Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Just some history. I was married for 18 years, most of it bad. I was in love initially but I was not able to be truly intimate. We have two children. My relationship with them is ok; my daughter has some resentment towards me which is another story.
Most of my life I have been attracted physically to men. I suppressed those feelings and thought I could live my life as a straight man. When I think of sex, I think of men. When I think of love and romance, I think of women. I have never slept with a man. I'm not sure I ever could. I come from a very religious background and we all know the challenges that presents. I don't think I could ever overcome the guilt if I acted upon my drive. I also know I could never come out due to my guilt and the hurt I would cause my family, especially my children.
But I am lonely and starved for love and affection. I am 55 and sometimes think I will be alone until I die. I could pursue a hetero relationship, but don't feel it would be fair to her although "performing" wouldn't be a problem. However, I don't want to live a lie.
I'm not sure what I am. Seems strange at this stage of my life. I sometimes think I am too old to make any changes and it would be better for everyone if I just lived alone the rest of my life. That is what the Church would say. And you probably all know how the Mormon Church feels about "homosexual tendencies."
So there you have it. I needed to speak to someone. Thankfully, I have this outlet and appreciate this group. I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just needed to vent. Either way, thanks for listening.
Most of my life I have been attracted physically to men. I suppressed those feelings and thought I could live my life as a straight man. When I think of sex, I think of men. When I think of love and romance, I think of women. I have never slept with a man. I'm not sure I ever could. I come from a very religious background and we all know the challenges that presents. I don't think I could ever overcome the guilt if I acted upon my drive. I also know I could never come out due to my guilt and the hurt I would cause my family, especially my children.
But I am lonely and starved for love and affection. I am 55 and sometimes think I will be alone until I die. I could pursue a hetero relationship, but don't feel it would be fair to her although "performing" wouldn't be a problem. However, I don't want to live a lie.
I'm not sure what I am. Seems strange at this stage of my life. I sometimes think I am too old to make any changes and it would be better for everyone if I just lived alone the rest of my life. That is what the Church would say. And you probably all know how the Mormon Church feels about "homosexual tendencies."
So there you have it. I needed to speak to someone. Thankfully, I have this outlet and appreciate this group. I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just needed to vent. Either way, thanks for listening.
I have not lived with the dynamic of having been married with kids though. Trying to satisfy your urges with all this going on is very difficult. Add to that the burden that your religion wrongfully places on you.
You do not need to make rash decisions. you need to find a good qualified therapist who is sensitive to gay and bisexual issues in order to work through this. It isn't going to be easy but there are a number of possible paths. Continue exactly what you are doing and risk regret later, Sneak around on the side and try to keep your sex life private and away from prying eyes, be open about it and deal with the anger and shock that you will undoubtedly encounter.....
Whatever you decide to do, therapy will help you choose which path is best and will help you deal with the consequences. Consider anti-depressants as well but be aware that many of them can have sexual side-affects.
I wish you the best. I know what regret and loneliness feels like I have lived it for many years. I had to overcome a LOT in order to start pursuing some safe sex over this past year. I just don't want to look back in old age and realize I never got what I so greatly craved.
Good luck, friend.
Thank you for listening and I hope you can find happiness soon.