Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Hello,
A little over a month ago I moved out of the apartment that I shared with my ex. We were together a total of almost 5 years and we were living together as exes for about 13 months. It was rough. i ended up being put on medication for depression and he did as well. I had a break down after he brought a guy home while I was still living there. In the end before we moved out we made amends but being alone is what is frustrating.
We didn't talk to each other for a while since we moved but he sent me a text message asking how I was and he wanted to know when I would be allowing him to babysit my cat. (I travel and would need someone to watch her). I was very short with him when i texted him back said i hoped he was okay and told him i would let him know.
I geuss I have two issues:
1) I wonder why he texted about babysitting my cat? I mean is he lonely and he just wanted to see me? We had talked about it before but I didn't give him a date and he asked if I would need him to watch her in the immediate future.
2) How do you cope with being alone? How do you get adjusted to being alone. I have been shopping like crazy and eating like crazy. I know that isn't the answer. I just don't know how to cope. I also keep looking for sex and sleeping with guys and looking for some sort of comfort. I know that isn't the answer either. i just don't know what to do.
Can someone help???
A little over a month ago I moved out of the apartment that I shared with my ex. We were together a total of almost 5 years and we were living together as exes for about 13 months. It was rough. i ended up being put on medication for depression and he did as well. I had a break down after he brought a guy home while I was still living there. In the end before we moved out we made amends but being alone is what is frustrating.
We didn't talk to each other for a while since we moved but he sent me a text message asking how I was and he wanted to know when I would be allowing him to babysit my cat. (I travel and would need someone to watch her). I was very short with him when i texted him back said i hoped he was okay and told him i would let him know.
I geuss I have two issues:
1) I wonder why he texted about babysitting my cat? I mean is he lonely and he just wanted to see me? We had talked about it before but I didn't give him a date and he asked if I would need him to watch her in the immediate future.
2) How do you cope with being alone? How do you get adjusted to being alone. I have been shopping like crazy and eating like crazy. I know that isn't the answer. I just don't know how to cope. I also keep looking for sex and sleeping with guys and looking for some sort of comfort. I know that isn't the answer either. i just don't know what to do.
Can someone help???
I am sorry for your loss. Breakups are rough. I feel you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. You lost your ex as a partner, but still seem to have a need to keep him involved in your life. It is nice that you two are amicable, but the both of you seem to be unable to break some habits of a couple. Catsitting is not something a recent ex should do. In fact a clean break is probably just what you need right now. Don't respond to his texts and don't text him. If you must communicate say you need to focus on yourself, and you'd appreciate it if he respect that you don't want to communicate. You've mentally ended the relationship, but you don't seem to have made that leap emotionally. You will not be able to move on if you keep him involved in your life. Perhaps you two can establish a friendly rapport, but not until you've allowed yourself space from him.
I get that you are lonely and reaching for food and shopping to fill the emotional void. The solution is to not be lonely. Your emotions are probably a bit too raw to jump into the dating world, but there is no reason that you cant lean on your friends. Make yourself be social, and rediscover that you can enjoy yourself without having a boyfriend. Focus on the positives and your potential, not on what you don't have. I wager you'll discover just how empowering your independence can be.
I've also had to cope with being alone, and it's really tough. Shopping and food were my vices, too. It's best to find something more constructive though. Try spending time reconnecting with friends or concentrating on yourself. It's hard at first, but after a while you may enjoy having time to get to know yourself again. Consider it a luxury and not a burden.
My ex and I have a cat. "Ben" is now 15 years old and has lived as long as he has because he knows we both love him. It was very difficult on the cat for ages - when he saw me he didn't know how to react.
Now, 3 years later - I don't see either my ex or the cat.
I hope I'm not bringing you down we just need to get back out there and find the right person again he's out there someplace don't give up . Good Luck.
Dan
I have decided just to end all communication with my ex for the time being. I think its best for my own sanity. I'm hoping overtime i will feel better about being by myself. I feel like the novelty of it has worn off already.
Thank you again.