Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
Now that everything is scheduled and I am definitely on my way to surgery, I have a list of people (a short list) who I plan on telling what I am doing. I am, by nature, a pretty insular person - I kind of do my own thing, in my own time ... I dont often feel the need to talk about my personal matters openly with lots of other people - my weight being one of those matters I rarely talk about with others.
Anyway, I havent told my family about my surgery because I wanted to be sure there was actually something to tell - and now that my surgery is a month away ... well, guess its time. They know about my struggles, have witnessed it all my life - I weighed what I should weigh now when I was 10. My brother (who I lived with for several years) watched me spend, literally, thousands of dollars on weight loss programs, personal trainers, exercise videos.
We are going on a mini family vacation next week - so I think that would be the opportune time to talk about it, since we are all going to be together in one place. But, I am worried about this - I dont know how to start the conversation without jusct blurting it out - I am worried at how my mother is going to react (I know my dad and brother will be supportive, if not worried or with questions) because she can sometimes be overdramatic and overbearing and it can be overwhelming for me. I dont want to ruin the mini vacation, so I can find reasons to also talk myself out of this. At any rate, I have to tell them because I am going to need my parents to be at the hospital with me and I am going to need them to understand what I am doing, why I am doing it and how this is going to play out for holiday meals (I am the cook in the family, I didnt get this big by not being able to THROW DOWN in the kitchen, Bobby Flay has nothing on me) and what the next several months of my life is going to be like.
I am rambling ... I am worried about telling my family ... and I shouldnt be because they are generally pretty awesome, but I am worried ...mostly because I try hard not to be a source of stress for my retired parents or family in general.
What do I say?
Anyway, I havent told my family about my surgery because I wanted to be sure there was actually something to tell - and now that my surgery is a month away ... well, guess its time. They know about my struggles, have witnessed it all my life - I weighed what I should weigh now when I was 10. My brother (who I lived with for several years) watched me spend, literally, thousands of dollars on weight loss programs, personal trainers, exercise videos.
We are going on a mini family vacation next week - so I think that would be the opportune time to talk about it, since we are all going to be together in one place. But, I am worried about this - I dont know how to start the conversation without jusct blurting it out - I am worried at how my mother is going to react (I know my dad and brother will be supportive, if not worried or with questions) because she can sometimes be overdramatic and overbearing and it can be overwhelming for me. I dont want to ruin the mini vacation, so I can find reasons to also talk myself out of this. At any rate, I have to tell them because I am going to need my parents to be at the hospital with me and I am going to need them to understand what I am doing, why I am doing it and how this is going to play out for holiday meals (I am the cook in the family, I didnt get this big by not being able to THROW DOWN in the kitchen, Bobby Flay has nothing on me) and what the next several months of my life is going to be like.
I am rambling ... I am worried about telling my family ... and I shouldnt be because they are generally pretty awesome, but I am worried ...mostly because I try hard not to be a source of stress for my retired parents or family in general.
What do I say?
not possible...but you must make it as positive as you can stating all the good things that come with GBS, and explain that the complications are so so rare...I mean major complications...many of us have small blips on the radar, I had a site infection that gave me a fit, and landed me in the hospital for 9 days, but the surgery part was fine..it was my body that could not fight the infection...not the surgery..
be positive and happy and don't let them see any fear or hesitation in you...people breed off what they see..and get your brothers support first...since he witnessed all you have done...it will make it easier to approach you mama and daddy if you have someone already in your corner.
I too kept it quiet from most of my family. I didn't tell my step-sister or step-brother until well after the surgery because I knew I couldn't rely on them for any support and I didn't want to have an argument about my decision. It was a good strategy that allowed me to focus on my recovery and share my journey with those who could be supportive. I was grateful to have a friend who had the same surgery 8 years ago who went with me to a few appointments and drove me to the hospital the day of surgery.
In the end, you have to take care of yourself instead of everyone else. This is the time to be a little selfish and ask them to support you. Somebody else will have to cook - (or make the reservations) this year!
Group dynamics are so hard to predict. Just be your new self and remember this is a statement of independence and systems don't respond well to change.
Lin
Being an Aries girl, i was always one for the family drama. Big production, big show! Guess i grew out of it. lol.
Altheia
so... after all that... sometimes the direct route is the best one. Like a bandaid, do it fast and all at once.
best of luck!
Remember that some of your families reaction be out of lack of knowlege, and some out of fear.... they love you...parents are always parents even if you are all checked into the same geriatric nursing home... they may be scared....but it is a "I love you" scared, not a "I am judging you" scared. Don't let them change your mind,but help them to be supportive. Let them know you are excited for this new chance at life.
They might not know how to be supportive so be specific. You can say "Mom, Dad...I need you to support me. I need you to make this easy for me. I need you to encourage me when I am down, not say I told you so, or you should not have done it". Sometimes people say the wrong thing because the do not know the right thing. Make easy for them...tell them what you need to hear.
It could be a wonderful vacation...
just a thought...liz
I will start with my Dad, as a Daddy's girl, he's always been my greatest advocate, and is the best at getting my mother to chillax.
Got to love family! Thank you all so much - I have been so caught up in apprehension and emotion for the past week that I wasnt thinking this one through clearly - too much worry, not enough logic!