Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Anyone else ever come across this? I don't know if they're doing it consciously. But it seems like there's this unspoken thing where they look at you in a rather intimate way even if it's just to say hello. It's almost as if all the normal social activities around one recede into the background, and for one moment there's this still center between you and this other person and the subtext is "Yeah, I am too." It's kind of sweet. Or else there's this sort of grudging thing on their behalf as if they're struggling to come to terms with it--they kind of look like they have indigestion of the spirit, as it were. They want to reach out to you, but they're not sure how to do it or perhaps feel guilty about these stolen, illicit moments. I seem to come across quite a few of these tormented souls. And then they put on the social face again and disappear into the crowd. Life is full of those kind of moments of unspoken communication. Part of the beauty and mystery of existence, I think. (Excuse me as I wax philosophical.)
LoveMeBetter
Awe. Yeah. I know "That Guy" - he was once me, and in many ways still is.... when I am being more vulnerable. I don't think it is a closeted thing as much as it is an insecurity thing. Not to say one should ONLY scream out "whoa hey sexy!" once they are out, I think that there is something very intimate about those "moments" I think it shows there is more connection than simple "lust" or "longing". Maybe the guy is already out, and is more comfortable being a bit more subtle about his sexuality. I don't think it is always a necessity to be "out" and "loud" about things. I've found in my own experience, it takes away from that special feeling and makes a mockery of connection. I think there's a fine line between "out and proud" and "out and secure". I know, that when it actually comes to liking men, I am still VERY much that guy you describe, its just I have to put on a much stronger front in order to let him think I am not terrified to be vulnerable. So I think those types of guys are truly special and unique and I think underneath it all, we all have that guy in us somewhere.
LoveMeBetter
Actually, your post brings a lot to mind. I am INDEED still very much that guy and have often wondered why I ever felt it was needed to "push" the whole damn thing in public - I know for me personally, it made me feel less of a man and more of an "entity" than anything else. Confidence is interesting . . . and in terms of how we perceive being "proud", I think it is important at the end of the day to remember that shy person and let him know its OK to be shy sometimes. I've just spent MANY years covering him up.
juanitoc
What dear, sweet replies. I don't like overbearing out, loud, and proud guys either. I prefer the shy ones. I think everyone's terrified of being vulnerable; it's just that some people are more successful at covering up with lots of bravado. Just be yourself. If you're as cute in person as your profile photo is, I'm sure there are TONS of guys who'd want to be with you.
LoveMeBetter
Awe :) you are sweet., your compliment made my day :). Being vulnerable is tough for sure and its difficult to not put up a damn front. I always thought being the vulnerable guy left me out of the game but I am starting to believe that it could put us all on the front line if we remain ourselves, do not compromise and remember our true selves, the man within (not to be covered by the insecure "gay boy" who is so popular in our culture).
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