I am a bisexual male of Kinsey scale 4-5/6. I was raised religious Muslim and you can imagine the impact of that on my life. The only way for me to have a relationship with a woman was through marriage.

When I reached 30, I experimented gay sex and short term relationship but was not comfortable. I decided to marry a woman and put my gay emotions aside. I met this woman and thought she was the right person for me. She was in her mid-late thirties. I liked her quietness, career orientation, and low demands. It was very quick but She said yes and I was happy. I did not tell her about my homosexual tendencies as it was past and didn't want to be misjudged by her. I have a good profession and after marriage I was able to offer her an a lot better living and better chances.

However, as I got to know her, she was very aloof and not engaging on personal or emotional level. I tried hard to engage her with my life and my friends and my family. She remained quiet, distant, and refused to fully relax or engage, yet she always said she loved me. On the other hand, she was very chatty with strangers and made friends easily. She always blamed me for not behaving with her in the way that would make her comfortable and I had no clue what to do. I wanted to feel a family so we can have children.

I had my struggles and I didn't feel our situation was helping. I tried talking to her many times but always failed to reach anything. Speaking of our sexual life, it went from moderate to mild to non existent at that time, which was sarcastic about. After 6 month of marriage, I told her I was not happy and wanted that we separate. She asked me to keep the marriage going "for her" as she would feel bad in front of her family, then she went away to stay with her family for a month or more.

During that month, I made a mistake- not justifying it but I was sexually and emotionally frustrated- and I met a guy. I meant for quick casual fun but we connected and got infatuated with each other. I told him I was married and can not stay in touch with him till I either fix my marriage or end it.

He contacted her and told her I was gay. She confronted me and I denied it. We spoke about our marriage and decided to give it another go.

For the next 4 month, she was even more distant. I started receiving threatening messages on my mobile about me being gay and to inform my wife and family, until She came one time and said: "I know you are gay and I know about that guy you dated. I was sending those messages becz I didn't know what to do". It was very assertive and I felt exposed and I approved and cried and offered her divorce but she declined and offered to support me as long as I stay off any gay person and gay place, which made me very happy.

For the next 9 month, she was horrible. She was passive aggressive and would use any chance to mentally manipulate me. On the other hand, I was trying hard to make the marriage work until I asked her "why you harming me?" And she said "I harm you becz you harmed me", and at that point, I decided to proceed with divorce. She didn't want divorce because "she loves me". I told her divorce is best for her so she can have a new life with a straight man who can make her happy and best for me as to try again with a different person. She approached everybody and turned my friends against me as she showed herself as the loyal victim wife in love and I am divorcing her as not want to sustain marriage responsibilities or want to have children. I was myself struggling with my situation and had no one to talk with or anyone to support me. I was already mentally shattered due to my uncertain situation and being mentally abused by her.
After the divorce was finalised, she told me that she remained in touch with that gay guy I dated and he was telling her many things about me and she had a folder in her computer about me.

It's 3 years after our divorce and I m in a happy gay relationship but I m still struggling with losing my friends with the image she showed me and the guilt of the harm I might have caused her. 

Can I have some advice/ reflections on my story? How can I let go?