Hey there ... I haven't logged in here for a long time (came for another reason), and your message was the first I see ... so I see that as providential and feel compelled to respond. I grew up in the Boston area, but now live in SW Florida. I'm also much older than you ... let me off you two suggestions. First, get connected to other gay men (and women) who are out and living their lives. Boston has a huge LGBT population and I'm sure -- depending on what your daily life looks like -- you nteract with some gay people every day. The second suggestion is to really take a look at that "hard time" you're having accepting yourself. I suspect you have this idea that a "very masculine" man can't be gay. Trust me, the vast, vast majority of gay men I know present as very typical, "normal" men. It may be helpful even to talk with a therapist, but just getting out and expanding your worldview and your understanding of what "being a man" is can do wonders. .... It saddens me to read you think you are "wasting away" your life, so if there's any encouragement or support, I can offer, please don't hesitate to reach out (FYI ... tried to message you, but your account is private, but feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like).

Hello 67 year old homosexual here. It takes a long time to undo all the damage done in regards to acceptance of your sexuality. Maybe seek out some counselling, physiotherapist if you are having a difficult time.
I would like to add that in my opinion, there is being homosexual and then there is being gay which to me seems to be the cultural extension of homosexuality. I found that it took me a while to accept my sexuality, I am completely out and same sex married. That being said I do not partake of a gay lifestyle, which to me means going to bars, clubs, etc. Our circle of friends are from all walks of life, not just gay. Good luck with it all! Love yourself ♥

Hi! I really like what Anthony99 said. I have been through conversion therapy 2x and my dad is literally a bronc riding cowboy. So I think I understand a bit about internalized homophobia. TBH, I'm still learning ways that I harbor it, and I'm 34. But like what Anthony said, it's a long process, and the best way to find your identity is to express what you feel, with people you can feel safe around. I know I definitely don't always, but we are all works in progress. There is a lot of rhetoric about masculinity being a toxic construct, but I think that's because it's been used as a veil to hide from what people fear and feel. If you really a macho bro, that's great! But if you don't feel that's really who you are, don't be afraid to explore and take baby steps toward something more authentic! Masc, Fem, non-binary, whatever. While sexuality is linked to gender, it isn't necessarily the same. While not very masculine, I'm a guy who can usually "Pass", which has often had more negative effects for me than positive, and prolonged my own self-acceptance because I believed I could suppress who I am and hid from myself for a very long time. But coming out, and letting myself express honestly with people I can trust has helped a lot. Whoever your friends are, there will always be a lot of opinions about who you are, both good in bad, in every circle. Just find the voices that help, not hurt you.

Sleepy dude, reach out my husband and I are from MA also and open to new friends.

dont beat yourself up, enjoy who you are rather than letting it tale control of you , just try and be happy and say this is me and go with the flow, you can have fun and laughter no matter who you are, xx always here to chat if you need someone xx

be happy who you are, your not going to change it, there is no pill to make you straight hehe. i also come accross as very straight looking, i hate mincing queens and thats my opinion before they all start coming out of the woodwork, everyone has a preference and mine is straight looking, everyone is different

I've struggled with these exact same feelings and issues for many years now I'm 46. All of you, feel free to friend request me if you like. Therapy does help quite a bit if you can find a therapist who truly understands and cares.