Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I know most people will say that I have to love myself first to be loved in return but that is easier said than done. I love myself. I like what I look like. I may be short and had to admit sometimes I wish I was taller but majority of the time I am satisfied of what I am. Most people would say that I should leave the past behind and I do but it has left me a scar. Growing up maltreated, abused, all the negativity that came my way in my childhood keeps hunting me. My own mother telling me to go away because she hates seeing my face and kids not wanting to play me because to them I look hideous; being laughed at, etc.; it has surely damaged me severely. The life scars has left me afraid to love and be loved even to simply be part of anything good. I'm tired. I am so so so tired. I'm just hanging on right now; screaming and no voice is coming out. I just don't feel that I belong to anything or to someone. Now, I just feel too ugly and worthless.
I got through those periods when I searched for what I was good at. I became a better student at college the second time around. I tried to learn new things to find out what I did well. That was my way to find confidence and reasons to move forward. Today I feel that I like my work, my hobbies, my way of understand and living life, which continues to give me something to work on and look forward to. So my suggestion is to find something you like and get good at it--work, hobby, etc., and build a strong, healthy sense of self and identity.
"Our scars Remind us that the past is real,"-- Papa Roach
Your pain and hurt are understandable. The scars that you carry may well be with you for life. But, if you can work yourself through the pain you will become a much better person for it. Then, those scars will become medals, testaments to your strength and resilience.
Not having lived your life, I can understand that how you feel. It is not easy growing up different and of course, during the odd periods of our adolescence does not make it any easier.
With what statements your mother said and her taunting which does not hold merit you are a wonderful person. You are, from your photo as very handsome individual and for the fact that you here and alive is a triumph.
There have been many different times in my life that I just was repulsed by the sight of myself. In my opinion I was not worthy of being loved, even though I possessed such love to be offered to another.
My friends always found my feelings to be strange. They told me repeatedly that I was attractive and I was very kind with a superb personality. But I was blinded by my own fears and insecurities.
I am of the opinion that you are able to overcome the adversity of your own feelings and fears. You are and will be able to rise above this period in your life. The scars that you are carry should or can be used to your advantage as well as learning how to place them in their true perspective.
Within the scars you can incorporate all of the past feelings of negativity, abuse and turning it into your new map for the future. Making and then keeping peace with you, living a better life and being healthy. Perhaps for the first time in your life.
As you move from beyond this point, you need to be easier on yourself. You have been unjustly punished enough without continuing to punish yourself. Once you start to see the real UsNavydude73 for the wonderful person that you are, you will gain the strength that lies just below the surface.
Please understand, that I know what you are capable of achieving and I wish you the best at reaching your new self and all future goals