Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group

Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.

1,486 Members

40,160 Posts

0 Online

caruTH 04/23/2010

I just ended the relationship that I was in again. I keep letting him come back because there are more times then others that he seems like he is really trying to make things work with us. But then like tonight, he wants nothing to do with me. I understand needed to have alone time by yourself, but is that supposed to mean that you forget about the ones you love all together? I should've never talked to him tonight because I had a feeling that was happening tonight. So even after an amazing week together and an even extra amazing day he's done with me for now. I understand that he is really busy with school and work, but really to totally forget about me hurts really bad, and I'm just not going to let it happen like this anymore. When things like this happen I just want to run away and go somewhere that I don't know anyone and they don't know me. I feel like he is only attracted to me because I'm losing weight. He says that his feelings for me haven't changed but he just doesn't want to be with me right now. So what about next, when he's ready to be around me again then I'm expected to just let him come back? Not this time. I'm done. I'm tired of feeling used and not getting anything back in return.

Lilith11 04/23/2010

A break up is hard. Be strong, find some things you like to do to occupy your mind. You are beginning a new you, let no one hold you down.
Altheia

deleted_user 04/23/2010

Altheia is SO right! It is hard, but you have so much going for you right now, so much to be happy about. If your doubting why someone is with you, than chances are they aren't showing you that they are there for the right reasons. Only you can decide if its really over, but trust me, after 7 years in a COMPLETELY loveless relationship, I was more alone when I was with him than I am now that I am alone. I am SO much happier today than I was a few months ago. It was such a good decision for me. I wish you the best! Don't be in a relationship with anyone if your doubting how they really feel!

caruTH 04/23/2010

Thanks ladies!!! I feel a little bit better this morning after sleeping off the sadness. But I am still a bit teary-eyed. About 45 minutes after posting this he called me, but I didn't answer the phone. I just don't want to drag this on any longer and I don't want to get pulled back into his grasp. I do love him very much. And for a little information, he is actually my ex husband and my son's father. We were married for 6 years. So this makes it even more difficult because I have to see him because of our son. And I truly want our family back together. He was pretty messed up when he left me 3 1/2 years ago, but he still loved me when he did. It's one of those "I don't want to be with you, but I don't want anyone else to be with you" situations. He's told me that before and it's just not fair.

I'm gonna go shopping today with my sister and then watch a movie this afternoon with my son and nephew. Gotta do things to keep him off my mind. I know that he will probably try to get a hold of me today, but I will be avoiding him. I'm concerned though because he has a key to my apartment and I don't want him thinking that he can just come over. So I'm thinking I will stay away from home most of the day.

Thanks again, and I'll keep you posted.

deleted_user 04/23/2010

Aww hunnie...its gotta be hard...especially when you love the person.
But always remember you and your son come first.
just because we love people doesn't make them right for us. You want to be with someone who makes you happy and makes you want to be a better person. We can love alot of people...but loving them when they are away from you is ok too.
I've loved more than one in my time...but the one I'm with not only loves me back, but makes me feel good and want to do good things with and for him...myself and our family.
Hang tough and you will find what you need/want, and you can still love your ex husband..but do it from a stance that you are protected...

ahh i'm ramblin now...darnit...i hate it when i lose my thoughts then wonder if that came out right...LOL
Be strong..we are here for you...
**hugs**
Karla

caruTH 04/23/2010

Thanks Karla. I know I will always love him but I can't let him hurt me anymore. My sister was saying that I need to date other guys and see what's out there. I just have a hard time meeting people. Not sure how to go about it.

MaryJ63 04/23/2010

Hey Cara
I'm no expert haha but I will tell you that being in that kind of relationship is very unhealthy! It's called mental abuse....I've been there and oh boy it's no fun!! I agree with Karla..You can love someone but not be with them...It's ok. One day you will meet Mr. Right (and if you don't its ok you can be happy with yourself) and say hmmmmm how did I let that happen to me....Again it's ok ..
Keep your chin up and think of you and your son...It is not healthy for him to see his Mom upset.....
The final decision is yours.........We are all hear for support :-)
B-Happy life is short :-)
Mary

deleted_user 04/23/2010

Not knowing all the details but still compelled to respond:

Take your key back - it's YOUR place. He can make arrangements to come over on your terms. Set a firm boundary about what you want/need and stick to it. He'll get the message and follow your lead of respecting yourself by respecting you and your boundaries. You've already made a significant change in your life by having surgery - use the positive momentum to carry positive changes into other areas of your life.

Join the Conversation