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You know my faithful fans, that once the college kids return on the 16th I am not going to have the time to let my mind wander nightly for your entertainment. Someone else might have to step up and ramble on endlessly. :)
So my story for tonight.......
I have a Tim Mcgraw album. Not sure of the title, but it is one with Live like you were dying. Which that song in itself should treach us a valuable lesson, but I am here to visit another musical dialogue.
There is another song on the album, not sure of its name, but if you heard it you would know. The first time I heard this song I was astonished that they would produce a song like this and make it public. I know there is some horrific song lyrics out there, just not usually on my country albums. The words that stood out to me were " I am going to kill myself" I was shocked! Seriously singing about suicide?! I went for a long time where I skipped this song ccompletely, I couldn't bear to listen. Well one day for some reason I did not skip and found myself listening word for word, and I found there was an interesting lesson buried in there. A lesson that I really took to heart as I approached my journey. The songwriter talks about finishing off projects left undone, and cleaning the house and basically getting his affairs in order before he kills himself. Well yes this is still shocking, but the writer talks about how he has messed up his life with his poor choices, in this case heavy drinking. Then it talks about him seeing the old "him" sitting there. Ok so he did not kill his physical self, but rather his mental self. He made the coice to give up his poor habits and recreate himself with new and better life choices.
So as I am approaching my sugery date, I realize that I can connect with this train of thought. I was totally prepared to kill the old me, the obese, sad, moody, and just plain miserable me, and wake up to a new me. After I was "dead", I could bring out the me that sees each day as an adventure. I will never again be the person that avoids going to the party because I hated the thought of habing to work my way through a crowd, never again be terrified of a chair, or being seated in a booth. The new me can dance in the rain so to speak. I can take dance lessons without feeling like a fool. (Well ok maybe still foolish but only because I can't dance worth poop) I can ride my horses again. I can work with my dogs. I can kayak with my boys, I can hike wiout dying. Well you get the point.
So I prepared myself, I made sure my affairs were in order and everything that related to the old fat me was closed, canceled or otherwise discarded. And then I began my journey. I went to the hospital, let them give me my "fatal" injection, and when I woke up, I was the new, stronger version. Now there are times when little snapshots of the "dead" flash through, but I let the memory linger briefly and then I store it away with all the other old memories. The memory of the dead me will always be there, but like with all death, she can't come back and live again, she is gone forever.
I hope I was not to dark for you all tonight. Watching horror flicks and they just tend to make your mind go there.
:)
So my story for tonight.......
I have a Tim Mcgraw album. Not sure of the title, but it is one with Live like you were dying. Which that song in itself should treach us a valuable lesson, but I am here to visit another musical dialogue.
There is another song on the album, not sure of its name, but if you heard it you would know. The first time I heard this song I was astonished that they would produce a song like this and make it public. I know there is some horrific song lyrics out there, just not usually on my country albums. The words that stood out to me were " I am going to kill myself" I was shocked! Seriously singing about suicide?! I went for a long time where I skipped this song ccompletely, I couldn't bear to listen. Well one day for some reason I did not skip and found myself listening word for word, and I found there was an interesting lesson buried in there. A lesson that I really took to heart as I approached my journey. The songwriter talks about finishing off projects left undone, and cleaning the house and basically getting his affairs in order before he kills himself. Well yes this is still shocking, but the writer talks about how he has messed up his life with his poor choices, in this case heavy drinking. Then it talks about him seeing the old "him" sitting there. Ok so he did not kill his physical self, but rather his mental self. He made the coice to give up his poor habits and recreate himself with new and better life choices.
So as I am approaching my sugery date, I realize that I can connect with this train of thought. I was totally prepared to kill the old me, the obese, sad, moody, and just plain miserable me, and wake up to a new me. After I was "dead", I could bring out the me that sees each day as an adventure. I will never again be the person that avoids going to the party because I hated the thought of habing to work my way through a crowd, never again be terrified of a chair, or being seated in a booth. The new me can dance in the rain so to speak. I can take dance lessons without feeling like a fool. (Well ok maybe still foolish but only because I can't dance worth poop) I can ride my horses again. I can work with my dogs. I can kayak with my boys, I can hike wiout dying. Well you get the point.
So I prepared myself, I made sure my affairs were in order and everything that related to the old fat me was closed, canceled or otherwise discarded. And then I began my journey. I went to the hospital, let them give me my "fatal" injection, and when I woke up, I was the new, stronger version. Now there are times when little snapshots of the "dead" flash through, but I let the memory linger briefly and then I store it away with all the other old memories. The memory of the dead me will always be there, but like with all death, she can't come back and live again, she is gone forever.
I hope I was not to dark for you all tonight. Watching horror flicks and they just tend to make your mind go there.
:)
Thanks for the share! I always love reading your late nite posts :)
Also... on another note, (I too am a country fan) there is an older song about committing suicide by the bottle (Put the bottle against her head and pulled the trigger....) or something like that. Remember that one? :) Always was a tough song to listen to :)
Love the ramblings!!
JJ