ay! So today...

A girl from my dance team came up to me and another girl were friends with in the hall and tells me that she heard a rumor that I was gay... our friend kinda covers for me because she knows but I get really nervous, I said, no... I'm not gay, it's a rumor an ex boyfriend started which that much is true but the ex did it cause he is a douche and knew it would hurt certain people, including me.

Anyway, were like nooo shes not gay, im not gay whatever but later after tennis practice I ask my friend how the girl that asked would take it if I told her, and she said that she felt the same way about it as she did which kind of made me think, wait... I thought you supported me? So I asked her what she meant and then some how I just started feeling bad. I said to her "I would change it if I could" which after I said it I knew it came out wrong, I had meant that I would please everyone if I could which is true. I wish I could please everyone, I would be straight for them if I could but I cant and I want to please myself too ya know?

So then I'm dropping this girl off after practice and she's all like "you can change it" and I'm just like urm... not, I really can't and she compares it to a movie she let me borrow called "To Save a Life" AMAZING movie by the way and she says if they can change then so can you but those kids are suicidal, cutting, having sex and getting pregnant, their picking on other people and judging them.

Is that not what shes doing to me? Judging me? Granted I cut and I'm often suicidal but for gods sake is liking the same sex really that much of a problem? She has never put pressure on me in the past and she's always tried her best to support me despite her religion but... I don't know. It bothers me and I'm not sure what to do.

I'm not religious, I used to be but after my entire everything started crashing I just fell away from it and I don't understand it anymore, and especially that she thinks she can 'cure' me? I don't know... I'm just so confused..