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Dealing with childhood ghosts

rbd74
rbd74
Recently i have been getting a lot of Facebook contact from old schoolmates.

here's the thing. in my school there was ruthless teasing. i was teased for being fat from kindergarten although i didn't have a weight issue until about 6th grade. others were tease for various reasons.

While i forgave my tormentors years ago i have no desire to be "friends" with them. But i see others who were devastated by teasing "friends" with some of the worst bullies.

am i missing something? i mean these kids made our lives hell. i remember praying to die, or to wake up thin because of them. i remember hating my school so much i didn't walk at my graduation. i attended college my sr. yr instead of going to my normal high school.

Why do people want to be friends with those who were so brutal to them?

Just wondering what you all think. With the cyber bullying on the rise and becoming such a huge issue you would think we wouldn't hear "kids will be kids".

What gives? Would you want to be friends with old bullies - if yes, why?
farmgirl392
farmgirl392
Sometimes people are absolutely clueless about the impact their actions have on others. I wouldn't put any more emotional energy in to this one. Just decline the invites and keep your page the way you want it.

....I'm actually thinking about ditching Facebook altogether...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I become friends with everyone from my high school class who asks...just to keep in touch. I was friends with everyone but not really close to anyone so it's no biggie to me. My husband graduated in the same class/same school. His motto is..."Who the heck is this?? If they weren't friends with me in high school I'm not going to be friends with them now!" and he is perfectly happy and healthy. I think if you've experienced taunting then you have a right to be guarded.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well Rb I have been through some real shit in my life , but I decided to let it go a long time ago, cause that stuff just boggs you down. let it go your grown now, not still in the 6th grade people do change. Are you happy now? don't dwell on it hold your head high, you are a nice person ,but most of all remember you are not the same person you were then and neither are they.
:))
rbd74
rbd74
i don't really participate in fb. just was shocked to see who was friends.

Good point though, i have changed and so maybe they have too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think I just meant it is good to forgive. that is what I had to do cause the hatred was eating me alive.
:))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Makes ya wonder, huh? To be quite honest, I don't accept old school friends unless I WANT to. Why invite pain back into your life. My life is complicated enough as it is.

Just my opinion....although probably a negative one. I'm working on that. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I give people from HS a chance to have changed. Like you I was tormented for much of high school and lots of my tormenters have been friend requests on FB. I friend them (except for one person who is beyond ever being forgiven) and then if their old true colors show up I unfriend them. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised, most of the time I'm not and end up unfriending them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do not use my name on facebook, because I am not open to friend contacts from the past....rd
amberwaves555
amberwaves555
No way!! I would not be their friend at all!!! Screw the "lets be adults" mentality. They were idiots back then and I am sure it is the same now. If anything.. I would message them and tell them they made my life hell and hope they can live the fact that they made peopls lives horrible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm with Amber - screw them. Also, my life is so full, I can barely keep up with the people and family I truly love! Who has time or energy for agita from the past??!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am friends even with those who picked on me because I was fat. Some kids as adults have even apologized for their actions. If you don't want to be friends just ignore, decline whatever.

I had a coworker (well I was his boss actually) who was very mean. Gave me a picture of a fat chick on a chair naked with a jack o lantern painted on her butt and ask me "Laura, when did you pose for this picture?" I saw him not long ago. It was priceless! Loved it when he had no clue who I was!

I have come to the realization that what other people think of me really is none of my business.

High School was 30 years ago. Time enough that I can move on and forget the suicidal angry teenager I was back then. It was really not the best years of my life!

Laura