Hi. I don't really know why I am writing this even but here goes

I was in a relationship with someone younger (25 to my 38) for 2 years. I always knew he had some sort of mental health issues that he admitted but he didn't really know what they were. He was usually in some dramatics with his family or his work. He talked alot about wanting to find someone to talk to.

Often when stressed out from family or work, he would try to break up with me as a way to assert some control over his life. I always worked very hard to show him how good we were together and be so supportive and positive. He always would decide that I was right and that he really did not want to break up.

I really felt like I loved him especially after the first 6 months. He would sometimes say he was worried that I liked him more than me.. and that sort of caused me to not fully allow him into my heart. My brain tells me that to really have a fulfilling relationship, you need to get the same feelings back what you are feeling and it grows further. Because he was saying those things, it caused me to be careful and not really allow too much of myself to come out.

Another thing that caused me grief in this relationship is that he admitted once to going to a gay bathhouse while we were together but that he just walked around and then left. He also had a gay hook up app installed on his phone secretly. This upset me of course and I got mad at him and he uninstalled it. I found it again on his phone another time and he uninstalled it again.

After those times, things got better and we had such nice times... like a cruise together and a gourmet picnic in the park.

Then suddenly about a week later, he decided that we had to break up again. This time I again talked him out of it... but afterwards he was unusual in that instead of being really affectionate like he was every other time, he was quite distant. I dropped him off and while I was driving home, I texted him asking if we were broken up and he said "No, it is just my low self esteem. I am sorry" . I asked why he wouldn't hold my hand or kiss and that sometimes I need someone to comfort me. Then we kind of argued and broke up. Basically I was tired of always working to keep us together when he didn't work at all.

I wrote him a very nice and gentle email that talked about things i wished I did differently and also said that I hoped he will find someone to talk to about his mental health and I even provided links of free counseling. I also stated that I hope he will go slowly into the world of dating other guys because I hope he never makes a mistake he will regret. he always wanted me to be unsafe with him but I refused because I didn't want him to get into bad habits and I also didn't entirely trust him. His email reply just said that he might go find help one day but he isn't ready for it. It was quite a cold email.

That was 2 weeks ago and since then he has told a mutual friend of ours some information that worries me alot. He does not know that me and this friend are still in contact, so he has been telling some worrisome things. IN the first 4 days after our break up, he had sex with 3 different guys. One of them he was unsafe with. and now another 10 days later, he has had sex with at least 3 more guys.

This last part is what make me worried for him.

Another thing that worries me is that despite all of these things happening and that I know he is possibly very bad for me, I miss him a lot and if he called and wanted to, I would consider taking him back. I hate that I feel kind of weak.

I don't know what to do about his unsafe practices. I think it must be related to low self esteem. What in his life is he trying to compensate for by searching for sex so much with strangers? He was probably doing it all along.

He needs to get help and I wish that someone would talk him into getting it.

Does anyone have any thoughts?