Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
My surgery center refers patients to a local online support group. One of their requirements for surgery is to attend monthly support meetings, or the online group is a suitable option for those that can't make the meetings. So I joined the group right before surgery. I thought it would be kind of fun to chat with people in my area that have the same surgery. It is set up through Yahoo groups, and for any of you that are part of a Yahoo group, you know that they are about 50 years behind in discussion group technology. All posts go out to the group as an email. So if there is 50 posts in a day you will get 50 emails. You can of course change the settings to get it all in one email, or even shut off emails if you choose and go through the Yahoo site to read. It is a very clunky system to say the least. But I wander off my track.
I lurked with the site for a few weeks before I really felt the urge to post. It is not a very active site and the useable information is few and far between. But one day they started talking about children at support group meetings and whether it was a place for children or not. So I replied back that in all honesty I would not attend a meeting that frequently had children present, I went on to explain my reasoning. There is a lot about our surgery and the journey that follows that can be taken out of context by a child or preteen that is already struggling with body image issues brought on by our current media. And personally I feel the purpose a support group meeting is so that adults can talk freely about whatever issue they are currently struggling with. With a child in the room are you really going to bring up your newly found intimate relationship with your husband? Or talk about the fact that you had to make yourself vomit twice this week as things were sticking? You need to be able to talk freely in order for the group to serve its purpose.
Anyway the moderater came back with a reply, made reference to her AA history and how in that context I would be considered resentful. Ok I speak my mind and share my honest opinion and I am resentful? I am not familiar with AA, and I have nothing against people that have taken that route to deal with their drinking. But I have a hard time believing that children are a welcome addition to AA meetings on a regular basis. And if they come it seems that some sort of child care would have to be available. And what part of my post made me resentful? I currently have a teenager, and a preteen. They are familiar with my surgery, and they see my struggles and success. But I also talk it through with them in detail. They are not overhearing a conversation and making that into something. There are question and answer sessions. I might add that the moderator is a babysitter, well aged, but still babysits, but she has never had her own child and never will. When you look from the outside in the perspective is different. Again no offense to those of you without children, and I hope that even if you do not have kids, I would hope you can understand that their minds suck in information and spit it back out in whatever way their little minds want so that I works the way they want. Kids need constant input and feedback to train the mind to keep things in perspective. The media keeps fighting parents on this, so it takes much more to keep it straight. Thankfully I have boys, I can't imagine trying to keep a girl from having image issues in this day and age.
Ok so that was my first post. So I backed off and lurked a bit for a few more weeks. I would reply to a couple here and there, but only basic stuff. One night I had my computer at work, and there was a lot of activity late at night, so I posted something back about the high number of night owls. That started a whole flow of late night chatter, some related, some not related at all to WLS surgery. But there was about 5 of us getting to know each other. It was really run.
So the next day the moderator sends out a post titled.- "Shut the Hell Up!" Ok seriously? She goes on to explain, using her AA excuse again that what we are doing is often called cross talk at AA meetings, and that the board is not really for personal talk, AND that the whole reason she started the board is because she wanted to be the one and only voice. ( ok it was worded different, but that was the gist, she wanted to be god and the rest of us should just follow along quietly)
Well not sure if you have figured this out about me, but I am not really one to sit back queitly and follow Mr Jones to the Cyanide. My dad always had this saying when I was a kid. "This is a dictatorship, not a democracy, so sit down, shut up and listen." While it was a bit intimidating when I was ten, as I grew up I turned it around and it is now somewhat of a family joke. I pretty much had the choice to grow up totally submissive, or follow the leader and become somewhat dominant. I will let you all figure out where it ended up. :) Anyway, I went off the track again, let me get the train back again........
Anyway we all get this email in the morning. And I penned a very lengthy post back at her.
My first point. THIS isn't AA. I give all AA members credit, and I am not dogging anyone, but really, why not compare us to my quilting circle? Apples and oranges.
Second point. WLS is PERSONAL! While there are many people that have the same symptoms and complications, everyones journey is different and the nature of the beast is personal. WE have all struggled through being obese and all the embarrassment that comes with that, and we are all working towards and working through the stages of surgery. But in order to find security in your struggle you are going to have to share some personal detail.
