does your mom know that? well, darling here i am and count on me ill stand by you every single moment and i know many other people on thsi site well do to, im sorry about your lost, and i know after loosing someone you love you kind of dont feel like living anymore, let me help you, let people help you, cry if you want to, liberate yourself, something hard for us LGBTs is that even sometimes we can be out of the closet but we still feel opressed, so tell your feelings, also i would recommend to do something about your moms bf, sorry but ill be brutally honest here, i would be planning a way out of that house , knives can be dangerous, talk to someone you trust about your feelings, that is reallly helping i really recommend that, and if you are kind of lonely and really you dont trust anybody at this moment well here i am, and i promise ill do whatever you need to see you smile and save again

I'm here for you. Sweetie please don't end you're life. it may seem like a good idea now but trust me, suicide is not the answer. You're going to do some pretty amazing things in this lifetime of yours. I know it. Please talk to someone about your feeling. Weather its a friend, family member, or just someone you trust it doesn't matter. maybe even think about getting yourself a counselor to talk to. its really helped me through a lot. But don't keep your feeling to yourself. they need to be let out. one of the worst possible things you can do is keep those to yourself, especially when you're feeling this bad. those feelings could destroy you if you don't talk to someone. also, I know how devastating it can be to lose someone you love so much, but you can get through this. Your fiance would have wanted you to get through this and keep living your life. its not going to be easy, lets be real. but you CAN get through this. And about your moms new boyfriend, you need to get yourself out of the house as soon as you possibly can. maybe you can go live with a friend or another family member until you can get your own pace. Id personally report this behavior to the police because that's not okay. On the topic of your mother taking his side, I can understand how terrible that is. but that may not be about you personally. her bf is obviously very emotionally unstable and the relationship seems to be domestically violent. he may be breaking her down to the point where she believes only what he says and is always only on his side no matter what. she may not be able to think for herself at the moment is what im saying. that would be a good thing to talk to a professional about once you're safe. listen, I know life sucks at the moment, but please don't give up. it may be stormy now but it wont rain forever. life WILL get better if you stay I promise. you have people who care about you and are here for you. id hate to see you give up at this point in your journey. you have so much more to see and do before your time ends.

First you need to find a safe place to stay, maybe with a friend or a relative who supports you and accepts you. First and foremost you need to protect yourself.
1-800-273-8255--> national suicide prevention hotline
775-784-8090--> Crisis hotline (I contacted crisis when I first came out and was feeling suicidal and they were excellent).

And I'm sorry for your fiance, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me. Don't end it, for your sake.