Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
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I spent a long time depriving my sexuality and took a 2 year (roughly) hiatus from sex/seeing men.
I finally gave in and had sex with a married man that kept contacting me on a gay hookup site. I did have ethical concerns about him being a married man and all...but I was so desperate and lonely I did it anyway.
During our first meeting he asked me if I wanted to meet again and I said yes. I said that I would keep seeing him because it was really good sex...
However, recently I hooked up with him again and he crossed the line with me. I told him that if we were to have anal sex, he would have to wear a condom. I told him this from the beginning. And he agreed.
The second time I tried putting the condom on me and he completely lost his hard on...so I decided to just do other things that were safe with him.
However, one thing lead to another and he ended up inside me unprotected. I felt uncomfortable with it and everything...but he kept saying things like: "Ohhh it feels so good." .... So I figured a little while unprotected would be OK. He then asked me if he could cum inside of me. I didn't say no but I said his name in a concerned way ....And my body language was uncomfortable when he said it....
So he did cum inside me without a condom and it completely killed my mood. Because I don't like how risky that is. I was mad at him and myself for not clearly saying "NO" when he asked if he could cum inside of me.
Also....he did not really do that much to please me during this meeting. It was all about him and he did not do half the things he did sexually to me the first time. This makes me feel as though he only really cares about pleasing himself and not me.
Also, the ethical dilemma of seeing a married man is getting to me.
He keeps texting me/messaging me asking me what is up. I told him that we will need to talk later...
How should I go about telling him that I don't want to see him anymore? I don't plan on telling him in person, as he lives an hour away and the only purpose for our meetings are sex. If we meet he might have a reason to believe that we might hook up again.
Any advice is appreciated.
I finally gave in and had sex with a married man that kept contacting me on a gay hookup site. I did have ethical concerns about him being a married man and all...but I was so desperate and lonely I did it anyway.
During our first meeting he asked me if I wanted to meet again and I said yes. I said that I would keep seeing him because it was really good sex...
However, recently I hooked up with him again and he crossed the line with me. I told him that if we were to have anal sex, he would have to wear a condom. I told him this from the beginning. And he agreed.
The second time I tried putting the condom on me and he completely lost his hard on...so I decided to just do other things that were safe with him.
However, one thing lead to another and he ended up inside me unprotected. I felt uncomfortable with it and everything...but he kept saying things like: "Ohhh it feels so good." .... So I figured a little while unprotected would be OK. He then asked me if he could cum inside of me. I didn't say no but I said his name in a concerned way ....And my body language was uncomfortable when he said it....
So he did cum inside me without a condom and it completely killed my mood. Because I don't like how risky that is. I was mad at him and myself for not clearly saying "NO" when he asked if he could cum inside of me.
Also....he did not really do that much to please me during this meeting. It was all about him and he did not do half the things he did sexually to me the first time. This makes me feel as though he only really cares about pleasing himself and not me.
Also, the ethical dilemma of seeing a married man is getting to me.
He keeps texting me/messaging me asking me what is up. I told him that we will need to talk later...
How should I go about telling him that I don't want to see him anymore? I don't plan on telling him in person, as he lives an hour away and the only purpose for our meetings are sex. If we meet he might have a reason to believe that we might hook up again.
Any advice is appreciated.
I don't think it will come as a surprise to you that you are being used. This man is a sexually repressed individual who uses you as an outlet.
The simple fact that he is uncomfortably selfish in bed should indicate this. If he cannot muster the effort to please you, well that should say it all. I know the relationship was purely sexual, but acknowledgment that you are a person with needs would have been nice.
Now for the important part. Please get yourself tested right away. The unprotected sex was no accident. This man seems to be an old hat at this game. He knew just what to do to accomplish his goal. He obviously has no regard for your health. Also, if he is already cheating on his wife, i doubt you are the only one, which puts you at risk. So yes, get tested.
Finally, I agree, you should break it off. You owe nothing to this man, so try to remember that when breaking it off. You can tell him that you've found someone else, or are over the whole arrangement. You are not in a relationship after all. If he continues to contact you then you can block his number. I do not see any good that can come from this arrangement with him.
In the future, especially if it is a hookup, PLAY SAFE! You always have the final say about your own body, never let someone else try to convince you otherwise.
All the best,
Steve
So you're not alone and the only one going through that. It really is a challenge to think with the right head.
That goes to the core of the down side of having casual sex; you really really have to take care of yourself. You're not with a person who cares about you. So it's just you. You are in full charge and it's your own responsibility to make sure that you enjoy the sexual experience and feel comfortable since the other person may or may not give a crap about the other person.
What we tell people where we work is, I'm very happy that you are talking about this and increasing awareness to yourself and others. This goes to the core of what is making HIV and other STIs remain on the raise.
Forgive yourself for allowing yourself in this situation.
I'd strongly suggest to either have a serious talk with this guy if there's going to be a next time, or stay away from him if you don't think there should be a next time.
Learn from this. When you have a casual encounter, it's just you. The other partner might be considered, but there's no guarantee of that.
Easier said than done, but please, keep sharing about this. You will be surprised of how many people out there you are helping by sharing this. You will be surprised to know that this is the number one factor in new HIV and other STD cases.
Big hug.
Now, I can't help but noticing something. Why on Earth do you deprive yourself of any sexual act and then have an account in a sex hookup site?
Talk to your head doctor or call an HIV specialist about treatment.
Joe: thank you for getting right to the point. I was being used....thank you for reminding me of my self worth too.
Hippo: Thank you very much. Thank you for the advice about my situation and also for casual sex. I NEED to play it safe if I choose to partake in it. Thank you for showing me the importance of this.
Just so you all know, I messaged him that it's over. It really doesn't matter what he says or tries to do to get back with me....because I am worth more than him. I am worth someone that respects me and plays safe. Thank you both for reminding me of my own self worth.
This guy cares nothing for you or your health. You have no idea who is sleeping with, how many partners he has had and who they slept with. He won't be there if you get sick.
Please, love yourself. Do things that make you better. Seek some therapy, get involved in activities you like and seek good friends who care about you too. Get involved with any Gay Groups you have in your town.
Let me be the first one to say, "I care about you." You are too good to be used like this. Your health is important. Never let any man take away your health or life.