Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Hey, guys. Life is good... can't really complain... Just thought I'd throw something out there to ponder.
Before I decided to come out "for good," I was plagued by interpersonal conflict related to my sexual orientation. Gay guys realized I was gay and seemed to resent the fact that I was trying to live life with one foot still in the closet. And straight guys appeared to be overly cautious about getting too close to a guy without a woman in his life because most of them had at least one negative experience in their past with a gay guy wanting more from them than just friendship.
I thought that my interpersonal struggles would be over once I came out and established my presence in the gay community as "definitely gay," and, to tell you the truth, personal relations have gotten better since I stopped trying to pretend. But there are times that I find myself thinking that some of the gay men in my life are more unyielding in their application of "gay" stereotypes to other gay men than straight guys are. They just don't seem to be able to "get it" when I object to the "hey gurl" attitude, and usually come back with something like, "Well, you don't have to be such a bitch about it."
I realize, of course, that I can't expect every other gay man to want to be just like me any more than they can expect me to want to be just like them. We're all different... all unique... each of us with our own histories of trials and struggles that have made us who we are. So, the bottom line is that our search for tolerance and acceptance by others in our day to day reality doesn't end when we step into a gay existence with both feet. But we do have the benefit of responding to others from the vantage point of "the man that I am" rather than "the man that I have to pretend to be for others to like me."
Take care,
Grady
Before I decided to come out "for good," I was plagued by interpersonal conflict related to my sexual orientation. Gay guys realized I was gay and seemed to resent the fact that I was trying to live life with one foot still in the closet. And straight guys appeared to be overly cautious about getting too close to a guy without a woman in his life because most of them had at least one negative experience in their past with a gay guy wanting more from them than just friendship.
I thought that my interpersonal struggles would be over once I came out and established my presence in the gay community as "definitely gay," and, to tell you the truth, personal relations have gotten better since I stopped trying to pretend. But there are times that I find myself thinking that some of the gay men in my life are more unyielding in their application of "gay" stereotypes to other gay men than straight guys are. They just don't seem to be able to "get it" when I object to the "hey gurl" attitude, and usually come back with something like, "Well, you don't have to be such a bitch about it."
I realize, of course, that I can't expect every other gay man to want to be just like me any more than they can expect me to want to be just like them. We're all different... all unique... each of us with our own histories of trials and struggles that have made us who we are. So, the bottom line is that our search for tolerance and acceptance by others in our day to day reality doesn't end when we step into a gay existence with both feet. But we do have the benefit of responding to others from the vantage point of "the man that I am" rather than "the man that I have to pretend to be for others to like me."
Take care,
Grady
Some gay men act certain way and that's fine with me, but then they seem to see those who don't as "attitude" or "closet case" or I don't know what. I have gotten attitude from so many gay men just because I am 100% gay but don't need to have that "hey gurl" attitude.
I don't call myself or anyone "bitch" or "girl" or "gurl" or "slut" or "whore". I don;t have a problem with people who like being called that, but I personally don't mix well with people with those attitudes.
I think that many of them feel judged, or maybe being silent around it triggers some of their past rejections and traumas. Either way it's their problem, not mine.
Gay is just a sexual orientation, and I don't let homophobic heterosexuals to stereotype me. Well, guess what? I'm not going to allow gay men to do that either.
I was reading a research article the other day that gave statistics on the number of gay men who reported having no "cross-gender" tendencies. It came as no surprise to me that the percentage was relatively small, meaning that we are a minority among the LGBT minority.
Anyway, thanks again for responding. It will be interesting to see how many other gay men in this group have similar feelings.
Take care, my friend,
Grady
Thanks for that piece of info.