videos of me speaking - you hear my voice, see my image and get to know me. Where are yours.
2. Bravo on your webys. Great to hear you are doing such great work. I trust you are continuing it. We are not enemies, far from it.
3. Communication: correct - I unfortunately got emotional - allowing the messenger be confused with the message BUT if it got people talking about negotiated safer sex activities - great
4. You said, "lucky enough not to have HIV" - dude, where does LUCK come into it - unless you are having unsafe sex in the first place
5. You mentioned, or implied that the people may not have noticed they had broken the skin in their love play. Where do you get this? How would you NOT notice? Your informed response would be greatly appreciated.
6. Having attained a Certificate III in Community Service work, a Certificate IV in Workplace Training and Assessment, having done Community Volunteer work for years I have seen the 'coal face' of discrimination, physical and mental disability, mental illnesses, to say nothing about my own experiences of being raped from a very young age right up to my pre-teenage years - mostly by males in my own extended family. I'm more than happy to forward to you privately the Police Statements I've lodged over the past two years... it had taken that long.
7. You mentioned that having semen come in contact with an open wound won't necessarily cause HIV. Dude - do you juggle with broken glasses as a pass time? Where do you get off even suggesting this may not be what it is: FUCKING DANGEROUS.
8. Are you speaking here on behalf of Boot Company? You never said you weren't. What about my suggestion in a previous post.
9. I am glad I did not offend you. My intention is not necessarily to offend - but to educate - sometimes an egg smashed by a sledge hammer followed by the considered words from someone such as you is exactly what is needed. What I find offensive is apologists who pretend that a condom with lube is the only protection you need from HIV/AIDS and other STIs. Common sense weighs in heavily - as does negotiated love play - informed decisions based on weighing up the pros and cons of what you are about to do.
10. Having said that: in San Francisco on the advent of HIV/AIDS the hysterical knee jerk reaction by the Health Departments by closing down all the bath houses was exactly what was not what was needed. May I humbly suggest that education is needed within your community of kink sex. I say your community as I don't actually take part in it - other than giving fantastic blow jobs in crowded party areas such as Number 29 that afternoon.
11. Strongly worded, emotive posts by survivors of HIV/AIDS relationships come natural to me, especially when I'm being told that I'm a "c**t" and that I am "not welcome" and that "everyone hates me". Great, like I said, take a number. Mind you, the last time I heard this sort of crap I was in High School.
12. When you said - toward the end of your post: "Keep up enlightening the people you speak to on boards such as that.. but be mindful that if you piss them off without cause.. the information you are sharing may be ignored." are you inferring that I am pissing them off WITHOUT cause?

I think its just wonderful how you have the balls to come out and say what you have done. I just wish you also chose to show your face. TO NOT SHOW YOUR FACE NEGATES EVERYTHING you have said about being open in communication.
As for chatrooms - its said and gone forever. On here its here for good. I invite you to look through many of my other posts - read, learn about me and my communication skills gained via my Neuro-Linguistic Behaviour studies, my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, as well as
the old tried-and-trusted Transactional Analysis studies.

I'm not quite a sheep in a Wolf's skin - although I have skinned a few wolves in my time - but that is another story entirely.

Like I said in a previous post - I don't want any more problems with the Police - and I am far from going to confess to stuff I shouldn't on these boards.
When all is said and done though - blood splatters contain HIV/AIDS too. So if kinks want blood letting, branding (which I have seen on the Boot Company Facebook Page "PIG" was the brand) - as piercing and other such things. Of course Boot Company wouldn't endorse such things nor host them, but remember that Plain Clothed Police can also access your venues, record the goings on with video and report to their supervisors.

I always think fondly about the people who were stupid enough to threaten my life in person.

Hugs,

Dave

Hello David,

First off, I am not speaking for anyone but myself. I have never been near the Boot Company website so have no idea what it is about let alone know enough to speak for them.

If you had bothered to send a friend request, youd be able to see the actual picture of me and my partner of 13 years. As for speaking, I choose to talk to people on the phone and have done so with several people on here. I also am technologically advanced enough to be able to use Skype and other software to video chat live with them. It is one thing to post on here in a bitchy tone like you do and another to actually listen to what others have to say and respond live.

