Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
Dramatic title, right? But that's what it feels like inside my head.
Every possible resistance to change invented by man, and some new ones I am inventing for the occasion, are crossing my mind. My investment in remaining a slothful, depressed, non functioning lump is incredibly high. I am completely unmotivated to get up, get going, live a "real" life.
It's remarkable, really, for a woman with fairly well developed insight and a reasonable amount of intelligence to be so crazily self destructive. This is more than depression (for which I am medicated). This is more like a stubborn decision to "refuse life" and do things my own miserable way if I want! *insert foot stamping here*.
The date for my surgery is relentlessly moving forward. Meanwhile I have a sleep apnea test coming (THAT caused a temper tantrum and mega resistance!) and have to leave my house to buy stuff like slippers and vitamins and stuff. I have a towering resentment about that!
I hope you don't mind me writing this stuff here. Sometimes writing down what I'm feeling clarifies it for me.
Can anyone relate???
Every possible resistance to change invented by man, and some new ones I am inventing for the occasion, are crossing my mind. My investment in remaining a slothful, depressed, non functioning lump is incredibly high. I am completely unmotivated to get up, get going, live a "real" life.
It's remarkable, really, for a woman with fairly well developed insight and a reasonable amount of intelligence to be so crazily self destructive. This is more than depression (for which I am medicated). This is more like a stubborn decision to "refuse life" and do things my own miserable way if I want! *insert foot stamping here*.
The date for my surgery is relentlessly moving forward. Meanwhile I have a sleep apnea test coming (THAT caused a temper tantrum and mega resistance!) and have to leave my house to buy stuff like slippers and vitamins and stuff. I have a towering resentment about that!
I hope you don't mind me writing this stuff here. Sometimes writing down what I'm feeling clarifies it for me.
Can anyone relate???
Your comment about getting a real life- that is what I have prayed for for years but it seems like I am blocked at every turn. No matter what I do I can't lose any weight, I am resentful that food is the center of my universe. Not because I want to eat but because every thing I put in my mouth is a major decision.
I haven't even had my first appointment yet but I change my mind 10 times a day,
So yes, I can relate, but hang in there. It will be worth it.
It's a comfort to eat, but is it comfortable being miserable?
This is the best decision I have ever made!
My heaviest was 325.
I would sweat just walking to the car or getting ready for the day, hated to go anywhere or do anything for both embarrassment and fear of pain when walking.
Couldn't go on fair rides with my daughter, scared that I would embarrass her at school functions.
Then one day I woke up and realized how much of life I was missing out on, and that if I didn't change things, I could leave my child without a mother! I HAD to to this!
I am now 3 1/2 months post op, down 106 total since starting this process and have never felt or looked better!
I no longer take ANY prescription meds, can walk as much as I want without pain or shortness of breath, enjoy getting ready for the day and care about what I look like, and can't wait for the next county fair with my daughter!
You admitted your unhappy now, so what do you have to lose, besides weight!!!!!!?
Yes, the journey is grueling and hard, but worth every minute of it!
I wish you the best, and we are here for any support you may need!
My personal experience was crying all the time for what I thought I was loosing... (food, a lifestyle, freedom) What I did not realize is that I gave up nothing but a lot of FAT!
Resentment, anger, grief... you name it and I've felt it. Today I'm a bit less emotional and more tired than anything. I have a sleep apnea test scheduled for tonight. Perhaps that will distract me from my self pity!
I found this little cartoon thing, and it's a PERFECT description of grieving... and it is exactly what I'm doing. Hope you find it as amusing as I do!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY