Boy, that relative hasn't a clue. You need to either educate them or ignore them. Someone once told me you cannot control what others say, but you can control how you react to it. Therefore, you need to be strong and do what is best for you.

I have some relatives that are totally clueless too. Just ignore her and do what you think is best for you. I have went out with my family to eat out, and they are moaning and groaning that they have ate to much. I just laugh at them. But since I am not concentrating on eating myself stupid, I can focus on the conversation and enjoy myself now.

Was the family member young skinny and inexperienced in life?
You soon learn who your supports are.
Trish

I know what you mean. I'm 4 months post-op. The other day at a family gathering my mom was getting dessert and asked me it I wanted a cookie. I said "No thank you, that's not something I can eat." and she said "That never stopped you before!" I could not believe me ears. We have talked extensively about my restrictions and so forth. I just looked at my husband and we rolled our eyes and had a private little chuckle. Some people are just clueless.

I think that the most interesting part of this gbs journey is learning how to deal with others who don't get it. In my old age I've learned to try to put myself in their shoes and observe my changes from their perspective.

First, they only know me as a very obese woman. They, too, have to adjust to my new lifestyle. It's tough for me and tough for them. Sometimes, they aren't as motivated as I am to understand the new me. But they certainly know the old me. They know how I could be tempted into almost any food that wasn't good for me. They know that although I had lots of willpower, eventually it would break down and I would return to old habits.

Once I started to change, they experienced the change, too, but did not participate in my decision, so the changes confused them. Some also long to have the old me back, mostly because they don't like change at all, even change for the better/healthier.

As a management scholar and business leader, I've many times had to lead change in my company. I've learned that people don't like change, and in order to achieve it I have to take certain steps. First I have to unfreeze them from their current state of mind. Then I have to help them advance to the new situation. Then I have to refreeze them in that new situation so they don't go back. The same is true in educating people about the new me. First I have to educate them to unfreeze their old ways of thinking about me. Then I have to engage their help in my new situation. Then I have to reinforce the changes by consistently reminding them that I'm not going back to old ways.

I'm rambling, but I hope it makes sense.
Dawn

My family we all are overweight. Holidays were just an excuse to over eat. After I had the bypass I did not do the "eat until you are stuffed" and sometimes someone would make a comment. Instead of getting all defensive and upset I would make a joke to lighten it up. Why should you feel like you have to defend your choice to have the bypass. The world will always have those "jerks" who say anything without thinking but why get bent out of shape over every little nit picky thing. Like the others here have said, you cannot control what others say to you, but you can control how it effects you. Just give them a smile and think to yourself how great you feel now!

Most of my family is overweight also. But they have been so supportive - I couldn't ask for more. One aunt even gave me 100 bucks to buy some new clothes that fit. I didn't need it-she just wanted to reward me for the hard work. I'm really lucky. (but I do have one aunt that keeps commenting on how little I eat and no wonder I'mlosing weight - I eat nothing. Which is so not true!)

My family is also clueless, but I guess we are all learning together. We have a big family gathering this weekend at my house, about 20 different family members from both my husband and my sides. Trying to decide on what to make for dinner for everyone. My husband, my big supporter, actually said to me, "You know everyone can't eat like you." Like what, I was gonna offer small portions of purees for dinner. Geez, I still know how to make a nice dinner. It's not like I no longer fit in, or am going to alienate others.