Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I have recently gotten out of a relationship of about 3 1/2 years. Its been about 6 months and I have been talking to a new guy who is very nice. We met and really hit it off and had a connection. He decided we should be friends and I was fine with that since he was such a nice guy. I was okay with that. We were not intimate at all and didn't even kiss. The other day he asked me to come over and take a nap with him. I actually thought we were going to nap no kidding.
We cuddled and we held each others hands and I rubbed his back and he fell asleep in my arms. I have to say that it was very romantic. I have never felt so much intense emotion, My heart felt like it was gong to pop out of my chest. He even told me he was looking at me while I was sleeping. He told me he never felt so safe with someone. We ended up having sex but I would say very sensual sex. It was really nice but am I an idiot for catching feelings for him. I don't love him obviously but that was really a great experience. I don't know if its because I haven't been touched in months and that is why i felt this. Even after sex we cuddled.
He told me he really enjoyed it and now I feel like things are complicated since I felt such a strong emotion and I'm not sure he did. I don't want to bring it up and scare him off, but I also don't want to pretend its something that its not.
Has anyone else had problems with FWB? Does anyone have any suggestions?
We cuddled and we held each others hands and I rubbed his back and he fell asleep in my arms. I have to say that it was very romantic. I have never felt so much intense emotion, My heart felt like it was gong to pop out of my chest. He even told me he was looking at me while I was sleeping. He told me he never felt so safe with someone. We ended up having sex but I would say very sensual sex. It was really nice but am I an idiot for catching feelings for him. I don't love him obviously but that was really a great experience. I don't know if its because I haven't been touched in months and that is why i felt this. Even after sex we cuddled.
He told me he really enjoyed it and now I feel like things are complicated since I felt such a strong emotion and I'm not sure he did. I don't want to bring it up and scare him off, but I also don't want to pretend its something that its not.
Has anyone else had problems with FWB? Does anyone have any suggestions?
While reading your post, several things came to mind. You are recently out of a long term relationship for 6 months? After six months, I would say that you are not so recently single. By the six month mark, you have gone through a great deal of the grieving process and are moving on with your life.
As for the nice guy, he is sending mixed signals to you, so you have every right to be confused. By asking you to come over and take a nap with him, he instigated a furthering of your relationship with him. The thing you need to remember is that while he said that he wanted to just be friends, he is changing the rules. If he wants to be friends with bene's, you both need to agree that it is just that.. friends. When I met my husband, he and I slept in the same bed together... completely naked, and didn't have sex. We both wanted to make sure that our relationship had more of a foundation than just raging hormones.
If you are comfortable with being his FWB, then don't bring up the conflicting emotions.. but do talk to him about ground rules for keeping your relationship with him clear in both minds. If you and he are attracted to each other outside the bedroom, try working with that first. Go out with him to the movies, hiking, fishing, whatever you both enjoy doing.. and get to know each other on a more dynamic basis than based on sexual attraction.
I would probably say that some of the emotions you are feeling are at least in part because of your lack of contact with another person after an LTR of 3.5 years...so do yourself and him a favor..talk about it..set boundaries..and take it slow. Good luck