Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I know that I am the only one who can answer that question - however, I don't know why I am feeling these feelings - depression, hopelessness, and grief.
I broke up with an ex of over 9 years in the summer. We sold our house, and are on speaking terms as friends. We did not have the emotional and romantic connection for 4 out of the 9 years we were together.
I am finding it very difficult to get over the slump I am in and make positive changes. Although I have changed my diet and exercise routine to healthier states, I also feel like I am going through the coming out process all over again at battling homophobes and others who have no idea what this is like. Hope I am making sense.
Although him and I were not romantically connected, we felt that we could come to each other and help each others battles over the years, which gave us strength.
Does anyone have any advice as to a similar situation, and to what they did to covercome these feelings?
I guess I am just scared of
the unknown. I am 31 years old and pretty much all of my twenties were with him. I am a very strong willed and overall happy person, but the past few weeks have been questionable.
I broke up with an ex of over 9 years in the summer. We sold our house, and are on speaking terms as friends. We did not have the emotional and romantic connection for 4 out of the 9 years we were together.
I am finding it very difficult to get over the slump I am in and make positive changes. Although I have changed my diet and exercise routine to healthier states, I also feel like I am going through the coming out process all over again at battling homophobes and others who have no idea what this is like. Hope I am making sense.
Although him and I were not romantically connected, we felt that we could come to each other and help each others battles over the years, which gave us strength.
Does anyone have any advice as to a similar situation, and to what they did to covercome these feelings?
I guess I am just scared of
the unknown. I am 31 years old and pretty much all of my twenties were with him. I am a very strong willed and overall happy person, but the past few weeks have been questionable.
It took me about three years to completely stop missing the past. Part of it was having some new goals in my life, as I started a new job at a different place. I also had some new goals for myself that were not tied to spending my life with my ex. Also, I got into my current relationship. From my experience, a new relationship does not replace the old one by any means; they sort of go parallel, like having different friends at the same time. Gradually my relationship with my ex just "faded" more and more over time. I still talk to my ex a few times a year, and I am beginning to sense that there is indeed a difference in how I feel. I used to think more about the past of what I had, and now I can truly focus on the present and the future.
I don't know from where you draw your energy to live your day, but I would imagine that's going to define how you will heal. You mentioned you're scared of the unknown. I can empathize with that fear, but it's the very same fear that makes the present and the future doom and groom. You must find something that you enjoy doing by yourself, and find some other goals in life to go after. In my case, I worked very hard at my new job and eventually got recognized. I also started thinking I would go back to school to study what I really wanted. I tried to focus on self-discovery. I feel fortunate that I found another relationship that has been working quite well.... In the end, I have learned (and continue to do so) to try more things in life that are of interest to me, and do it for myself, not for fitting in or trying to impress other people.
Accepting the change and transitioning takes a long time. For now, I suggest changing your daily routine slightly to try new things and break the cycle, for if you don't do anything different, the mind will keep going back to the past.