Why do you guys HAVE to go together? I don't get it. Maybe the rationale behind that decision could shed some light as to what makes your partner uncomfortable, and why you'd make such an agreement in the first place?

huh? At first I didn't understand the similarity but after thinking about it, I guess it could be similar.

Why did you establish the rule in the first place? It sounds like there is a trust issue in play here. Does your partner feel he is being punished?

Actually we came up with that childish rule early in our relationship. Both of us had been deceived by previous boyfriends right before we met, so we just agreed to go to specifically gay places together. It served its purpose early on, but then it got ridiculous. Although, up until just recently, my partner had a drinking problem. One where he would say and do stupid things. He'll be sober going on six months now, so that's not an issue anymore.
Other than having an open relationship, we pretty much have complete freedom. Something he's never had the experience of with his previous relationships. So the rule is pretty much irrelevant now. The way he put it to me after he found out I was scheduled to work the church booth was; "Well now I can go the bars with my friends." He was very upset and doesn't see the difference between working a church booth at pride and spending the evening at a bar. Who knows? Maybe it's just me.

That would be an interesting church if its anything like going to a gay bar. I don't really see any similiarity at all. It almost sounds like hes looking for some excuse to go to a gay bar without you.

Thanks acceb.
He's already been once or twice to a gay bar without me. As I said, at this point I don't really care if he goes without me or not. He's the one complaining about me working the church booth at pride. I've asked him if he's afraid something will happen, but he says "no", so I don't know what the deal is. I'm 51 for cripes sakes! I don't want to feel trapped in my own relationship.
Also, our church is not like a "clothing optional" type of church. It's just your plain old run of the mill type of church that wouldn't be any different than any other.

Being 51 doesn't remove you from the dating market. I don't like the sound of being trapped in a relationship, but I understand the feeling. I've never heard of a clothing optional church, but that sounds very interesting. I am sure that exists somewhere in the world.

You are still pretty cute for a 51 yr old :) So I can see why your befriend wants to keep the schackles on ya :)

I guess it's time for some renegotiation. Like in a contract, you can look at the intentions of the parties involved and come up with some kind of amendment.

Now it sounds cute to me since it;s a rule you made when you were young(er).

That said, and in a more serious note, it might sound silly but if your partner struggles with alcohol, some things might trigger him to drink, like drastic changes in a relationship. So considering that, especially if he has strong feeling about it, have a nice loving talk with him. It's time for him to start trusting HIMSELF.

a seemingly unrelated comparison. ask him to explain his logic. i noticed that some of my friends from childhood, the ones that had/have drug/drinking problems process things differently. the reasoning is more rationalized. could be my imagination. justsaying.

"You are still pretty cute for a 51 yr old :) "
Thats why I said hes not excluded from the dating market. I realized something the other night, really the only thing that excludes anyone is there own interest or lack of it.

I have been finding things different as I get older. I am finding that everyone else is getting less attractive. I guess its declining hormone levels. I also have more need for friendship, conversation and company. I don't want to get any older...It does make things more difficult to find. But then again I feel more inclined to stay home and not bother.