Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
As humiliating as it is to dissect myself here for you, it's the first step forward. it took me the longest time to finally decide to start fixing the issues that have led to me being at this point in my life: 20, single, celibate for 2 and a half years, and dealing with mental illness.
There is nothing I long for more than true love, someone who can look past all my flaws, my past mistakes, and love me for the person that I truly am inside.
I'm on the Asperger's spectrum, and I have always had a hard time understanding people. I don't know how this romance thing works, and asking somebody out...well, the main problem here is that I'm afraid of being judged for my flaws. Depression, past mistakes I'm not proud of, all my quirks, feeling physically unattractive. It's like I want to take that step and jump in, but I'm too damn scared.
I'm out to pretty much everybody but family, and I'm pretty sure I'll never be out to my parents. I'm semi-voluntarily back home from college for a year to try and get myself together, as I was in a really bad place last school year. Depressed and contemplating suicide. Sleeping 15 hours a day. Fatigued so bad I could barely get out of bed.
So now I'm taking the obvious steps toward getting better, as I'm on medication, and I'm getting my academics straightened out, and next year I'll be back at my university. I hope that a year is enough time to at least make some progress on this. I just don't know where to start, or how to love myself. At least I've made a bit of progress-instead of wallowing in my misery, I want to do something to change it. I just don't know how. ;\
There is nothing I long for more than true love, someone who can look past all my flaws, my past mistakes, and love me for the person that I truly am inside.
I'm on the Asperger's spectrum, and I have always had a hard time understanding people. I don't know how this romance thing works, and asking somebody out...well, the main problem here is that I'm afraid of being judged for my flaws. Depression, past mistakes I'm not proud of, all my quirks, feeling physically unattractive. It's like I want to take that step and jump in, but I'm too damn scared.
I'm out to pretty much everybody but family, and I'm pretty sure I'll never be out to my parents. I'm semi-voluntarily back home from college for a year to try and get myself together, as I was in a really bad place last school year. Depressed and contemplating suicide. Sleeping 15 hours a day. Fatigued so bad I could barely get out of bed.
So now I'm taking the obvious steps toward getting better, as I'm on medication, and I'm getting my academics straightened out, and next year I'll be back at my university. I hope that a year is enough time to at least make some progress on this. I just don't know where to start, or how to love myself. At least I've made a bit of progress-instead of wallowing in my misery, I want to do something to change it. I just don't know how. ;\
I gave up when the first couple of them did not help me on my gay issues. I stayed in the closet and stayed depressed. I don't like gay hangouts so I did not make much attempt to get out and look. I just expected him to walk into my life. I'm almost 50 now and had been celibate for 25 long years because of mental hang-ups when I hit rock bottom and the pain became worse than the fear of being found out. I started looking and have had some encounters...not what I really want....I always wanted love. But, I set up all kinds of roadblocks and traps for myself down through the years to keep myself from being happy. Don't be like me.....Don't be in the painful position of feeling like you do now in another thirty years. Get the help you need from counselors QUALIFIED to deal with gay issues. If you talk to any of them and they make fun, roll their eyes, or just have no clue like they did with me, go find another one.
When you do find sex or a relationship, remember to be safe. Minimize your risk of disease as best you can.
You have lot of life ahead of you. I wish you a better one than I have had.
I agree with Later555. You can make small changes at first to improve things. Asperger's is tough to live with, but it is not impossible. You seem high functioning enough that you can learn to work with your strengths.
I wish you well.
Listen, everybody has flaws and they are nothing to be ashamed of. Don't focus on those, try to focus on the good things about you. I won't lie to you, dating is tough at any age. But with the Internet you should get yourself on a free dating site if you want to meet people. Just be upfront and honest from the beginning and you should get sincere replys. Sure, you may get people just looking for a hook up, but it's totally up to you to decide what to do. And if you become sexually active always be safe. You need to assume everyone has something and they all won't be honest about it. As one with AIDS, take my word for it, this is something you don't want to have to live with.
It sounds like you've made yourself a good plan for getting your life back on track. Stick to your goals and little by little you will get there. You just need to be patient and know everything doesn't come at once, and since you're so young you have a whole lifetime to get everything you want out of life.
There are plenty of great people here that will offer you support, you only need ask. Good luck and take care of yourself.