As for being lucky enough not to have HIV, Unfortunately, there is more than one way to spread HIV. I have friends that got the disease from sharing a needle. That they were that stupid to do that still amazes me. If you feel the need to spell out all the ways that a person can contract the disease, feel free to do so. For myself, I prefer to speak to the men on a one-on-one basis because I am better able to ascertain what form is most likely to sink in. That is not to say that public information, web links, pamphlets and speaking in forums isn't an effective form of passing on information, I am simply saying that my preferred method is in person or on the phone.

As for not noticing breaking the skin... while I do not partake of them, I have met many men that use mind altering substances that blunt the senses (both physically and common obviously). Hell, some of the shit they use alters their perception enough that they may not remember who the hell the person is that they wake up next to in the morning.
I have had several friends that havent noticed during sex that they are leaving marks on their lover's body. A Hicky is a good example of not realizing the markings. There are also men who get so friggen drunk that you could bite a nut off and they wouldnt notice until the next day. That is just the legal drugs to obtain, there are certainly many more that are used that blur reality.

Once again, as you brought up at the end of your post....I am neither a member of PIG nor of Boot Company so am not aware of what they will or will not host. I have a year + under my belt for a degree in psychology plus a couple of decades of experience in therapy and/or volunteer work. I was raped as a child by the neighbor and lived through a great deal of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Hence, I went to therapy when I was 18 and able to do so without parental permission. I am not trying to compare wounds, but thought you might like to know that you are not alone in the pain those wounds create. Instead of allowing those traumatic experiences to embitter me, I have used the information learned in therapy as well as the college courses I took as a psychology major to help others deal with the feelings of being alone, of being damaged goods and too many other PTSD related symptoms to name. I maintain a very large collection of self-help books that I can reference and recommend for those in need.

The point I attempted to make in my initial post was a simple one.. if you talk down to people, treat them like shit or otherwise provide information to them in a negative manner, they are likely to ignore the content of what you said and instead focus on attacking you. It is a hell of a lot easier to take the focus off of an uncomfortable subject and turn the emotions evoked to angry responses that attack your character.

Chat rooms may have the limitation of being "said and gone" but they also have the distinct advantage of being able to ask questions and seek a deeper understanding immediately.. potentially when the answers are needed immediately. In a chatroom, you can also refer to permanent links of information and boards.. where people can go for standard information and information that can be studied at leisure.

I am not a sheep in Wolfe's clothing either. I have had my share of people trying to skin me.. and I am still here. I get along with 99% of the people I speak with and the other 1% isn't worth me worrying about. It's your choice which you want to be.

~Wolfie

G'day Wolfie,

Thank you once again for your well considered message.

Congratulations on your chosen path of education - so you can help people through their issues. You are far stronger than me.

I'm not wanting to compete in a pissing contest - having been raped numerous times by family members - not just the neighbour - you can imagine what Christmases were like for me as a kid - youngest of 7 - thinking I was the only kid to be raped... turns out all of us had been - but that's another story.

I misinterpreted in your post:

"In the instance of the broken skin that the picture shows, there are many unhealthy possibilities to having a person break the skin with their mouth."

I took it that you were a member of the Boot Company Leather, Denim and Fetish Facebook page and had seen the photo in question. Sorry for this misunderstanding.

As for sitting in chat rooms giving advice to people - my ex and I had done that for about 8 or 9 years - then got too busy with our Internet Development business.

As for your photo - I don't need to know what you look like - frankly I don't care - I just thought it would have added weight to your argument about communication if you had a photo as your Avitar. You obviously have the intellect and computer skills. Putting an image of a Wolf is great - amazing image. I choose to display my photo so people can see my face immediately. I'm not going to "tell grandma how to suck eggs" but you might like to look at your motivations here. Why should I 'friend' you so I can see your face.

Anyway, its rather a moot point. Just knowing you are training to become a psychologist after all of your abuse explains a lot.

Good luck in your chosen career.

Merry Christmas everyone... don't forget to put out some milk and cookies for the big guy! ;)

Dave