Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group
Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.
Ok... so I don't expect anyone to have an answer for me, but I have to vent someplace and thanks to all the kind souls I've met here, this seems to be a safe place!
My hubby is very supportive of me, what I do, and loves me 'no matter what'. I appreciate him very much and should tell him so more often... Tonight he started telling me he was worried about me having this surgery. Not the surgery itself, but he is worried I will put hope into this surgery working and will fall apart if it doesn't. He of course knows I have to make life long changes to make it work, and I think (in error) he don't think I can do it.
I know where this all came from. After spending 4 years making life changes in my diet, exercise, even quit smoking, I have been unable to lose more than a bit of weight here and there. After many doc visits, NUT visits, etc. I finally get diagnosed with Hashimoto's (Hypothyroidism) last March. Everyone tells me, including the docs, that once that is under control with meds I will be able to lose weight. Not so. Even NUT said I was pretty much doing all I could do... and still no significant weight loss. I would get frustrated and have an occasional don't give a damn, day, but overall, I kept at it.
Then last Sept. we moved so I could transfer to the University of Oregon. Something happened when we moved and my health took a turn for the worse. Long story short, I am feeling better now, but have truly fallen off the new lifestyle wagon. In part because just getting thru the day has been an effort. No excuse tho... I know I've have fallen and need to get back on with it. My deal. And I am working on it.
Hubby says I put all my hope into something 'fixing me' and when it doesn't I fall apart and all my hopes are dashed. That he hates seeing me so upset and worries I will do the same with the surgery.
I started crying.... I told him I was worried too! I am so scared that even tho I read about all the people who have lost with the surgery, I will be the one who won't. Just like the docs all said I'd lose with the right thyroid meds, and I didn't.
I told him I don't know what else to do but to hope... and keep trying. The only other option I had was to give up, and I am not ready to do that yet. I told him how I was so afraid of ending up like my sis-in-law (who I love dearly) who needs new knees but is to fat for them to do the surgery, and cannot seem to lose weight, she just sits and watches tv all day, getting bigger and bigger, now needs a wheelchair just to get to bathroom and struggles to just provide her own personal care. I am so fearful of becoming like her so I just keep trying!
I asked my hubby what he thought I should do... He said he didn't know, but he was worried how I would handle it if it didn't work or I could not do it 'for life'. But he has no other option. He reminded me he loves me no matter what and will support me and help me however he can... But...
I just cried and cried! Part because he's right, part because he's wrong. part just because I'm scared the surgery won't work, or I won't be able to pull off the work afterwards. It seems like I finally got my act together to do what I needed to do starting about 4 years ago. To make the serious life changes that I should have made eons ago... and maybe it was too late! In my younger years if I tried to lose weight, even half assed, it would come off! I never stuck with it, but I could lose it. Now, that I have done EVERYTHING RIGHT, it would not come off. So maybe it won't with the surgery either! And that scares the hell out a me!
I'm sorry I have babbled on and on... probably making a long and complicated story just long and confusing.
Bottom line... I have cried and cried tonight. I am not mad at my hubby. I know he is doing his best to be supporting and is trying to prevent future hurting for me. But all this is now going round and round in my head and I had to let it out! Even if it is a babbling mess! LOL!
Thanks for being here and letting me spew!
~Becca
My hubby is very supportive of me, what I do, and loves me 'no matter what'. I appreciate him very much and should tell him so more often... Tonight he started telling me he was worried about me having this surgery. Not the surgery itself, but he is worried I will put hope into this surgery working and will fall apart if it doesn't. He of course knows I have to make life long changes to make it work, and I think (in error) he don't think I can do it.
I know where this all came from. After spending 4 years making life changes in my diet, exercise, even quit smoking, I have been unable to lose more than a bit of weight here and there. After many doc visits, NUT visits, etc. I finally get diagnosed with Hashimoto's (Hypothyroidism) last March. Everyone tells me, including the docs, that once that is under control with meds I will be able to lose weight. Not so. Even NUT said I was pretty much doing all I could do... and still no significant weight loss. I would get frustrated and have an occasional don't give a damn, day, but overall, I kept at it.
Then last Sept. we moved so I could transfer to the University of Oregon. Something happened when we moved and my health took a turn for the worse. Long story short, I am feeling better now, but have truly fallen off the new lifestyle wagon. In part because just getting thru the day has been an effort. No excuse tho... I know I've have fallen and need to get back on with it. My deal. And I am working on it.
Hubby says I put all my hope into something 'fixing me' and when it doesn't I fall apart and all my hopes are dashed. That he hates seeing me so upset and worries I will do the same with the surgery.
