Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
My surgery was 10-7-10. i was 258 and now weigh 130 - literally half of me lost.
Just wanted to share some of my thoughts
the great things-
- i love how my body moves, i can squat, i can run, i can curl up on the couch.
- i road my first roller coaster in almost 19yrs... with my son and daughter. i didn't have to ask anyone to fill in for me. I was there with them and for them.
-i don't feel horrible in my clothes. my daughter (6yrs) says "mommy we should buy you some pajama jeans, they look just like real jeans". I told her i have worn enough "pajama jeans" now i want to wear real jeans.
-food and weight do not control my life and my thoughts. i can have a bite and move on.
the odd things -
-sometimes i feel like i don't fit anywhere. i wonder if heavy people see me as the thin person who has never struggled with my weight. i don't want to see the rude side of thin people, saying stuff about weight.
- i struggle with understanding why someone would not want this surgery. on a logical level i completely understand being worried about surgery and risks, but knowing how the surgery has ended my lifelong battle with food i have trouble understanding why some one wants to keep up that fight. i don't say this to them - i allow them to make their choice without my opinion, just the facts about how my surgery is. but i guess i would just like to really understand vs respectfully allowing them their view.
-being the small one in the family. i have always been the heaviest. what a different feeling.
the sad things -
- my face is not my face. I have lost so much fat in my face that i have bags under my eyes (thank goodness for glasses). My bones stick out too sharply. even after two years i don't recognize my face.
- my boobs and butt are gone gone gone. would i like to get breast reconstruction, yes, but that means another surgery and DH would not support that.
- i have replaced my disgust with my fat body with disgust for my thin body. i try to never be undressed around DH. i still leave my glasses off while getting ready so i don't see myself in the mirror.
- i remember in the beginning of weight loss i was petrified that men were going to start noticing me and hitting on me. I had always heard from thin women that they got hit on all the time. i worried and worried about how i would handle it. But you know - i never got hit on once. The best i got is a free lighter one time.
Maybe i should have ended my post with the good things. They are so good and i would do this surgery over in a heartbeat. But while i do not struggle with eating or regaining weight, i struggle with things i can not change. things that i can not brush off by saying "i can lose weight", this is not the real me". But instead i feel i am left with the cold hard facts that my new body, while healthy and strong, is not viewed as pretty by anyone. There were so many compliments in the beginning of the weight loss. But i realize that people were strictly commenting on the weight loss, not what i look like.
This new struggle seems to have no solution. no one wants to ask for compliments, they never seem genuine when you do. i don't see where a psych would help. While he may be able to better my perception of myself, he can't make other people tell me i'm pretty. And you know that brings me back to the compliments - every one of them is about my size. i have had friends, family, coworkers, nurses and doctors tell me i am skinny or tiny, and while that felt good at first, now it's different.
oh well, so for two years out i am doing fine. I am happy with my choice. and i am thrilled to be there for my kids.
Good luck to all of you on this journey.
Rochelle
Just wanted to share some of my thoughts
the great things-
- i love how my body moves, i can squat, i can run, i can curl up on the couch.
- i road my first roller coaster in almost 19yrs... with my son and daughter. i didn't have to ask anyone to fill in for me. I was there with them and for them.
-i don't feel horrible in my clothes. my daughter (6yrs) says "mommy we should buy you some pajama jeans, they look just like real jeans". I told her i have worn enough "pajama jeans" now i want to wear real jeans.
-food and weight do not control my life and my thoughts. i can have a bite and move on.
the odd things -
-sometimes i feel like i don't fit anywhere. i wonder if heavy people see me as the thin person who has never struggled with my weight. i don't want to see the rude side of thin people, saying stuff about weight.
- i struggle with understanding why someone would not want this surgery. on a logical level i completely understand being worried about surgery and risks, but knowing how the surgery has ended my lifelong battle with food i have trouble understanding why some one wants to keep up that fight. i don't say this to them - i allow them to make their choice without my opinion, just the facts about how my surgery is. but i guess i would just like to really understand vs respectfully allowing them their view.
-being the small one in the family. i have always been the heaviest. what a different feeling.
the sad things -
- my face is not my face. I have lost so much fat in my face that i have bags under my eyes (thank goodness for glasses). My bones stick out too sharply. even after two years i don't recognize my face.
- my boobs and butt are gone gone gone. would i like to get breast reconstruction, yes, but that means another surgery and DH would not support that.
- i have replaced my disgust with my fat body with disgust for my thin body. i try to never be undressed around DH. i still leave my glasses off while getting ready so i don't see myself in the mirror.
- i remember in the beginning of weight loss i was petrified that men were going to start noticing me and hitting on me. I had always heard from thin women that they got hit on all the time. i worried and worried about how i would handle it. But you know - i never got hit on once. The best i got is a free lighter one time.
