Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I came out when i was 16 iam 24 now my father hates the fact iam gay i suffer from depression and everyone thinks its beacuse iam gay iam in a realtionship at the moment .i find it hard to be myself around family i can only be how iam around my mates i mean come on i love being how iam i aint gonna change i just wish people would deal with that my grand dad thinks i can take a pill to get better and everyone in work hates me being there cause iam gay but they dont show it i can see it in the way they are with me it just hurts to think i cant be myself
Hope you are doing better! Cheer up you are on the right track....
I have been there before.......
i am now 40 and I have lived a great deal of my life in hiding. Hiding from my family, from my friends and from my co-workers. I was tired of living a lie and of living in the shadows. it can be very painful and very lonely. We all get to the point when we can't live this way any longer and final break down. I know you are in pain and that this is the cause of your depression. Remember that it is "good depression" meaning that you know the cause and you can do something about it. You are worried about how others see you, about why they do not accept you? this means that you are working thru it and you are awear of it. I know how bad you must feel and how others look at you the way they do. Why is it that those that hurt us the most are the one's we really love. Cheer up, you are doing what you feel is right for you. love youself and believe in yourself. Things will get better. Talk to your partner and work thru all these issues. join a support group and you will see, things will get better, you are young. there is so much to learn yet. It will take time and your family may never accept it but you will have gotton past this, you will have found peace in your life. once you pass thru al;l tis, you will never have to go there again! WOW........can you imagine that. It's like a path......after you go thru it, you will never have to worry about it again. Be good to yourself and love yourself. i am glad that you have someone by yuour side who can support and value you. Trust in him and talk to him, share your fellings and you will see that you will really do well dirung this time. you don't need there acceptance to be happy, it may help but they can not giver you hapiness. Only you can do this.
cHEERS,-
I read your story and know exactly where you are coming from. I have been in that exact same position, so always remember that you are NOT alone in the way you feel. There are hundreds of other people in the world who feel the same way you do.If your family know that you are gay...thats terrific.Now you can live your life. Concentrate on your partner and make a life with him.After all thats your future now and your happiness and thats whats important. I know that you want to be happy with your family and your partner but thats not always the case. As was with my relationship.My mother dosent accept my being gay either, she also believe that it will all fade away one day. Shes dilusional thinking that.I love her dearly and respect her so, but each time we go there now she can see that we are happy together and thats the way its going to be. We love one another so deeply we want everyone to see that. EVERYONE. I lived this living a lie story for about 25 yeras, and it wasnt worth the hassell at all. Live your life for yur partner and yourself but keep in touch with your family because they love you as well. Let me know how you get on.
Hang in there man. Maybe you should tell your family you wouldnt be as depressed if everyone just accepted you without strings attached. depression is a vicious cycle and unfortunately the people around us can feed that cycle. If your friends/family never accept you as you are than you may have to distance yourself eventualy. But as for your co workers im not sure what to say. Maybe they are picking up on the fact that your not very happy rite now and are reacting un knowingly negative. My advice is just be you and learn to like (even love) who that is. Once that happens than what other people think isnt so important. Im working on that one myself. Its a cliche and cheesy but its true. Hang in there and keep your chin up :)
another been there done that story from me so I apologize now.
when I was in high school my brother came out to my dad and you could hear him shouting all the way in the house with the windows closed. So I kept my mouth shut, my brother ended up distancing from the family and I never saw much of him. After my dad died i finally came out to my mom and she said she already knew, but before i came out to her i went through years of going through ex-gay programs because "friends" told me it could be fixed.
When I accepted myself, which you have already done and I am impressed with that because i was still fighting being gay at your age, I started not caring what other people thought but becoming true to myself. It took me awhile, but I now have friends that support me and my family is wanting to find me a good guy.
As sdlatin said be true to you and open to your partner. You have so much time ahead of you and we are all learning in this journey. Some of us will be acquaintances, some of us will be friends , and others of us will share our lives together.
Your attitude is very healthy and what you are feeling is very normal.
I hope what I wrote made sense I sometimes do not express myself as well as what I would like.
I hate to say it but this is the way of the world for most of us. Time however makes it easier for your parents and what not to come to terms with it, so just give them time, they will come around eventually. For me, I had to be willing to compromise with my family whom love me unconditionally and are pretty supportive, they do not love me being gay however, and they worry that I put myself in danger, or have a harder life because of it. the important thing to do, is to keep being yourself, there is nothing wrong with who you are as a person because of your sexuality. So be proud of yourself, and the strength you demonstrate through being comfortable in your own skin will help bring your family around. I know my family had tons of questions and concerns once they were able to get around the gay part, so be prepared. And find your own comfort zone and own boundaries with them, like myself, I never bring guys around my parents or talk about them really because that is not something I would do If I were straight even. Sex, even though my mom is one of my best friends, is not one of our favorite topics. I also do not have the need to wear my sexuality as a badge, it is an on going thing, I am actually having issues around being gay and my parents right now, but the important thing for me I guess, is that I accept them for who they are, if I want to be accepted by them, you know?
I hate to say it but this is the way of the world for most of us. Time however makes it easier for your parents and what not to come to terms with it, so just give them time, they will come around eventually. For me, I had to be willing to compromise with my family whom love me unconditionally and are pretty supportive, they do not love me being gay however, and they worry that I put myself in danger, or have a harder life because of it. the important thing to do, is to keep being yourself, there is nothing wrong with who you are as a person because of your sexuality. So be proud of yourself, and the strength you demonstrate through being comfortable in your own skin will help bring your family around. I know my family had tons of questions and concerns once they were able to get around the gay part, so be prepared. And find your own comfort zone and own boundaries with them, like myself, I never bring guys around my parents or talk about them really because that is not something I would do If I were straight even. Sex, even though my mom is one of my best friends, is not one of our favorite topics. I also do not have the need to wear my sexuality as a badge, it is an on going thing, I am actually having issues around being gay and my parents right now, but the important thing for me I guess, is that I accept them for who they are, if I want to be accepted by them, you know?