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WAY OFF TOPIC!! But need to vent so I don't eat, or at least try to! LOL!
Do any of you have a blended family?
I have 3 sons... two eldest from 1st marriage, then the (17 yr old) baby that is mine and new(er) hubbys....
We struggled (to put it lightly) over raising the eldest two... step parenting is hard on EVERYONE!!
I won't bore you with all the details, but lets just say the tougher step dad got, the more lenient I got... and the boys suffered for it.
Our middle boy moved back home to he could hopefully get his feet under him.... Well, that worked for awhile, then it all fell apart. So both hubby and I were in agreement he had to go.
We gave him till Oct 1st to get a job or move out. (looks like hes moving out).... This is hard for me! Yeah, hes 25 and all grown up, but hes still my kid!
Hubby and I had a HUGE (for us anyways... we're not fighters like some, more like loud talkers!) fight... We went for a walk and talk :) And he ended up leaving me on the path and walking back without me. (Altho he came looking for me later! LOL!)
It is all so petty and I feel like I have to choose sides between him and my son... And I am no good at being the tough parent so hubby thinks he has to make up for it.. Yet when it comes to "our son" (the baby) he's pretty much a push over!
AAAAACK! Now we are arguing over if middle boy gets to keep his cell phone (its on our line) for a month or two without paying for it... Yada yada.... on and on it goes... The boy is suppose to pay rent to us... but cant right now, but he did come up with the 40 bucks for his phone... but hubby says not good enough, has to be to pay rent first then phone.... and he hard ass-ness makes me want to be more lenient (still after all these years!)
OMG.... I cannot believe we are still doing this! I feel like we are back in time when they were all at home and we argued over this crap!
I love my husband... and I know I can be too lenient... even tho I did tell my son he had to move out end of Sept or have a job.... but when pushed... the mom in me feels cornered and compelled to side with my sons...
Jeeze..... What a bunch of BS! Rich (hubby) and I seldom argue! But over the boys.... whew! We can go the rounds! My heart breaks over kicking out my son... now hurts because I feel like hubby just stepped back in time and drug me with him kicking and screaming!
Yeah, it will be ok... I will be ok.... hubby and I will be ok... my son will be ok.... But right now... it just sucks :(
Do any of you have a blended family?
I have 3 sons... two eldest from 1st marriage, then the (17 yr old) baby that is mine and new(er) hubbys....
We struggled (to put it lightly) over raising the eldest two... step parenting is hard on EVERYONE!!
I won't bore you with all the details, but lets just say the tougher step dad got, the more lenient I got... and the boys suffered for it.
Our middle boy moved back home to he could hopefully get his feet under him.... Well, that worked for awhile, then it all fell apart. So both hubby and I were in agreement he had to go.
We gave him till Oct 1st to get a job or move out. (looks like hes moving out).... This is hard for me! Yeah, hes 25 and all grown up, but hes still my kid!
Hubby and I had a HUGE (for us anyways... we're not fighters like some, more like loud talkers!) fight... We went for a walk and talk :) And he ended up leaving me on the path and walking back without me. (Altho he came looking for me later! LOL!)
It is all so petty and I feel like I have to choose sides between him and my son... And I am no good at being the tough parent so hubby thinks he has to make up for it.. Yet when it comes to "our son" (the baby) he's pretty much a push over!
AAAAACK! Now we are arguing over if middle boy gets to keep his cell phone (its on our line) for a month or two without paying for it... Yada yada.... on and on it goes... The boy is suppose to pay rent to us... but cant right now, but he did come up with the 40 bucks for his phone... but hubby says not good enough, has to be to pay rent first then phone.... and he hard ass-ness makes me want to be more lenient (still after all these years!)
OMG.... I cannot believe we are still doing this! I feel like we are back in time when they were all at home and we argued over this crap!
I love my husband... and I know I can be too lenient... even tho I did tell my son he had to move out end of Sept or have a job.... but when pushed... the mom in me feels cornered and compelled to side with my sons...
Jeeze..... What a bunch of BS! Rich (hubby) and I seldom argue! But over the boys.... whew! We can go the rounds! My heart breaks over kicking out my son... now hurts because I feel like hubby just stepped back in time and drug me with him kicking and screaming!
Yeah, it will be ok... I will be ok.... hubby and I will be ok... my son will be ok.... But right now... it just sucks :(
My sister in law has lived with us many times. Once I gave her the choice, dump the boyfriend or live with us . She chose the guy. I was torn up about it. I went to the bible for guidance. So many times I find the answers are right there in the beginning. God kicked Adam and eveout. Why, bbecause they didn't follow the rules. My SIL ended up cutting her wrists 4 mos later. She was fine, but it was a wake up call. She lived with us one last time. I told her she had to give me all her money to save for her and that this was the last time ever.
She asked once again about 9 mos after she left but I said no. She had a rough time at first. But now she has a job and an apt. She's actually helping her 19 yr old son get started in life.
At 25 your son should be adult enough to follow the rules under your roof. If he's not then it's time for him to support himself. A side note, years ago not only did people NOT have cell phones and survive, but for many land lines were even optional if you were short on money.
I know you fear hubby is hard on your boy and not the baby, but the baby is not grown yet. However if he was like this when the older ones were young well... maybe when you are not in the middle of the crisis you two can write a list of what you will and will not do for the kids.
Good luck,
Rochelle
Rochelle, you cracked me up! I am 53, I am one of the last people I think on the face of the planet to get a cell phone! So, yes I remember when every street corner had a payphone and every home had Ma Bell :) Now a days... young folks often don't know who Ma Bell was and payphones????? Now, if you see any sign of one, its usually just an empty shell. Funny how the world changes :)
He is moving out the 1st of Oct. now now.... He's trying to find a job so he don't have to... but I am not sure if hes looking real hard. He does not expect us to pay for his phone at all, I was just thinking that all the applications he has filled out are useless if he has no phone number and is couch surfing. I didn't tell my son we would pay for the phone, I was just thinking if he could not come up with the money, we'd not instantly cut it off, but give him a couple months of lag time. Maybe that's wrong....
Anyways.... yes tough love IS hard. This is the second time I have kicked him out. The 1st time he was 19. So I get that, and have done that.... And am again.
I guess I was lucky. Maybe I didn't realize it till now... I was raised by parents who had my back even when no one should. Who were there for me when no one else was. Who always seen the best in me where there was little to see. Who spoiled me without question. Who would go to bat for me when no one else did. I have never felt alone, even when I probably should have been.
I think EVERYONE on the face of the earth should be lucky enough to have a person who is this for them. Just one person. And I am, and forever will be, that one person for my sons. Period. End of story. Don't want to change that if I could. :)
You're right that you should always be there for your son. However, I know you know that there is a difference between unconditional love which every child should have and condoning poor choices.
I was in an abusive relationship at 18. My mom never stopped loving me but she never accepted my boyfriend. The night he shot himself I called her and said mom come get me . Those were the only words I said and she only said yes.
My point is love is always there, but you never want to support, enable or accept poor behavior or choices.
I know you will make the best choice for your son. You are his mom and the fact that you are worried and trying to find the best way is the key to the fact that you will.
Remind yourself that even though your decision might hurt or be hard you are choosing best.
Your sons are very lucky to have such a great mom. Continue to be strong for them.
Warmly,
Rochelle