Well tomorrow I go to see the surgeons assistant. I feel like one of those rats in the testing labs. I feel like they just want to see my weight to see if they did their job. I am down 85 pounds since April, but I feel like they won't think that is good enough. It is pretty good for a yo yo dieter who has wreaked havoc on her metabolism. I finally can eat a few things I like without getting the sweats and nauseous. I was just asked last night if I would do it again with all the complications I had and the second surgery and the answer is yes yes yes in a heartbeat. WHen I put on winter white pants in a size 12 it sure beats black pants in a size 24. Believe me I have a ways to go, but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. I finally have given in to the fact that I must excerise. I am not an exercise person, but if that is the last piece of the puzzle I guess I will have to do it. I will never repeat never weight 257 pounds ever again. (I hope). I am really scared of gaining the weight back because I feel so much better and am told I look much better. I have a new hairstyle, highlights, and all new clothes and shoes. I feel better than I have in years, but once a fat person always a fat person (at least in your head). It is nice to have the confidence I had been lacking for years. I am actually proud of myself, but now I see a whole bunch of small flaws that were overshadowed by my weight. My skin tone is uneven, I have saggy skin etc. I guess what i am trying to say is i don't look forward to going to the doctor and being judged by the number on the scale. I am afraid it will put me into a tail spin. I am 170 with 40 pounds to get to my ideal weight. I don't kmow if i will ever get there, but I am going to FLorida in February and will see my mother in law who is very fact conscious. I can't imagine what she must have thought of me before, but that really stinks because I have the same heart, it hasn't shrunk. ANyway I have to work hard to achieve my goal and I do not want to be depressed if the doctors think i should have lost more weight or I am not trying hard enough. That will make me eat. I guess I can't depend on anyone but myself to make my dream of reaching my ideal weight come true. I didn't put the weight on overnight and I guess I won't be taking it off overnight. Will let ya know how it goes Monday night.
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