Hi,
Well, whether you like it or not you let yourself go there, knowing he was unobtainable. Saying you should of kept your feelings in check is redundant now. The best advice I can give you is to distance yourself from him, and if need be, tell him why you are doing so. People are pretty perceptive and he's probably caught you staring at him more than once, and might have caught on to the way you feel. Counseling or joining a local support group may greatly help you to move on away from these one sided feelings you share for someone you will never have.

In any event, this is not a healthy situation for you. I've always felt people come in and out of my life for a reason, usually to teach me something, then move on. Not every friendship you form is going to last, it's a fact of life. Maybe this guy taught you what it feels like to be in love so you will know when it's reciprocal. Be grateful for the time you spent together as friends, but it's best for you to forget him. You will find someone worth your time and love if that's what you really want. Don't torture yourself any longer.

Hello,
I can imagine that it's really hard for you because of thinking about him very often. I know what you feel, I was in similar situation. What do you think about telling your friend that you're gay? You're living now on your imaginary world. You should try it. If you don't tell him, you still won't know what to do. And you won't know if he is worth your attention. Don't hurt yourself!

Hi Tim,
I read your reply more than once and to tell you the truth i lingered on your words. To be honest, with a sinking feeling in my heart I have to accept the hard realities of life. You are right when you say some friendships don't last. I feel this friendship has no future as I cannot continue to live in this affliction.
It is going to be more harder for me than anyone can imagine, because I am hopelessly in love with him- but sooner or later I will have to try to distance myself from him.
He occasionally talks about the kind of women he wants in his life..and his marriage plans. I look at him with envy.. wanting to feel what it would feel like to be thinking about marriage and having kids and being 'normal'. I don't think I have the power to to see him get married and move on ...and away from me in his life. I will die that day.
I hope and pray that I fall out of love with him. So I can be at peace with myself...and also have the capability to see him live his life in his marriage happily. Please pray for me. For this pain is too much to bear.

Mark,
I can not tell him my actual feelings for him.. as that would ruin my friendship with him. I cannot bear to be insulted like that. If I tell him he will never understand... as he is very homophobic.
This is so dam ironic that it is ridiculous. It's like a very cruel joke.

I believe if you ask the question you already know the answer.

I am sorry for the way you are feeling, what you are going through. Please do not be hard on yourself. You apparently have a wonderful heart and you have great strength to have held your feelings in check.

You said that this is your best friend. That means that you owe him the honest truth, it will not be as painful as living the way you are currently.

Give him some credit, you are best friends which means that he may be extremely understanding and respect you more for being honest

I hope that you can get something out of this.

Jerry

Hi Jerry,
I really appreciate you taking out time to help me. I have come to a conclusion that acceptance of this extremely cruel situation is better for me. The fact that I and him can never be together and he can never love me the selfless way I love him is something I have to accept.

I love him so dearly that I can and will do whatever it takes to make him happy... even if it is to never see him again.

If this is the life God has chosen for me, then I accept it and I will live it.. and perhaps someday someone will come in my life who will love me unconditionally the way I love him.

OMG, I could have wrote that! I have fallen for my best friend a few times. Then there was the straight best friends, that new I was bisexual, and when they didn't have a girlfriend, they would let me solve their problems. So I really fell in love with them. Even though I knew there was no way anything would ever come of it.

I wish knew how to tell you to get over it. I would usually just find a way to not spend time with that guy until, he moved on to another friend, and we weren't together anymore. That was the only way I could deal with it. Of course now I did tell several of those straight guys I wanted them. But, I did it as a joke, and so by the time they realized I was serious, they had got used to joking about it, and didn't care. But, you can't do that with just any guy.

Good Luck, your going to need it.

I'm in the same situation at this very moment made slightly worse by the fact that he's my roommate. I've been trying to get up the strength to tell him he has to move out, but every time I try, I see him and stumble. He needs me as a friend, but I'll never be happy with that. It really sucks, man. I feel for you.

I've been in a similar situation of "falling in love" with a straight friend, and I know it can be very painful and confusing. I felt a lot of the same emotions you describe. Both he and I were married to women to make it even more complex for me. It became very intense and I have written over 600 pages of journal entries trying to figure it all out. It became very obsessive. I realized I probably had issues with love addictions (for which there is a lot of resources out there that can help.) I also contemplated just telling him about it all but couldn't bring myself to doing that until someone else outed me to him! I was angry at first, but then realized that this is probably what needed to happen for me to finally let my walls down and talk openly to him. It was so much more than a physical attraction; that was just one part of it. Anyway, he accepted a job somewhere else and moved away with his family. He's been gone for two years now. I still find myself thinking of him almost everyday, but the pain is so much lighter and it does not consume my life any more. I'm not sure if it would be this way if he were still around, but I know that there can be peace after falling in love with a man that you know you can't have.

This is a difficult situation, in which I found myself multiple times. I was my best friend Tony who asked me straight to the face if I was bi-sexual. I struggle but told him I was actually gay.

I believed he was the king in homophobia, but deep inside he was a generous individual.

Today we are still best friends, but you do not need to apologize for being gay. You at some point will have to be honest with him, because if he finds out elsewhere, most likely your friendship dies there.

In your head you must block your attraction to him. Seek a gay friend if you have one. Hiding in the closet to others, is actually hiding to you true self.

Value who you are, and let people follow you if they value you for your true self. It does not mean saying you are gay, but it doesn't mean laughing at homophobic jokes either.

Good luck and please let us know how you are in the coming days and weeks, and I hope all the best.

Take care and big hug,
Andy