I started crying.... I told him I was worried too! I am so scared that even tho I read about all the people who have lost with the surgery, I will be the one who won't. Just like the docs all said I'd lose with the right thyroid meds, and I didn't.
I told him I don't know what else to do but to hope... and keep trying. The only other option I had was to give up, and I am not ready to do that yet. I told him how I was so afraid of ending up like my sis-in-law (who I love dearly) who needs new knees but is to fat for them to do the surgery, and cannot seem to lose weight, she just sits and watches tv all day, getting bigger and bigger, now needs a wheelchair just to get to bathroom and struggles to just provide her own personal care. I am so fearful of becoming like her so I just keep trying!
I asked my hubby what he thought I should do... He said he didn't know, but he was worried how I would handle it if it didn't work or I could not do it 'for life'. But he has no other option. He reminded me he loves me no matter what and will support me and help me however he can... But...
I just cried and cried! Part because he's right, part because he's wrong. part just because I'm scared the surgery won't work, or I won't be able to pull off the work afterwards. It seems like I finally got my act together to do what I needed to do starting about 4 years ago. To make the serious life changes that I should have made eons ago... and maybe it was too late! In my younger years if I tried to lose weight, even half assed, it would come off! I never stuck with it, but I could lose it. Now, that I have done EVERYTHING RIGHT, it would not come off. So maybe it won't with the surgery either! And that scares the hell out a me!
I'm sorry I have babbled on and on... probably making a long and complicated story just long and confusing.
Bottom line... I have cried and cried tonight. I am not mad at my hubby. I know he is doing his best to be supporting and is trying to prevent future hurting for me. But all this is now going round and round in my head and I had to let it out! Even if it is a babbling mess! LOL!
Thanks for being here and letting me spew!
~Becca
(And Go Ducks!) :)
For myself it helps me to remember that it can fail if I allow it to happen by not doing what I need to do. People have eaten around the surgery and gained back what they lost, as long as I know that is possible I am more mindful of not letting it happen to me.
It sounds as though you and your husband have a great relationship and good communication. You are honest with one another and that is going to be very helpful in your journey. If he has not done so encourage him to read through your notes and other things regarding the changes you need to make so he can recognize issues and be a voice of reason and support for you to aid you in staying on track.
You can do this with your determination, education, and the support of loved ones like your husband.
Good luck to you.
Michael
Well, i have some comments on two parts of your post.
First, will this work for you? The surgery WILL cause you to lose weight - at first. there is absolutely no way that you can not lose in the beginning, you are basically eating such a small amount your body thinks it's starving at first.
But will it last, will you keep losing until you reach goal, will it stay off? These questions can only be answered by knowing what kind of eater you are. If you are an emotional eater you will have some serious work to do, you MUST find a way to deal with your emotions aside from food. Find a good psych... now.
Based on your story if you have been able to maintain a diabetic diet and (be honest with yourself) your nut says you are doing everything right, then it's likely you would be successful with surgery. but if you are really cheating on the diet, then again you must address this. You can still cheat with WLS. you can undo it, in a sense. But in the beginning you will lose.
Now second, about your DH. I only comment on this because i thought my husband was on board with the surgery. While he appeared to be supportive, deep down he thought i was being risky with my life, when it wasn't needed. He has now admitted this and we are working through it. But it has been a long and painful two years. I have lost my best friend, and any and all self esteem when it comes to my appearance.
You and your DH really really need to drill down to it and make sure that he is ONLY concerned about this not working for you. Not that he is secretly thinking you shouldn't do it for other reasons.
This surgery is very complex (emotionally) we change in so many ways, and sometimes it is scary and hard for our spouses.
Good Luck,
rochelle
Its true some people for what ever reason do not succede but you know what you are going in to. You will be just fine. I would however see a therapist even for a few sessions they are fantastic to help get perspective and figure just about anything out. the right one of course.
You can do it I did. After a lifetime of yoyo dieting and loss and regaining even more weight and a false start of having wls due to insurance issues I went forward in 2011 at 68 yrs old at 328lbs and type 2 diabetes, hbp and hypercholestrol and was literally a prisoner in my own body. I have to date lost 123 lbs and countless inches and have regained a renewed life. I have never been happier, not so much for the appearance factor although that is a good thing this Rny gastric bypass has literally saved my life.
Do your research and decide if this is for you. It is just a tool, but a great one. We still must do the head work, but I can tell you it is so worth it. Best to you. d
I have found great comfort by talking to a psychotherapist who has also had the surgery. He said that losing weight is like building a house all by yourself. Without the surgery you must do all the work, and you only have hand tools. With the surgery you must still do all the work by yourself, but now you have power tools.
The counseling and visiting this site have been building my confidence. Hope you can find what you need too!
I think I'll see if i can find me a counselor to go talk with.