What is the nature and possible cause of the "phobia?"

I have been terrified of food my whole life...and even now I still suffer from food phobias which I am working with my therapist on...I feel the old...afraid to eat, even though I really do not eat very much...I think I have and idea what you are going through, I know it is not helping my cause for sure. However, I am still trying to work out the fact that things are not the same as they were, and that I need to eat more.

On a good day i'm averaging about 300 calories. I know my issues stem from childhood and i have a really good therapist and psychiatrist who know me well. It doesn't make the whole eatting thing any easier however. Its not about being fat or fearing a return to my 282 lb self. Its my struggle with the object food. Now that the weight is gone there is no "insulation" between me and some not so pleasant childhood issues. I can not cope with looking at, preparing or eatting food right now. When you are 280 lbs and you are losing weight like that, thats not really much of an issue. Now that I'm down to 126. It has become this big issue for people. I'm struggling with that.

I have a lot of feelings about food. After getting sick and the foamies so much since surgery I am so disgusted with things that I do not even want to take a pill.

Even the thought of protein disgusts me.

I know that I want to be able to eat healthy foods though, so I am just choosing to believe that I will be able to as my body heals and that I will control the food that goes into me. I just keep thinking that this is a huge amount of effort and trouble to go through and I do not and will not mess it up. We can do it! You too!. We can learn to have a new, and healthy lifestyle.

But yes, I understand what you mean. I am a teacher and I avoid eating in the teacher's lounge and hanging out there during any breaks and I am sure they thought I was anti-social. But they have food, food, food food, in there. There are always cakes and goodies and special "food" days and potlucks and there is no end to it. Never mind smelling everyone elses food.

val

I understand about the childhood issues coming up too. As I started giving up food as my friend and insulation during preop, I had disturbing childhood dreams of rejection and abuse, particularly from my mother.

Interestingly enough my mother and father have been very supportive of my surgery and desire to lose weight. My mother has struggled her whole life with weight, though she does pretty well with her nutrition and is not all that large. She and I are getting closer. It doesn't negate the fact that there has been a lot of hurt and rejection in my life starting with her... still things change and healing can happen. I know I have to deal with some of these issues as I lose the weight and lose mys shield from the world.
I understand what you are talking about. Blessings on your journey.

Val

Are you working with an eating disorders specialist? Do you go to a therapy group? These can be very helpful.

I've known for at least a year I had a problem. I just figured I had lots of time before it became an issue. That time has come. I just told my psychiatrist and therapist the depth of my situation last week and my GB surgeon figured it out without me saying a word on Thursday. Now I'm trying to figure out how to deal with all the changes everyone is insisting I make. I'm feeling very invaded. I still don't see myself as having an eatting disorder. I'm not there yet. I get that I have to do some things differently. I just cannot make all these changes all at once. I'm not trying to be uncooperative. I'm just so overwhelmed right now. First I'm morbidly obese at 281 lbs and now I am being required to change what I am doing in order to not lose any more weight and improve nutrition. Its a lot to cope with.

I can't comment on your issue, because I've always loved food (perhaps too much?) But I do want to say this: ONE STEP AT A TIME.

You really can't change everything at once. So just take one change that they want you to make and add that ONE thing to your daily routine. When you've got a handle on that, you can choose one more thing and do that. Just one thing at a time. Otherwise, it can really be overwhelming. But one step at a time will get you there. Take care of yourself, and please keep sharing. You certainly aren't alone in your struggle.