Maybe i should have ended my post with the good things. They are so good and i would do this surgery over in a heartbeat. But while i do not struggle with eating or regaining weight, i struggle with things i can not change. things that i can not brush off by saying "i can lose weight", this is not the real me". But instead i feel i am left with the cold hard facts that my new body, while healthy and strong, is not viewed as pretty by anyone. There were so many compliments in the beginning of the weight loss. But i realize that people were strictly commenting on the weight loss, not what i look like.
This new struggle seems to have no solution. no one wants to ask for compliments, they never seem genuine when you do. i don't see where a psych would help. While he may be able to better my perception of myself, he can't make other people tell me i'm pretty. And you know that brings me back to the compliments - every one of them is about my size. i have had friends, family, coworkers, nurses and doctors tell me i am skinny or tiny, and while that felt good at first, now it's different.
oh well, so for two years out i am doing fine. I am happy with my choice. and i am thrilled to be there for my kids.
Good luck to all of you on this journey.
Rochelle
Thank you for your wonderful comments.
i have a strange self-esteem. I am very confident about WHO i am, about my job, about everything in my life really except for my appearance. i used to be able to say i had pretty eyes, smile, hair, etc. but now i feel i don't have that anymore.
my dh had some issues with my choice for surgery. although he never voiced them until this summer. i know the body type that he likes and he never never made me feel bad when i was heavy. but because of the issues (he was very afraid i would die and never dealt with feeling betrayed by me) with my surgery he pulled away from me almost as soon as i started losing weight.
being married i had no desire for any other man to notice me, but my dh pulling away combined with the lack of notice from anyone (but dear ol' mom) about my appearance i have felt that there must be something lacking in my appearance.
I don't base my value as a human on my looks. but everyone likes to feel pretty. And at times with a new outfit or something i do feel prettier than most days.
dh constantly tells me it's not me it's him, but in our marriage we are interconnected and we affect each other.
Maybe others in marriages don't encounter this drifting apart - in fact i see many on this board posting about how great their spouses are. i am very happy for them.
but i also remember in my info session about the surgery the docs brought up the fact that there is a high divorce rate for post GBS patients. mostly initiated by the spouse. they said it seems that the spouse can not adjusted to the patient's new found energy or confidence.
dh and i are not at that point. and we swore before we were married we would never even consider divorce as an option. but i have changed on the outside and i worry about what if he has changed on the inside.
ah well, maybe this post will help others who have obstacles with spouses. we all know it's certainly easier to step out and say all the good things about our spouse than to share the darker things.
The part about divorce in post-WLS people is scary, our marriage is that of two comfortable old foggies, in earlier years we used to say we would never divorce because the one wanting the divorce had to take the kids with them. But there are no more kids and I don't know how our marriage will do. We did survive raising a multi-hadicapped child (high divorce rate stats) we did survive the death of a child (high divorce stats) and I hope we survive this. Your post has made me aware of the possibility and the need to adapt. Thank you
@alc - i have never considered myself gorgeous, but i have felt pretty before. when i was 16 i lost weight and i think i was pretty then. however, i have always thought that there are actually very few truly UGLY people. i know i have never seen you and so i am not trying to tell you you're wrong. but i know that words cut like a knife and those scars are so hard to heal. when i was young the teasing was always about my weight - not my face, even with bad acne. maybe weight loss will give you a new outlook about your look:-)
My dh and i have always been homebodies and that didn't change with me. i hate hate hate running out every day. that could be because i work outside the home and always feel that i want to spend my precious free time with my family. perhaps your interests will stay the same too and you and your dh will still have a lot to share together.
you are amazing to have survived through so much, individually and as a couple. i am sure the you two have developed some really good coping skills. it's good to know you can dust them off and start using them if you need to.
@violet - my dh does all the cooking, not because he likes to, but he is a stay at home dad. he was worried about the volume i would eat too. he even worried we wouldn't be able to eat out anymore. in the beginning you won't be able to eat much. but around 6 to 7 months your appetite does return and you should be able to enjoy his meals. the key is to stress to dh that the nice part about eating is eating as a family and getting to visit and talk to each other. stretch your food out to be sure it will last while others are eating. we are supposed to eat slowly anyway.
once you are recovered from the actually surgery maybe you can do whatever it was you did when he cooked - like if you chopped the peppers for him or stirred the sauce still do those same things. i am assuming with your pregnancy you were sick to your stomach. but with WLS that won't be the case (hopefully). you just won't be able to eat as much, but it's not like you'll vomit at the smell of onions. I know one of my biggest frustrations is dh makes wonderful meals and i feel so hungry and two bites in i feel full!
again, i think this has a hopeful note in that you will probably still like your dh's food and will be able to be in the same room while he's cooking. remember to keep the praise coming about how good his cooking is even if you can only take a few bites.
and pray that you do not develop the nausea that some do after surgery. remember to try to talk to him about it now and after. if i had pushed my dh to talk more we might not be where we are now.
Good luck to you both,
Rochelle