And my third and final point. In order for a group to be considered support it requires conversation. Someone states an issues, and the group as a whole discusses how to overcome it. What worked for one, will not work for me, but with enough chatter I will find one way that works, or the combination of 20 ways that I can combine and spit back out into my own solution. If you want to post your solutions, and consider that to be the only way to handle any given problem, then you do not have a support group, you have a blog. What one person comes across in their journey will probably never match any other persons journey exactly. So while we were chatting about non WLS surgery things, and folks, understand that we were not really going off track and crazy with this. It was mostly, hey I am up all night working the graveyard, and hey I can never seem to sleep at night, blah blah blah.
I ended my email with the point that I was not interested in reading daily of her private struggle with her personal issues, and not hearing from anyone else, and having some feedback on what I was going through. And that I currently belong to a wonderful group, that while it is nationwide it provides a ton of support to people in all stages and is always friend with no apparent moderation and I invited any and all to join my on DailyStrength.org. After i sent, I went to the dashboard and removed myself from the board, so I did not see any reply to this. lol
I have sat on this for about 2 or 3 weeks now, thinking it over. Sometimes things irratate me, and I think about them and they just don't seem that important. But last night I was chatting with one of the night owls I met on that board on a FB chat. She is pre surgery, and had some questions, but was afraid to post to that board as everyone was told that personal matters were not to be posted. It brought all the previous irratation back. This is hard enough to go through, I can't imagine not being able to come here and throw out questions, no matter how simple or complex they are and finding someone that can answer or that is going through the same thing. Yet this poor lady was struggling with some basic informaiton with the feeling she had no where to go for an answer because she was directed to a board that was run by a dictator. I have put some serious thought into writing a letter to the surgeon regarding the referral, but I am not sure they would care. They are in business to collect money for surgery and after that, who cares.
So I hope that my train stayed on track enough for you to read this post and make some sense.
To summarize the whole meaning of my ramble. I am really glad that I have all of you to come to when I need you. It is great to know that there is always someone out that there that will give me support and make me feel better through my journey.
:)
I lurked with the site for a few weeks before I really felt the urge to post. It is not a very active site and the useable information is few and far between. But one day they started talking about children at support group meetings and whether it was a place for children or not. So I replied back that in all honesty I would not attend a meeting that frequently had children present, I went on to explain my reasoning. There is a lot about our surgery and the journey that follows that can be taken out of context by a child or preteen that is already struggling with body image issues brought on by our current media. And personally I feel the purpose a support group meeting is so that adults can talk freely about whatever issue they are currently struggling with. With a child in the room are you really going to bring up your newly found intimate relationship with your husband? Or talk about the fact that you had to make yourself vomit twice this week as things were sticking? You need to be able to talk freely in order for the group to serve its purpose.
Anyway the moderater came back with a reply, made reference to her AA history and how in that context I would be considered resentful. Ok I speak my mind and share my honest opinion and I am resentful? I am not familiar with AA, and I have nothing against people that have taken that route to deal with their drinking. But I have a hard time believing that children are a welcome addition to AA meetings on a regular basis. And if they come it seems that some sort of child care would have to be available. And what part of my post made me resentful? I currently have a teenager, and a preteen. They are familiar with my surgery, and they see my struggles and success. But I also talk it through with them in detail. They are not overhearing a conversation and making that into something. There are question and answer sessions. I might add that the moderator is a babysitter, well aged, but still babysits, but she has never had her own child and never will. When you look from the outside in the perspective is different. Again no offense to those of you without children, and I hope that even if you do not have kids, I would hope you can understand that their minds suck in information and spit it back out in whatever way their little minds want so that I works the way they want. Kids need constant input and feedback to train the mind to keep things in perspective. The media keeps fighting parents on this, so it takes much more to keep it straight. Thankfully I have boys, I can't imagine trying to keep a girl from having image issues in this day and age.
Ok so that was my first post. So I backed off and lurked a bit for a few more weeks. I would reply to a couple here and there, but only basic stuff. One night I had my computer at work, and there was a lot of activity late at night, so I posted something back about the high number of night owls. That started a whole flow of late night chatter, some related, some not related at all to WLS surgery. But there was about 5 of us getting to know each other. It was really run.
