Gay Men's Challenges Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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andy2011 02/22/2011

I have always had straigfht friend. I have never had a gay friend. I have a crush on one of my best friends. The one that is helping me come out. He is recently married and so straight.

He asked me a couple of nights if I had a crush on him. I told him I was clear on him being straight and that I knew he was off limits.

He gave me a big smile, looked up and said ok. Then he looked at me and said, "but you did not say'. He smiled again ans said it was ok. And you know what I almost said yes.

It was like being on a rollercoaster. It was interesting. Any ideas should he ask again?

L8bloomer 02/22/2011

Personally, I would not say but can find no harm in you being truthful. You said your peace when you were asked. Your hesitation and not directly answering gave him the answer without you saying it. You might still want the truth of the situation to be different (crushes are like that). Keep your friendship intact. Pursuing straight men only leads to heartbreak. Admire them from afar and move on.

andy2011 02/22/2011

Thanks man! I respect him as much as I like him.

This friend probably saved my life. When I was drwoning in worries, denial and depression, he approached and candidly asked me in a party if I was Bisexual. He said he knew a long time ago. He said to come out, but that I needed to be sure and careful of what I did and who I involved.

This was before he asked me if I had a crush on him.

You have to understand why I love this guy. We see each other every single day.

I aleays love the wrong people. LOL

L8bloomer 02/22/2011

It's ok to continue to love...Love is pretty big and takes on lots of forms.

deleted_user 02/22/2011

Interestingly enough when a friend becomes a "best" friend, i view him like a brother, and any sexual thoughts just greatly diminish. It's almost like the incestual no-no warning comes on since my best friends are like my brothers.

I think its risky being too honest with a straight best friend since it can really change the dynamics of the friendship.

andy2011 02/22/2011

Sotired.... you know too much. Thanks. I agree 100%. Thanks.

deleted_user 02/23/2011

Well, I've been in your possition a bunch of times. Obviously, I can't be sure, but from what it sounds like, telling him the truth will probobly make things easier between the two of you. It sounds like he already expects your answer to be yes, and if you were to admitt it, he would probobly just tell you something along the lines of how flattered he is and that he doesn't feel the same way. Perhaps if you let out this secret, it will allow you to move on and accept your friendship with him as what it really is. Thus, bringing the two of you even closer as friends.

andy2011 02/23/2011

Thanks for your great advice. I will do so. We hang out everyday. We had a great time last night. His wife is out of town. He will be moving to Spain next month. His wife is from there.

Last night I told him that he was my #1 guy, but I did not tell him I have a crush on him.

I am sure he will ask again. It seems he wants to tell me something, but he is hesitant.

deleted_user 02/23/2011

Well, just try not to get any hopes up. It might not be what you think, and if it isn't, just thinking about it might send him an uncomfortable vibe. Just keep things casual and try to relax. It sounds like he is a really good friend, and they aren't easy to come by in life. Best of luck : )

deleted_user 02/24/2011

I have to wonder why he keeps asking you, and why.

tim2218 02/24/2011

I'm with Discus on this one. He seems a little "overly curious" and if he asks again, I'd ask HIM why he keeps pressing the issue..?

andy2011 02/24/2011

Good point. Thanks for your comment. I may very well ask.

deleted_user 02/25/2011

Be careful, you must believe that your friendship is most important there fore Be careful choose your words carefully, be cautious of what you say. you may push him away if you advance to strongly. keep it a casual and everyday type conversation if the subject does come up.

andy2011 02/25/2011

rytwnjim - you are exactly right! We are best freinds for over 6 years now. We are true brothers. Talking to him will be more cautious and brotherly than my own brother. I will not screw this up, specially knowing that he will be leaving in 2 weeks to Spain to meet up with his wife. Thanks friend!

deleted_user 02/27/2011

Generally, I make a rule not to have sex with close friends as there's a risk of complicating the relationship or even of wrecking it.

I did have sex with a close friend once when I was in my early 20s and we both enjoyed itm (a lot LOL), although he only ever had sex with girls before and after that.

But it has to be your call.

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