Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now. At first I felt I was getting something positive out of it. But in the past few months I've been feeling like I'm just spinning my wheels. I've said all I've had to say. I don't feel like my therapist is able to tell me anything I don't already know. She doesn't seem to do very well on follow-through either. She's a nice older woman who specializes in gay clientele, so she understands a lot of the issues, but I feel like our sessions have degenerated to venting and checking in. I feel like I need to take a break.
Here's the problem: I tried to tell her once before that I didn't feel I needed to see her every two weeks as I had been before, and she got noticeably irritated. I don't know why. Maybe she depends on the income. Or maybe she has abandonment issues.
Anyway, has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you gently broach the issue of terminating therapy? I don't want to just flake out and stop going or make an appt. then cancel it later and never call back. I feel I owe her face-to-face closure, but I'm a bit nervous about how it will go.
Here's the problem: I tried to tell her once before that I didn't feel I needed to see her every two weeks as I had been before, and she got noticeably irritated. I don't know why. Maybe she depends on the income. Or maybe she has abandonment issues.
Anyway, has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you gently broach the issue of terminating therapy? I don't want to just flake out and stop going or make an appt. then cancel it later and never call back. I feel I owe her face-to-face closure, but I'm a bit nervous about how it will go.
I don't have similar experience, but as an outsider, I feel like this is a professional relationship, not a personal one. If you feel that your sessions are not working in a way you like, you have to take control of the situation and tell her that. If she got irritated with you again, I actually would argue she, as a professional therapist, should have the client's best interest in mind and should not act negatively in front of you. Perhaps acknowledge you're somewhat uncomfortable about the subject, but since she's your therapist, I hope that she will listen to how you feel and let you make the choice. Then you will have to sort out your own feelings: you need to know that it's okay for you to do this with her (i.e., not do this "to her") and start another new phase without her.
Therapy isn't just about the therapist telling you information. It's a chance to work on so many issues, learn new coping skills, develop new relationships, etc.
Very few people that I talk to actually set personal goals in therapy to get a really good bang for the money they lay down for a decent therapist.
Try setting a goal for the next 2 to 4 visits and if you don't get anything out of it, maybe you do have the wrong therapist. Coworkers, family, friends, partners, there is so much that happens in daily life that we can use towards personal growth.
Having had a fear of public speaking, it is one of the things that I tackled in therapy years ago. In recent years, I can now stand up and give an unrehearsed presentation in front of a few hundred people. it takes time, but setting that goal was well worth it.