Gay Men's Challenges Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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Why me?

andy2011
andy2011
I look at the mirror and try to understand where everything went wrong. Why me? Why of my entire family and friends I had to be the one to be gay? So many happy hetero couples, getting married and having kids... and I the biggest loser to the eyes of everyone.

I have very high spirits and I just can't get it out of my head. I cry almost every day I think about it and I don't understand why I have to have it so hard.

Sometimes the pain is so much that I yet don't understand why I did not come out decades ago. At least I would have paired and been happy for many years.

I am no longer afraid to come out. What I am afarid is to keep hiding becuase of the ignorance of others.

I barely have savings. That is my only problem now. Being able to pay student loans and credit card bills. I know I will be fired for whatever reason once I come out. It kills me that we are so misregarded, especially after all we have to go through.

All I knwo is that I am ready to start from zero and be alone. I am not willing to be hiding in the dark. I do not want to be a "party watcher" anymore.

I am 90% of the time very happy and positive. So please excuse me for this minute of pain.

Peace out!
deleted_user
deleted_user
andy, slap ur self across the face for me, look, u talk like ur diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. ur gay, its not that bad, once u find an awesome guy to share ur life with u will be thrilled that ur gay! trust me. i know how u feel, but once u accept who u are, and love urself it wont be such a big deal.
besides, i dont know where ur from, but really, how many happily married st8 couples do u know, 1 or 2? the rest are doing time!
its a prison sentence, women are fu ing insane. be glad u drew the short straw, u'll probably live longer, and happier!
deleted_user
deleted_user
and, if its painful, why do u keep waiting? u also don't have to come out at work, theres no use jepardizing ur job. its not as scary as u think it is, u r making it seem mountainous, just come out to a few people u are sure wont care, then go from there. u'lll be a lot happier
andy2011
andy2011
I m more sorry for not coming out earlier. I am actaully proud for being who I am, I am gay and I like being gay. I just need some love back. Thanks!
andy2011
andy2011
I am out to my 3 best freinds (straight and males). Two of the three are supportive. The third is in radical denial. LOL. I am flattered by his denial. Taking me to psychiatrist and giving me dvds.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"andy, slap ur self across the face for me, look, u talk like ur diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. ur gay" LOL hahaha any way I just want to say that I feel the same way. I asked myself why I am gay. But different than you I continually meeting rude and disrespectful gay people over and over again. there are nice one out there so i don't give up hope. You have to learn to accept your sexuality. I am working on mine and it gets better every day. Party is fun and all but doesn't mean it is healthy for you. Are you spiritual in any way? that doesn't mean religious. Find the support you need and find some dates. I work as a hospital for part time. I see many people in horrible pain and situation. Try to find things to do in life beside sit there and drive your self crazy with your thoughts. The moment when you accept life is very hard and difficult, it is the key to decrease your pain. Try to volunteer and help people around you, it also help your find self value.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i understand what your going through mate, im in the same boat, its easy for people to say get a grip when they dont have the same unaccepting people around them the kind of people who will just dissown you because of who you are the people you love more than anything but if they knew the truth they would just feel sick every time they looked at you, i swear i just want to die but dont have the bottle for that either dont no what am going to do but i better do somthing couse its just going to get even worse
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hear you my friend Andy,
Went thru the same thing when I came out a few years ago to my family and friends,it was hard for a while
I was in my middle 40s when I did..
Thought my family would disown me,but it all worked out in the end.
Miss not having kids, but I got over it after a while......
Just take care of you first and it will be OK...
Im proud to be Gay,Im the same person I always was and will be
Peace my friend
deleted_user
deleted_user
"So many happy hetero couples, getting married and having kids... and I the biggest loser to the eyes of everyone. "

Because you're gay? Doubt it. Straight people are unhappy, straight people commit suicide, divorce, have to deal with child support, custody, domestic violence issues, in summary, what i call a cookie-cutter life.

Success in life by anyone as a person is a result of perception and motivation. If you think that your sexual orientation makes you not save enough money, dude you're crazy. Separate what truly relates to your sexual orientation and what doesn't.

There are many many many successful and happy gay people out there. Do we have to fight harder socially? Absolutely, but I don't think for a second that life becomes nirvana if I could change my sexual orientation.
andy2011
andy2011
Thanks guys. You all rock!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Andy,
You said "I am flattered by his denial. Taking me to psychiatrist and giving me dvds."

What type of DVDs? I wouldn't find anyone taking me to a psychiatrist flattering unless I requested a ride or a referal. That is so personal, and hopefully a self directed thing. I thought that type of thing was also so outdated. I sexual orientation isn't in the manual anymore.
andy2011
andy2011
He is a lifelong friend. He could have just turned his back on me. Instead he asked if I have had gay sex yet and I said know. So he wanted to see if I give it a shot at spending a weekend with a female prostitue, see a psychiatrist who would challenge my feelings of attraction to men and some videos on sexuality. I accepted this from him, but never from others. Those that are with must must accept me for who I am.
Thanks for your comment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I suppose thats better than complete and immediate rejection. I certainly would like to see your friend accept you more however.

My favorite is having a very straight male friend who doesn't care at all about me being gay. I finally found that type of friend, it was the best. He was never distant, and actually wouldn't have minded if I found him attractive or not. That was my ultimate fantasy to have a strait friend to just be one of the guys with.
andy2011
andy2011
That is great indeed. You and I both know. Yay!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My first post. Would love to have anybody's thoughts on my dilemna. Am gay and middle-aged. But married. And even though the marriage has been hard recently , since I came out to my wife several weeks ago we seem very close. And have children who i really dont want to leave. So I am torn between the life now which I enjoy, and the life that could me. Because when I think about this life, the one I have now, I feel a big empty hole. And yet if I choose the other gay life, will I not have a hole too with my family torn away from me? And what is this hole exactly? Is it just sexual attraction or something deeper. I am just too inexperienced to understand. I will need to make a decision soon, or loose my mind, and need to ensure it is the right one. Perhaps it is a mid life crisis.