I think that saying you're a nice guy is a compliment and you should take it as such. I know that dating is tough and I personally hate it. I have had a very hard time finding someone to share my life with too. I just keep the faith and hope that it will come along some day but in the mean time, try to be happy. When you least expect it and when you are not looking, that's usually when it happens. best wishes!! Feel better and be happy my friend!
Paul

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but I always found it was an incomplete sentence when some people say it. It's usually "you're a nice guy but..."

I've never needed or desired attention, so I have trouble relating to what you're experiencing, but I have dated people who needed attention. Dating a nice guy is great -- dating someone who craves attention can be a real strain on a relationship though.

I firmly believe that compatibility is more important than anything -- anything else is just icing on the cake. Some of the dating sites that I've seen don't do a great job of matching people for compatibility.

Who I'm attracted to and who I am compatible with aren't always found in the same guy.

Thanks to both of you. I think I was just feeling low when I wrote that. I don't crave attention per se--that makes me sound needy, which I don't think I am. I'm fairly independent. I just feel like I'm banging my head against a wall with this dating thing and trying to figure out if maybe I could approach it differently. I guess I should be thankful for what I have and try to appreciate and build on that more. People usually tell me I'm a fairly together person, but this gay dating thing has always been the one area of my life that just feels like a completely uphill battle. Maybe it was just hormones talking ( ! ). ; )

Hormones! LOL Okay, I understand.

Dating isn't easy no matter how you look at it. Ya gotta kiss a lot of toads before you get to the real princes.

Unfortunately most gay men are selfish, conceited, shallow and self absorbed, most lack long term goals and only live for the moment (hopping from bed to bed parting, drinking and the night life) God knows I've encountered my fair share of these (I financially supported some of these losers before i wised up and saw they were only using me for a 'gravy train') the last 2 long term relationships i was in happened when i wasn't searching for it. Don't give up, if you have hobbies get out there and meet other guys with the same interest as you. Love happens when you least expect it. Good luck!

I know how u feel. I'm the nice guy too. Have lots of friends, but not the bf's. Ugghhh! I guess I can take it as a compliment, but I need to kiss some princes soon. LOL!

I would be a rich man if I had a dollar for everytime I get the "your a nice guy" line. In my experience a majority of gay guys want a "bad boy" they want to be treated like crap, used, abused it is really crazy. A majority of gay guys can't live without some drama in their lives and yes many have drug and alchohol problems, its really bad here in FTL. Im 44 nice looking but Im no model, the A list porn star looking guys seem to get whatever they want, that is never been my experience. I'm not looking for a bf but is someone comes along who is not a drugged out drama queen freak and there is mutual attraction I'd be open to it but it hard putting yourself out there again and again and being rejected cause you dont have a prison record or a drug habit... I think about 25% of gay guys have it together the other 75% are not worth your time. Learn the warning signs and run when you see them, save yourself the grief.

I happen to like the nice guy. I just don't see how being a nice guy automatically means the person should like/be into you. If that were the case, I'd probably be dating my best friend. He's the nicest guy I know and he's funny and attractive, but I just don't feel that way about him. I know it's frustrating, but I think it'll all be worth it when you find it.

Being the nice guy is not always bad, sometimes being a friend first before you actually make the initial spark leads to a longer lasting relationship and something more valuable. I would say try to meet friends and network as opposed to trying to find a lover right away. Be patient and you won't be as frustrated. It has worked for me so hopefully it works for you.

Good luck.
Andrew

I used to be called a nice guy, but that was a long time ago. :-)

I don't know what it means to be nice, now I prefer to be polite and reliable.

i think this depends on the context of when "nice" is used. it could mean, "you're a nice guy BUT..." on the other hand, it could mean, "you're a nice guy and i want to jump your bones..."

Dear juanitoc,

It is my opinion that there is no such thing as being ancient in gay standards, those who feel that way are going to have a very rude awakening when or if they reach that well seasoned age. Which then their words will come to haunt them.

I am sure that you are a nice man, loving and kind, that does not mean that you are boring or not to interesting. That means that those people who have shown iterest have some serious defects in their way of thinking. They are most likely shallow and have no idea of how to be in a real loving relationship.

The sad thing is that some of our gay brothern confuse sex and love. When sex is only an wonderful expression of love and brings two closer with fulfillment. We all, at one time or another learned that lesson, some huch harder than others, but still we mature and grow. With that comes a new understanding of the love and warth which makes you "Special" and nice.

People who do not respond beyond your reply, they are missing out on meeting and enjoying your wonderful company. Just keep being yourself, and you will find the one for you. The one who is out there right now searching for you as hard as you are searching for them.

My best to you
Jerry

What a sweet reply, Jerry48. I actually wrote that post quite a while ago and find it interesting that it still seems to be generating replies these many months later. I guess I hit some kind of nerve or something.

I agree with everything you say. It doesn't bother me to be called a nice guy anymore--I actually kind of like it. Even if people mean "boring" or something like that, it's more important to me to like myself. If I were a bastard, I don't think I would like myself very much. The older I get the more I try to see the good in people and focus on that. Being a kind, generous person feels like a much more fulfilling way to go through life. It would be cool if I could find someone else who is the same way and with whom I share a mutual attraction, but I suppose we must make the best with what we have been given.

Thanks again. jc