So the next day the moderator sends out a post titled.- "Shut the Hell Up!" Ok seriously? She goes on to explain, using her AA excuse again that what we are doing is often called cross talk at AA meetings, and that the board is not really for personal talk, AND that the whole reason she started the board is because she wanted to be the one and only voice. ( ok it was worded different, but that was the gist, she wanted to be god and the rest of us should just follow along quietly)
Well not sure if you have figured this out about me, but I am not really one to sit back queitly and follow Mr Jones to the Cyanide. My dad always had this saying when I was a kid. "This is a dictatorship, not a democracy, so sit down, shut up and listen." While it was a bit intimidating when I was ten, as I grew up I turned it around and it is now somewhat of a family joke. I pretty much had the choice to grow up totally submissive, or follow the leader and become somewhat dominant. I will let you all figure out where it ended up. :) Anyway, I went off the track again, let me get the train back again........
Anyway we all get this email in the morning. And I penned a very lengthy post back at her.
My first point. THIS isn't AA. I give all AA members credit, and I am not dogging anyone, but really, why not compare us to my quilting circle? Apples and oranges.
Second point. WLS is PERSONAL! While there are many people that have the same symptoms and complications, everyones journey is different and the nature of the beast is personal. WE have all struggled through being obese and all the embarrassment that comes with that, and we are all working towards and working through the stages of surgery. But in order to find security in your struggle you are going to have to share some personal detail.
And my third and final point. In order for a group to be considered support it requires conversation. Someone states an issues, and the group as a whole discusses how to overcome it. What worked for one, will not work for me, but with enough chatter I will find one way that works, or the combination of 20 ways that I can combine and spit back out into my own solution. If you want to post your solutions, and consider that to be the only way to handle any given problem, then you do not have a support group, you have a blog. What one person comes across in their journey will probably never match any other persons journey exactly. So while we were chatting about non WLS surgery things, and folks, understand that we were not really going off track and crazy with this. It was mostly, hey I am up all night working the graveyard, and hey I can never seem to sleep at night, blah blah blah.
I ended my email with the point that I was not interested in reading daily of her private struggle with her personal issues, and not hearing from anyone else, and having some feedback on what I was going through. And that I currently belong to a wonderful group, that while it is nationwide it provides a ton of support to people in all stages and is always friend with no apparent moderation and I invited any and all to join my on DailyStrength.org. After i sent, I went to the dashboard and removed myself from the board, so I did not see any reply to this. lol
I have sat on this for about 2 or 3 weeks now, thinking it over. Sometimes things irratate me, and I think about them and they just don't seem that important. But last night I was chatting with one of the night owls I met on that board on a FB chat. She is pre surgery, and had some questions, but was afraid to post to that board as everyone was told that personal matters were not to be posted. It brought all the previous irratation back. This is hard enough to go through, I can't imagine not being able to come here and throw out questions, no matter how simple or complex they are and finding someone that can answer or that is going through the same thing. Yet this poor lady was struggling with some basic informaiton with the feeling she had no where to go for an answer because she was directed to a board that was run by a dictator. I have put some serious thought into writing a letter to the surgeon regarding the referral, but I am not sure they would care. They are in business to collect money for surgery and after that, who cares.
So I hope that my train stayed on track enough for you to read this post and make some sense.
To summarize the whole meaning of my ramble. I am really glad that I have all of you to come to when I need you. It is great to know that there is always someone out that there that will give me support and make me feel better through my journey.
:)
I don't want to put your surgery center down but I can't beleive they are so uncaring. My center was calling and checking on me when I first got home from the hospital and I can still call them 24 hrs 7 days a week if I need to.
This website is wonderful. We can discuss anything even if it doesn't pertain to WLS. That's great too! I have a lot of friends here, in fact probably more than I have at home!
If your center referred you to this group I would definitely mention it to them. You are not the only one dissatisfied. They should know what's going on so they stop referring people to a less than pleasant experience.
I hope the lady that you met with in fb finds her way here. :-)